I sit back down on the floor with my tennis ball.

There’s still tension in the air, but not nearly as bad as it was before.

However, it doesn’t take away from the damage I caused.

The damage I keep causing.

I’m about to grab a slice of pizza when there’s a knock on the door.

Jace looks at Oakley. “Expecting company?”

Oakley ambles to the door. “Nope. I put all my bitches on pause tonight.” He opens it. “This one is Cole’s.”

Sawyer smacks his arm as she walks inside. “I’m not his bitch, you dick.”

I waggle my eyebrows. “You will be tonight.”

Crossing her arms, she stares me down. “Thanks for the offer, but I’m leaving for the airport in the morning, remember?” She looks at Jace. “By the way, if you’re looking for your sister, she’s still at Christian’s. I told her I was leaving to say goodbye to Cole, but she insisted on staying there.” Her eyes flick to Oakley. “With your bitches.”

Oakley narrows his eyes. “That bi—”

Jace slaps the back of his head. “Watch your mouth.”

To be honest, I don’t blame Oak for feeling that way.

“Be easy on him. It’s not his fault Bianca keeps stealing all his girls.”

Oakley jabs a finger in the air. “Just so we’re clear, she is not stealing anything from me.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll talk to her,” Jace says. “Find out why she’s wreaking havoc on your life.”

“Why?” Standing up, I grab a slice of my pizza. “If she’s messing around with girls, she won’t come home pregnant and we won’t go to jail for murder.”

Jace thinks about this for a moment. “Good point.” He slaps Oakley’s shoulder. “Sorry, man. You’re on your own.”

“Want a slice?” I ask Sawyer as I plate mine.

I’m really hoping she says yes because her curves are disappearing and I fucking hate it.

Why girls do dumb shit like lose weight for weddings is beyond me.

Hopefully once it’s over, those curves will come back.

“No, thanks.” She shuffles her feet. “My flight leaves at eight a.m.”

“Do you need a ride to the airport?” She starts to answer, but I glance at Oakley. “Can I borrow—”

“No, that’s not why I said that.” She wrings her hands. “Every time I bring up the wedding you change the subject. It’s already Thursday night, Cole. The wedding is on Saturday. Did you purchase your airline ticket or not?”

Shit.

I know she really wants me to go, but I have to put some distance between us.

These feelings I have for her are becoming too intense. Too powerful.

Too confusing.

For fuck’s sake, I lost my shit completely and bared the darkest parts of my goddamn soul to her.

Sawyer saw me at my worst, my most vulnerable…yet she stayed.

She even told me she loved me again after that night, but I couldn’t say it back.

I don’t know how. And that’s not fair to her.

“I didn’t.” I avert my gaze. “Sorry, I have this thing to do. But, hey, I hope you have fun.”

Behind her, Oakley and Jace exchange a glance.

Trepidation swirls in her eyes. “Are you breaking up with me?”

Nope. I’m too selfish to do that.

I’ll just wait until she realizes she deserves much better than me and cuts the cord.

“No. I’m just…handling my business. Doing me.”

Jace starts choking on his pizza. Oakley takes a long pull off his blunt.

“Doing you?” she repeats with an edge.

“Yeah…you know.”

“No, I don’t know.” She throws up her hands. “Whatever. I don’t have time for this. Call me when you’re done being an asshole.”

She starts to walk away, but I pull her back. “You know I care about you. I’m still in this.”

If we break up, it won’t be because of me. Ever.

“Then fucking act like it, Colton.”

I can feel Jace and Oakley’s stares on me as she walks toward the door.

I should stop her.

She pauses, almost like she’s giving me a chance to fix my fuck-up but turns to Oakley instead. “Can I talk to you outside really quick?” When she notices the curiosity on my face, she adds, “Tutoring stuff.”

The moment the door closes, Jace looks at me. “You’re an idiot.”

I thought we were done fighting, but evidently not.

I take a seat at the table. “What did I do now?”

He points to the front door. “Motherfucker, you are the hardest person in the world to love and that girl does it effortlessly. If you let her go to that wedding by herself, you’re a goddamn dumbass who deserves to lose her.”

I lean back in my seat. “I don’t recall asking you for dating advice.”

“Just calling it like I see it.” He lights the clipped blunt Oakley left in the ashtray and plops down in the seat across from me. “Fucking moron.”

“Trust me, I know how amazing Sawyer is. That’s not the problem.”

“Then what is the problem?”

“I just…you wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“Mom didn’t love me.”

He huffs. “Jesus Christ, here we fucking go.”

“You know what? Fuck you. I’m not gonna explain shit to you when you keep dismissing it.”

His expression changes to one of sincerity. “Fine. I’ll keep my mouth shut.” He jabs his finger in the table. “But for the record, Mom loved all her kids, so don’t come at me with that bullshit.”

“That may be true, but it was different with me.”

He starts to open his mouth, but I cut him off. “You know I’m right. I was her least favorite. Hell, Jace. You raised me more than she did.”

He blows out a cloud of smoke. “No arguments here. But, man. You fought her tooth and fucking nail on everything. Even when she did something nice for you, you still raked her over the coals…like she was never good enough.”

He’s not wrong.

“Because I knew she loved Liam more.”

Whenever she was kind to me it felt disingenuous…fake. I couldn’t stand it.

“She didn’t love Liam more.” He breaks eye contact. “Liam just made it easier to love him.”

The truth doesn’t just hurt…it fucking obliterates.

“I get that,” I tell him. “But I loved her.”

Even if she didn’t feel the same way…I still loved her.

“I know you did, Cole. What I can’t wrap my head around is why you’re fucking shit up with Sawyer.”

“Because she loves me.”

He raises an eyebrow. “That really clears everything up.”

“I can’t love her back.”

I don’t know how.

He makes a face. “Why?”

I tell him the truth. “Because I have no idea how to love anyone...not even myself.”

I spent so much time hating myself after Mom and Liam died, it’s like a switch that can’t be turned back on.