She squeezed a liberal amount of lube onto her fingers and considerately rubbed her hands together to warm it before she rubbed it over his dick.

The slick sensation of her hands gliding so effortlessly over his cock made his eyes roll back into his head. And when she arched up over him again and positioned him at her anus, he had to start imagining ice. Lots and lots of ice. Covered up in ice. Anything to assuage the inferno that swept over him.

Slowly she bore down and the tip of his dick spread her, opening her as gently as a flower. He held his breath and waited with burning impatience as she adjusted to his size.

"Not too fast, honey," he whispered. "Don't hurt yourself."

She smiled and gripped him a little tighter as she opened up more around him. Finally he felt her resistance give way and he slid into her snug warmth. She took him all the way to the balls, and he lost the ability to breathe.

"Are you okay?" he asked anxiously because if she wasn't, he wasn't going to be. Please, please let her be okay because he needed her to move.

"Mmmm."

She uttered that same purr of contentment she had earlier, and he knew it was going to be all right.

He arched his hips, loving the way he went just a little deeper and how she opened more for him. For a long while she remained still, his cock buried so far up her ass that his balls strained against her tush.

"This is the first time I've ever done this in this position," she said ruefully.

"You're doing fantastic," he breathed. "Just move a little. Mmmm, just like that," he said when she eased up just a bit.

"You like my ass?" she asked teasingly.

"I love your ass."

She leaned forward until her breasts swayed intoxicatingly over his chest. "What about my breasts?"

"You're teasing a helpless man, honey. I want to touch them so bad. I want to taste them. You have the most gorgeous breasts on a woman I've ever seen."

"And my pussy?" she whispered.

Goddamn. He closed his eyes and took several short breaths that reminded him of all those damn Lamaze advertisements.

"I wanna live in your pussy," he gritted out.

She laughed and settled over him again like a hot glove. Then she grew somber, her hot gaze sliding over him like a razor's edge.

"You're so beautiful, Nathan. Do you have any idea how much I loved giving you massages?"

"Then why the hell did you quit?" he burst out.

She gave him a sad smile. "Because you never saw me."

"That's a load of bullshit. How can any living, breathing male not notice you?"

She rose and sank down, leisurely, rippling over his cock, squeezing him for all he was worth.

"We'll talk about this later," he said in a pained voice. "This isn't the time."

"Agreed," she said huskily. "I want you to come inside me. I want to feel you hot and liquid in my ass."

"Jesus. Move, honey, I'm coming. Damn it."

She took mercy on him and began riding his thrusts, her ass bouncing off his thighs with a loud slap. The rise came swift, gathering like lightning. A bolt of white-hot electricity seared up his dick and exploded outward.

She clutched greedily at him, taking everything he gave her. Hell if she didn't demand more, riding him hard and fast. He loved that about her. No wimpy woman was this. She took what she wanted. She was fierce.

When he couldn't take any more stimulation, he pleaded for mercy. She didn't even tease. She sank onto his chest with an exhausted sigh.

He pulled against the cuffs in irritation. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to stroke her back and say absurdly sweet things to her. Well, he couldn't touch her so he'd have to make due with the sweet stuff.

"Julie?"

She stirred against him, lifting her head so that he saw her dark, sleepy eyes.

"I love you."

Her eyes went round with surprise. Her mouth opened then shut again.

Shit. He hoped he hadn't just made a huge mistake.

Chapter 31

Julie's stomach was in knots. Not just one of those nervous little twitches. She felt like she was going to puke. All because the man said he loved her.

She paced anxiously around the bedroom, stopping to listen every once in a while. Nathan was still in the shower, a fact she was grateful for.

What did she say? What did she do?

She wanted a man that looked at her like Damon looked at Serena. She wanted a man who looked at her with that "everything" glint in his eye.

Well, Nathan had looked at her that way. Just before he'd said he loved her. And it terrified her.

She was a coward. An absolute screaming ninny for what she was about to do, but she needed to get out. This wasn't something she could just bumble through. This was important. This was it. This was one of those moments that an entire life path formed around, and if she fucked it up, it would affect the rest of her life.

Okay, she could definitely cut some of the melodrama, but it was true. Nathan had looked at her with forever in his eyes, and she'd wanted to give him those words back. Wanted it badly, but she'd caught herself. He deserved more than just an obligatory utterance. She couldn't—wouldn't—say it just because he'd said it to her. No, by God, she'd mean it.

Did she mean it?

She let out a soft moan. She wished she could believe it. Believe him. What if he was just caught up in the moment? What if he did what all other men did and got tired of her strong personality and left her for someone more meek and feminine?

Sweat beaded her forehead as her nausea grew. Was she good enough for Nathan?

Oh God, she did not just think that. She was not doubting her self-worth because of a man. She raised a trembling hand to her forehead and knew she had to get out of there before Nathan got out of the shower and she made a royal mess of things.

Before she lost her nerve, she hurried to the bathroom door and knocked. Before waiting for an answer, she hollered through the wood.

"I have to, uh, go out, Nathan. I don't know when I'll be back. You can let yourself out. I'll, uh, see you. I'll call you. Yeah, I'll do that."

She heard a harsh expletive and the crash of the medicine cabinet, but she was bolting for the front door like the scared rabbit she was.

When she spied Nathan's keys on the bar, she had to laugh at her stupidity. She didn't have a car. Her rental was still at Serena's. And she was standing here like an idiot.

Making a split-second decision, she grabbed the keys and flew out the door. Seconds later, she threw herself into the driver's seat and jammed the keys into the ignition. She cranked it and fumbled with the gearshift then put it in reverse.

As she backed away, Nathan came running out of her apartment with just a towel around his waist. He looked pissed, even more so when he saw her in his truck.

"Julie, goddamn it!" he yelled.

She punched the accelerator and left the parking lot, her hands shaking. Okay, not smart. Really not smart. She was too humiliated to turn around and go back though. In for a penny, in for a pound.

Instinctively she went in the direction of Serena's house. It was Serena she needed to talk to right now. Serena had had doubts about Damon and their relationship. She would understand Julie's conflict, and maybe between the two of them they could figure out what Julie's problem was.

Faith was different. She'd known Gray was the man for her from the very beginning, and she'd gone after him with single-minded determination.

Just like . . .

Julie groaned and tightened her hands around the steering wheel.

Just like she'd known that Nathan was the one for her. And now that she'd gotten what she wanted, she was doing her best to screw it up. Just like she did all her other relationships.

Stupid.

As she pulled up to Damon's house, tears swam in her eyes, which only served to piss her off more.

Serena was waiting for her at the door when she pulled up and parked in the circle drive. Had Nathan called her?

No words were exchanged when Julie trudged up to the entrance. Serena took one look at her and pulled her into a giant hug.

"Come in. You look terrible."

"I feel terrible," Julie choked out.

"Aw, hon, it can't be that bad."

Serena led her into the living room and coaxed her down onto the couch. Sam as well as the housekeeper hovered in the distance, anxious looks on their faces.

"Give us a while and see that we're not disturbed," Serena said softly. "I'll call if we need anything."

When they were alone, Serena took Julie's hands and squeezed. "Okay, tell me what happened and why you're driving Nathan's truck when he's not in it."

Julie took a big gulp of air and spilled the entire story. From the absolutely awesome sex—not leaving any details out—to Nathan's declaration of love and of Julie discovering that she just might love Nathan back. Hell, there was no maybe. It positively scared her how strongly she felt for this man.

"What are you afraid of, Julie?" Serena asked, sympathy ringing in her voice.

Julie gave her a watery smile. "I'm not supposed to be afraid of anything, you know? I'm a confident woman. I own my own business. But he ... he makes me want things I've never wanted. No, scratch that. He makes me hope for things I've always wanted."

"So what's the problem?"

"Remember when you struggled so much with your relationship with Damon? Coming to terms with it? You told me you were so afraid of not being what he needed, of disappointing him."

Serena's eyes softened. "Yeah. I'm still afraid. I've just decided not to let my fears ruin the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"I wish I could be like you," Julie said sadly. "Goddamn it, Serena. I'm terrified. Terrified."

"That he'll leave you?" Serena asked gently.

Julie wavered for a moment, her breath coming out all shaky like she was a hair from crying. She hated that. Hated coming off like a weak-kneed, emotional twit.

"I'm afraid ... I'm afraid he'll wake up one morning and the very things that first attracted him to me will be the very things that turn him away."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"I'm a bitch, Serena."

"No, you're not!"

"I am. I'm blunt, forceful, headstrong and confident. People often say they admire me, or they appreciate people who say it straight, who keep it real. And for a while they do, until all the new and shiny wears off and suddenly they don't like me so much anymore. I become caustic and abrasive. The things they liked about me now turn them away. And men? They're the worst. A strong, confident woman is sexy to them, but then they become intimidated by me and they think I'm wearing the pants in the relationship."

"There is nothing wrong with you," Serena said fiercely. "Other than the fact that you've dated morons. The right man will love you, warts and all. He'll love your independence.

Contrary to popular belief, men really do love women who can think for themselves. They love women who can be an equal in the relationship."

"Very well said, Serena mine," Damon murmured.

Both women looked up to see Damon standing across the living room, his eyes glowing with pride.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," he said in Julie's direction. "But not sorry I overheard." He walked closer and sat down in the armchair next to the couch. "Serena is right, Julie. A woman who needs protecting, the helpless female persona, can be ... enticing. But beyond that first brush, that first shine of the relationship, it dulls really fast. A needy woman may appeal to the male ego, but a strong, independent woman is a treasure for the long haul."

Julie cocked her head. "But you . . ." She cleared her throat uncomfortably.

"You can say what you like in front of me," he said gently.

"You like submissive women." She cast an apologetic look at Serena because she didn't want her friend to think she thought she was wimpy. "How can you say those things about a strong, independent woman when you crave submission?"

Damon's eyes twinkled. "Serena is a strong, very independent woman in her own right. She chooses to submit to me. I have no desire for a doormat. For as long as Serena is mine, I will always take care of her. However, I need to know she can take care of herself."

Julie's eyes watered. "Do you know why I decided not to go back to The House?"

Both Serena and Damon gave her puzzled looks.

"I saw you that night." Again she looked at Serena in apology. "You and Damon in the common room."

Serena's mouth formed an O.

Damon's expression was no less perplexed. "I'm sorry if you were offended, Julie."

"No," she said huskily. "I won't lie. When I first saw what you were doing, I wanted to run over and kick your ass and then put my arms around Serena."

"You're a very loyal friend," Damon said with a smile.

"You changed something in me that night. I decided I wanted a man who looked at me the way you looked at Serena."

"Ah, Julie," Serena murmured as she stroked a hand through Julie's hair.

"Nathan looked at me like that," she choked out. "He said he loved me."

"And you don't believe him?" Damon asked.