I hate when he calls me sport.

However, I love it when he gets me stuff.

I drum my fingernails on the table, thinking. “Not really, but there is a football camp I want to go to this summer. It’s really expensive though since it’s run by a guy who was in the NFL.”

“Consider it done.”

“You look guilty, Dad,” Bianca says while watching him closely. “Did you do something bad?”

Her question takes him by surprise, and he starts choking on his apple. “No. Of course not. I just want to spend time with my kids is all.” He looks at me. “Can you think of anything Jace might want? I know how hard he works around here, and I want to do something nice for him.”

“Yeah.” I start ticking things off on my fingers. “He’s gonna need a laptop, a new computer monitor, a new tower, a new Xbox—”

“Whoa, hold on, sport. What happened to the ones he has now?”

“Liam took a bat to them,” Bianca informs him.

His mouth opens in shock. “What? Why—”

A loud piercing wail cuts him off. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say there was a wounded animal upstairs.

“Dad!” Jace yells, his voice cracking. “Dad, I need you. Something’s wrong with Liam!”

My stomach hits the floor. Jace hasn’t called him dad in years.

This is bad. Real fucking bad.

I’m on my feet before anyone else.

Maybe Liam did do something stupid last night and he’s hurt.

Like that time he climbed one of the tall bookshelves in the study, slipped, bashed his head on a corner, and ended up needing five stitches.

Since I’m the first up the stairs, I’m also the first to reach his room.

“What happened—”

My blood runs cold. The thing in my chest bottoms out.

This isn’t like the time Liam got stitches.

Stitches won’t fix this.

I dig my nails into my palms, convinced this is a nightmare.

But it’s not.

Because six feet in front of me is my twin brother…hanging from a rope on his closet door.

Jace looks even more helpless than Dad did at Mom’s funeral.

“What—oh, my God,” our father screams, his legs giving out.

“What’s going on?” Bianca yells down the hall, her footsteps getting closer.

Intuition takes over and I close and lock the door before she reaches it.

I can’t let her see this. She’ll have nightmares for the rest of her life.

She loves her big brother. He’s her favorite.

“Hey! Let me in!” Bianca screams, pounding on the door.

“Go downstairs and call 911!” Jace yells.

It won’t help. Liam is beyond help.

But it will keep her busy for the time being.

“We have to cut him down,” Jace says. “We can’t…we can’t leave him...” His eyes well with tears. “Maybe…maybe there’s still time...”

There isn’t.

His stiff body has taken on a blue-ish hue, and his eyes are nearly popped out of his skull.

We can’t save him. No one can.

Jace looks at our father who’s now curled up in a fetal position on the floor. “Dad.”

Come on, old man. Pull yourself together. Your kids need you.

Be a fucking parent for once in your goddamn life.

But he won’t…he can’t. He doesn’t know how.

I dig around in my pockets for the pocketknife I keep on me. “I’ll do it.”

I hated him so much…it should be me.

It won’t be emotional for me like it will be for Jace. Just another task.

I start to take a step forward…but the green blanket on the floor of the closet snags my attention.

There’s a piece of it missing.

I found it on my bedroom floor this morning.

Liam tried to tell me.

A horrible thought occurs just then. It’s so sick, so twisted, so messed up I’m gasping for air.

I told him to join her.

But I didn’t…I didn’t think he’d…

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Liam does things for attention, but this?

I should have checked on him.

I had that feeling. I know what that feeling means.

Wiping his tears with his sleeve, Jace snatches the pocketknife out of my hands. “I can do it.”

Bianca pounds on the door again. “The ambulance is on the way. Let me in.”

“Go downstairs,” Jace shouts.

“No. I want to see Liam.”

She can’t.

She’ll never see him again.

None of us will.

Because he’s never coming back.

“Bianca, go downstairs,” Jace screams again, but he’s choking up so bad he can hardly get the words out.

“Liam!!” Bianca cries, banging on the door harder. “Liam, come out here!!”

He can’t.

Guttural sobs wrench out of her. “I want to see Liam.”

He’s gone.

He’s never coming back.

“I need you to take her downstairs. When the EMTs get here, she’s gonna try and run past them.”

I think Jace is talking to me, but he sounds so distant.

Everything seems far away. Like an alternate universe.

A universe Liam isn’t a part of anymore.

I feel different…less than.

Like something’s missing inside me. An organ or…

Bianca kicks the door. “Liam!”

“Cole.”

Liam and Cole…it’s always been Liam and Cole.

Now it’s just…

“Cole,” Jace pleads. “Please.”

“Okay.” I don’t recognize the sound of my voice. It’s shredded.

My vision is hazy, and my legs feel like limp noodles as I make my way to the door.

Somehow, I manage to turn the knob.

I’m so out of it, I’m not prepared for Bianca’s strength. She flies past me.

A high-pitched blood-curdling scream fills the room. “Liam!”

“Dammit,” Jace hisses.

“I’m sorry.” I turn to look at him. “I’m sorry I fucked up.”

I fucked up so bad. So bad he’ll never forgive me.

I’ll never forgive myself.

I scoop Bianca up, kicking and screaming, and barrel down the staircase.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper as she sobs.

I’m sorry your favorite big brother isn’t here anymore.

I’m sorry I didn’t listen to him last night when he needed me.

I’m sorry I hated him when I was supposed to love him.

I’m sorry he’s dead when he should be here.

The pain in my chest is back with a vengeance, but it’s not because Liam’s hurt.

It’s because—just like that green blanket—there’s a piece of me missing now too.

A piece I’ll never be able to fix or repair.

A piece I’ll never get back.

And it’s all my fault.

Chapter 73

Sawyer

The tears are falling so fast I can’t wipe them up with my sleeve quick enough.

My heart is breaking into a thousand tiny pieces for Liam.