Mason lowered me onto the bed with my head nestled into the pillows. He hovered over me still completely dressed and I reached for the hem of his shirt to pull it over his head. He obliged and I was rewarded with the sight of his impressive upper body. I could never get tired of studying the tattoos that covered him, I loved tracing each one, first with my finger and then with my tongue. I looked down at his pants, they needed to go too. I unknowingly said the last phrase aloud and he shook his head and smiled, “Not yet. First, I’m going to show you just how much I missed you, angel. Now, put your hands above your head here and grab hold of the headboard. Don’t move your hands, just enjoy me enjoying you.” I didn’t think twice. I lifted my arms above my head and held the wooden slats tightly. I needed this so fucking bad. I needed to forget everything else.

He lowered himself on top of me to where our bodies were pressed against each other, but not to the point where his weight was heavy on me. He started at the place right behind my ear that I knew he loved, and then made his way down my body exploring every square inch of my body with either his hands, his lips, or his tongue. He left behind a wake of fire, his touch searing my skin and leaving a warmth entrenched deep inside me.

Mason traveled all the way down my leg to my foot and then back up again. He was extremely careful around the raised and irritated skin on my leg. When he reached my already slick folds, he didn’t hesitate to extend the treatment to my most private of areas. He utilized all of his weapons of mass pleasure at once - his tongue flicking my clit, his mouth sucking on my lips, and his fingers deep inside my core. It didn’t take him long to bring me to my first orgasm. He knew my body probably as well as he knew his own, and he loved knowing that he could bring me to the edge and then push me over so fast. I sure as hell didn’t mind either. I had heard that many girls didn’t experience regular orgasms either because the guy they were with didn’t care whether or not she came or didn’t know how to bring her there. I guess I lucked out that my sex coach without sex was so experienced, and I often got to experience multiple orgasms in a night, all by the magic he worked with his hands and mouth.

It took me several minutes to come down from my trip into sensual outer space. Mason continued working his way up my body, rubbing and kissing me, until he reached my face. He hesitated to kiss me, I had never kissed him on the mouth after he went down on me, but for some reason, at that moment, tasting myself on Mason’s mouth seemed like the most natural thing to do. I released the headboard and grabbed the back of his head while rising up to meet his mouth halfway. That was the sexiest kiss I had ever experienced and by the sounds that came from Mason, I think he felt the same. I felt his cock jerk on my stomach and my body instinctively pushed against him. We groaned into each other’s mouth, we were both struggling against the carnal need that was fighting to be fulfilled.

“Scarlett, you have no idea… I’m trying…” he whispered. I cut him off by putting my index finger over his lips to shh him. I used my other hand to reach between our bodies and push down on the elastic band of his pants. He lifted his body so that I could rid him of his last piece of clothing.

When he lowered himself back on top of me, his erection was pressed against my clit and pubic bone. The pressure on my nub alone was enough to drive me crazy with lust. He kissed me softer and slower than he had earlier. I appreciated that he was trying to be gentle and tender, but my body was hungry and desperate.

“More. I need more,” I panted, wiggling my body against his.

Mason’s body stilled and he lifted up so that we were no longer touching. I whimpered at the loss of contact. He locked his eyes on mine. “Scarlett, you said you didn’t want to. Please don’t… I can’t say no to you.” He closed his eyes and shook his head slightly. “I want it to mean something for you. You need to love the person you’re with the first time, make it special. Look, I am hopelessly in love with you, but I know that you love Ash… and sometimes that’s just the way things work out. But I don’t just want to just fuck you, I want to make love to you. Like I’ve never done with anyone else.” He lowered his eyes at his confession.

I was shocked to hear Mason say that he was in love with me, but I selfishly wouldn’t give that moment back for anything - the first time a guy said he loves me. It made me feel comforted and wanted and alive. I knew that I loved Ash, but I was so angry at him. And I was so angry at Evie for dying and leaving me alone. Mason’s touch was the only thing that made me feel better, and damn it, I deserved to feel better. So I did the most selfish thing I could do, I lied.

I cupped Mason’s face in my hands and forced him to look at me as I said the words. “I love you, Rat. I love you so much and I want you to make love to me right now.”

Chapter 30

It was still dark outside when I woke up and I could hear the rain pounding relentlessly on the window. Mason was asleep on his back and I was curled up next to him, using the nook between his chest and arm as my pillow. I moved my legs to reposition myself and the soreness that I felt between them caused me to freeze. The events from the previous day flooded my memory. The funeral. Evie’s parents. The tattoo. Ash. The blonde. Mason. Me. I love you. Sex. Oh shit, what did I do?

I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping, praying, that it was all a bad dream. I wanted to go back seventy two hours and redo every moment of it. I slowly opened my eyes and moved the lower half of my body again. There was no denying the tenderness from where Mason’s body had been.

I had asked him to take me, to make love to me; I had even told him I loved him so that he would without reservation. I was angry and hurt by Ash. I had felt lonely, desolate, abandoned. Mason’s touch, like always, made me feel coveted and cherished. I loved that he craved me; I needed him to love me.

I was an awful person. I was so much worse than Ash. I lied to Mason just so I wouldn’t be alone. I was afraid I would be alone forever. My relationship with my family was estranged. The guy I thought I was in love with was fucking other girls. And my best friend, the person I had spent nearly every day of my life with for over ten years, was dead. Mason was all I had left and because of my selfish behavior, I had ruined that too.

Mason making love to me was wonderful. He had been so gentle, so patient. He had made sure that I was taken care of in every way and was only interested in giving me the perfect first time. However, despite the physical and emotional fullness that I felt during those intimate moments, I had never felt emptier than when I woke up and had to face what I had done.

I started to have a mini-panic attack. My stomach knotted with anxiety, my mouth dried up, and my breathing became labored. I needed to get out of there, fast. I couldn’t deal with all of it at once. I managed to climb out of bed without waking Mason, thankful that he was such a heavy sleeper. My clothes were still in a wet pile on the bathroom floor so I put on a pair of Mason’s boxers and t-shirt that I found in the dryer. I grabbed my purse and keys that had been disposed of on the bar, and quietly let myself out the front door. It was still pouring rain and by the time I reached my car, I was a freezing wet mess once again.

I went straight to my room to change clothes and grab a few things. I didn’t know where I was going, but I was too much of a coward to stay at Mason’s and face him. I couldn’t stay another night in the dorm without Evie, and I sure the hell wasn’t calling Ash. After a hot shower, I threw on the first articles of clean clothing that I came across. I had desperately needed to do laundry and planned on catching up as soon as finals were over. I ended up in a pair cut off jean shorts and a Rice University hooded sweatshirt. I repacked my overnight back since the previous things in it had all gotten wet. I grabbed my acoustic guitar, threw on my boots because I couldn’t drive in wet flip flops, and headed out the door once again.

Once in the car, I plugged my ipod in and prepared myself for a long drive, I just wasn’t exactly sure where yet. The one thing I did know was that I needed to get as far away from Houston as possible, and I didn’t have any plans of returning. Ever.

Chapter 31

Eight Months Later

It was the Friday before the fall semester was to begin and I was headed east on I-10 towards Houston. It had been exactly a year prior that Evie and I had made this exact journey, excited and eager to begin our new lives. We had both envisioned four years together to experience college and all of the life-changing moments that came with it. From there we had assumed we would get good jobs, find loving husbands, have beautiful little babies, and of course, live happily-ever-after. But Evie’s death had changed everything.

An old Red Hot Chili Peppers song came on the radio and I paused my trip down memory lane to turn it up and sing along. It was one of Evie’s favorite songs, she always wanted me to play this song so she could sing it off-key and at an obnoxiously high volume. I smiled and felt the familiar tugging at my heart that I had come accustomed to when I thought about my best friend. It had taken me quite some time to get to the point of recalling old memories of Evie and not crying, and some days I still got a little teary-eyed when I thought about her, but for the most part, remembering our moments together filled me with love and gratitude.

I began to feel jittery and nervous when I passed the sign indicating that Houston was only seventy-one miles in front of me. In knew that in less than two hours, I would be in my new dorm room with Tessa, my new roommate. We hadn’t met in person before, but we had talked on the phone a few times and skyped once so that we would recognize each other. She seemed to be a sweet girl; she had come across as pretty quiet and very focused on her pre-med studies. Quiet and studious was exactly what I needed; the decision to get another roommate was a difficult one for me and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to be all buddy-buddy with whomever it was. At first it had felt like I would be replacing Evie; I was so afraid of forgetting her if I moved on with my life. Eventually, with my therapist, I worked through these issues and realized that I would never forget Evie; that was impossible. The best way for me to honor her memory was to keep on living, doing things that she and I liked to do to together, listening to her favorite music, cooking her favorite foods.

When I had driven out of town on that life-changing night last December, I really had no idea where I was going. I just drove and drove and drove. The sun came up and I continued to drive. The sun went down and I was still driving. Finally, after I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer, I pulled off at a motel on the highway. I had no idea where I was. I was completely lost in every facet of my life ~ physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I checked into a room and fell asleep within thirty seconds of laying down. I didn’t even bother taking my shoes off or getting under the covers. The next morning when I woke up, I realized that I needed to first figure out where the hell I was and then I needed to come up with some sort of plan. I wasn’t going to live in Evie’s car like a vagabond across Texas. I turned my phone on for the first time since I had left in hopes that the GPS on it would give me an indication of where I was. I wasn’t prepared for the thirty voicemails and fifty something text messages that waited for me. When I had fled Ash’s house, Meg had called Jess who had called Evie’s parents who had called my parents. All of them had left messages trying to locate me and making sure that I was okay. Well, I had assumed that Ash’s messages were similar to the others because I refused to listen to them and deleted them before I changed my mind.