The championship game is finally here.

Sitting on the bench in my T-shirt and running shorts, I wrap my stick with methodical precision.

You deserve hockey. You deserve happiness.

Once my stick is ready, I stand and roll my shoulders, relaxing my muscles and shaking out my arms. Tonight’s game is about putting everything shitty behind me and focusing on what’s ahead, and I’ve been working on my mental concentration, familiarizing myself with the stats of every player on the opposing team and memorizing every single play I need. What I can’t do is think about anything else. Tonight, it’s me and the ice. Tonight’s the finals, and I’m determined we’re going to win that trophy and bring it home.

Eric sits down on the bench in front of me, closes his eyes, and takes deep, even breaths.

“Meditating?” I ask.

He gives me a nod, keeping his eyes shut.

“Copycat. Want me to hum some kumbaya?”

He gives me a shrug and pops his eyes open. “Honestly, it just makes me sleepy.”

I’m about to reply, but my breath hitches as a tall young woman with wavy blonde hair walks past the open door of the locker room.

She turns to speak to one of the reporters in the hallway. Not her.

But still, my head goes to the Kappa party a few days ago.

She walked away from me and this time, I couldn’t blame her. I’m not ready to do what she needs. I let her go and once I composed myself, I went downstairs. She was gone, not that I was surprised. I went home alone.

I have to focus on the game, the reason I’m here.

Eric gives me a look that’s half grin, half scared-as-shit grimace. “You ready, man?”

“Hell yeah.” I look at the silver medallion necklace my mom gave me, and there’s comfort in slipping it around my neck and tucking it under my gear.

Nothing gold can stay is true, but tonight, it’s going to burn bright.

*

My helmet is in my hands and my gloves are off, tucked up under my arm as I look up at the black and gold confetti raining down on us. I look over at Eric, who’s still got a huge smile on his face. He skates up to me and punches me in the arm, and I laugh. We beat Minnesota-Duluth 6 to 5 in a well-fought, tooth-and-nail fight to the bitter end. Four of those goals were mine, but I thought it was over when I took a slap shot to the leg in the second period and went down. Convinced something was broken, the medics whisked me to the locker room, but I was fine and ran back out to score again.

“Congratulations on the championship!” a reporter says.

Reece skates over and we all three stand with our arms around each other, confetti blanketing the rink in the Wisconsin arena. Reporters call out and cameras flash and the music is loud, the fans who followed us all the way here clapping and cheering in their HU shirts. I hear my name being chanted, and I huff out an embarrassed laugh as my eyes scan the seats, checking the rows…needing, wishing, hoping.

But I don’t see her blonde hair.

Not that I thought she would come since the game was out of town, but many students did, and I guess part of me just wanted her to be here.

A reporter sticks a microphone in my face. “Truly a night to remember, Zack?”

I nod. “Absolutely. Best night ever.”

But that’s not entirely true.

Not until she’s with me.

43

Sugar

I’m at the bar in the Tipsy Moose and the crowd around me is going nuts, glasses raised as they toast and cheer for the HU win in Madison, Wisconsin. My eyes are glued to the screen, to Z. He’s skating around and girls are throwing flowers at him. He laughs and waves, that familiar shuttered expression on his face.

Taylor wiggles in his seat. “Four fucking goals. Huge game for him. Mind-blowing.”

Julia thumps him on the head with her finger. “Stop with the play-by-play of the hot hockey players.”

“You said hot—do you mean Eric?” Taylor says with snark and then turns to me and pats me on the back. “Sorry, love, all that testosterone got me jacked.”

Putting on a brave face, I laugh. I wouldn’t even be here tonight if my friends hadn’t insisted. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror behind the bar and sigh. My hair is lackluster and flat, my eyes have shadows under them, and there’s zero lipstick on my lips. I’m empty. And I’m so ready to get the hell out of Sparrow Lake.

Julia slaps a hand on the bar. “I need everyone’s attention.”

We all look, and I’m thinking she’s finally going to spill the beans on boning Eric then falling in love then getting cheated on—or so my theory goes, at least—but she waves at the bartender and orders us a round of tequila shots.

She hands them out and looks at me. “I just want to toast Sugar. She’s had a shit few weeks, but she did get some good news today.”

Taylor and Poppy lean in. “What happened?”

I smile. “I got my acceptance email and official letter from Belmont in Nashville. It’s a topnotch school and the tuition is surprisingly reasonable. I’m headed to law school, bitches!”

Whoops go up and hugs ensue. We toss back drinks and they continue to congratulate me, and I can’t help but smile. What I don’t tell them is that I did indeed get an email from the dean of admissions at Vandy, and he was thrilled to offer me a spot that opened up because someone dropped. I figured it was the letter of recommendation that sealed the deal and even though that is a legit way to get in, the appeal had faded. I told him no.

“Urgent” by Foreigner rings on my cell.

“What’s up?” I ask Mara, infusing my voice with joy.

“Just called to say good luck on your trip to Davenport. Also, I saw they won.”

I draw a doodle with my finger on the bar napkin. I leave tomorrow to fly to Birmingham to attend George’s will reading. I realized this will be my only opportunity to say the things I want to say, to see half-siblings I might never see again. Part of me is torn, nervous about stepping into their perfect little world, anxious about how I compare. But, I know I don’t want any regrets, and if that’s really true, I need to see them.

“Thanks. I’ll keep you updated.”

There’s a long pause. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you? It wouldn’t be a big deal. Luis can hold down the fort for a spell.”

It would be nice to have company on the flight and then especially when I walk into that house, but…

“Thank you, but no. You’re being sweet but you can’t spare the time, and actually, I’m looking forward to getting out of town.”

She tells me she loves me and I end the call, finish up my drink, and tell my friends goodbye.

“So when you get back, you’re gonna be rich, right?” Poppy says as the trio walks me to my truck.

I huff out a laugh. I haven’t said a peep about the money, and it’s driving them crazy.

Julia smirks at my dented-up Toyota. “Wouldn’t it be nice to drive something else?”

“Mercedes.” Taylor snaps his finger at me. “I know what you bloody like.”

I give them a final hug since I won’t see them until after spring break. I head back to the dorm, and I guess I should be preparing to meet my “family”, but all I can see in my head is Z. I hope…I hope he’s happy.

*

It’s much later, when I’m asleep, that a loud bang reverberates on my door. I open my eyes, sit up, and grab my phone—it’s one in the morning. Shit. Julia? Did she forget her keys? She would have texted, though. I get up and walk over to her side of the room, and sure enough, she isn’t home. I recall Taylor and Poppy wanting to try out a new dance club…

“Who is it?” I call out. All I have on is a pair of blue boy-cut panties and a bright pink tank top with BB’s logo.

“Me.”

I feel lightheaded at the sound of Z’s voice and before I know it, I’m standing at the door. I lean against it. “Why are you here?”

“Let me in, Sugar. Please.”

I swallow. “I’m not sure I should.”

“Please.” His voice is scratchy and barely there and I guess he’s hoarse from the game. Wait…

I yank the door open, shocked at his haggard appearance as he leans his arm on my doorjamb.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in Wisconsin with the team? I—I thought y’all didn’t fly home until tomorrow…” My voice stops, eagerly taking him in. He might be a shell of himself, but he looks eased, and there’s a softness around his mouth that wasn’t there at the Kappa party. His hair is everywhere, a tousled mess, but he’s shaved recently. There are still shadows on his skin and that empty look in his eyes, the one I see when I look in the mirror.

His gaze roves over me and he blinks, as if he’s taken aback. “Coach gave me permission to rent a car and drive back. It took four hours, but I had to see you.”

I just…stand there.

Frustration flits through his eyes and he rubs his hands over his face. “I drove straight to the rental place after the game. I haven’t slept, and I think I’m dreaming now that I see you…” His shoulders bunch up, his face weary. “I’ve made some mistakes, and fuck, I couldn’t talk to you, but I’m here. I’m ready.”

44

Zack