I grinned and rolled back the band so just his shiny tip was exposed.

“Oh shit,” Dex cried out and I glanced up to see him covering his face with his hands in anguish. “Oh no. Oh, please, I forbid you to go any further. Do not touch my cock.”

There was a quick pounding at the wall at that and a muffled Mitch yelled, “Hey would you shut up in there? I’m trying to sleep!”

I giggled to myself, strangely unembarrassed. I fixed my attention back on Dex, who looked a bit mortified instead.

“You told me to throw out the rule book,” I reminded him.

His eyes flashed. “You’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re doing and I am not going to take advantage of you.”

I laughed. “I think I’m taking advantage of you. Besides, when did you get so moral?”

“I don’t know,” he mumbled with eyes clenched shut, shaking his head back and forth on the pillow. “I don’t know God damn it!”

“Shut up!” Mitch yelled again.

I ignored both of them. Then just before I lowered my lips on to the head of his cock, he reached forward, grabbed me hard and swiftly pulled me up with agile strength. Now my face was right up to his, my breasts, squished against his chest, his cock pressing into my pelvis.

“Please,” he implored hoarsely. The lamp illuminated his eyes so they were wavering between desire and control. “You’re not in your right mind. I know you’re scared and confused – and my God, obviously horny as hell – but I can’t let you do this. My balls are so blue they’re black now, and I’m loathing myself for telling you to stop, but you have to. Please. I might not have the strength to make you.”

I narrowed my eyes, feeling annoyed at the words that were coming out of his mouth and the firmness of his erection. Totally contradictory. Why couldn’t I just get what I wanted?

“Perry,” he said slowly, deliberately as he speared me with his gaze. “You’ll regret this in the morning. You will hate yourself for doing this and you’ll end up hating me. And you already hate me so much, that my heart can’t take anymore of it. Please, let’s just sleep and save the blow job for another day.”

“There’ll be no other day,” I snarled, feeling mean and dizzy.

“Exactly,” he whispered, giving me a small shake with his hands.

I watched him curiously. And more curiously. His face was growing darker. Blurrier.

I blinked hard and pulled out of his grasp a bit.

“You said you don’t have the strength to stop me,” I slurred, moving backward, wriggling my hips into him as I went. I put my arms underneath me until his dick was firmly in my hands again. He closed his eyes and let out a little moan.

I grinned as the world around me swirled. “You won’t regret…”

My mouth decided forming words was too much effort and gave up. The room spun violently and the next thing I knew my head was face-planting into his chest and everything went silent and black.

CHAPTER TWELVE

“Good morning, sunshine,” Dex’s voice broke into my sleep like a jackhammer. My eyes sprung open from a dark, deep hole and I winced at the painful brightness.

I immediately shut my eyes and prayed for death. That didn’t happen. I heard the door shut and Dex walk over, placing something on the table beside me. He sat down beside me and the bed lurched like stormy seas and my poor stomach and brains were the sinking ship.

He placed a hand on my forehead. “I’m sorry I couldn’t let you sleep in but we have a big day ahead of us.”

I groaned and slowly pried one eye open. He was dressed in grey jeans and black hoodie, newsboy cap on his head. His eyes looked a little dark and shadowy and I guess he must have been feeling mildly hungover. I would have given my right arm to only feel “mildly” hungover.

My God, why did I drink so much bourbon?

My God. What the fucking hell did I do last night?

My eyes widened at the sudden memory of groping Dex in just my bra and underwear and I jumped in my bed, as if I could somehow escape it.

He smiled at my reaction. “Remembering something?”

“Oh my God,” I groaned and lay my head back down on the pillow, covering my eyes with my palms. “Oh my God.”

“I thought you’d say that,” he said.

“Oh no,” I mumbled rolling over. “I am just…oh God, bury me in a dark hole somewhere.”

“Why are you so embarrassed?” he asked playfully. “So you passed out during an attempted blowjob. Who doesn’t?”

My insides recoiled and my body went hot with shame. I let out a whimper as more images came back to me. “You were trying to stop me.”

“Trying is the key word here,” he said and he tapped the table where I saw a mug and a couple of painkillers. “Come now, sit up Miss Palomino. There’s some tea here with hair of the dog. It’ll make it better.”

“It won’t make everything better,” I cried out softly and slowly brought myself to a sitting position. I eyed him, my eyes having trouble focusing. “You wouldn’t let me do it.”

“You sound amazed. No, I was trying to not let you. But had you not passed out, I don’t know what would have happened. Let me tell you something though.” He pointed at me and his eyes darkened. “As your friend, as your roommate, and I suppose your part-time lover, please don’t do that to me again. I don’t want to be in that position.”

I snorted caustically, even though I felt like a few particles in my brain came loose. “You don’t like saying no? I don’t believe it.”

He passed the mug to me and pressed the pills into my hand, hard. “Well believe it. I don’t like saying no to you. Especially not like that. I’ve spent the morning gathering my balls from the floor and I’m sure the others aren’t too happy with all the time I was spending in the outhouse.”

A twinge of guilt tugged at my core but I ignored it. “Did it feel good to turn me down?”

He frowned. “I don’t think you get it, Perry. It felt terrible. I still feel terrible. You presented yourself to me like a dinner before dying and I had to say no to that?”

I didn’t know how to pose the next question delicately, so I just came out and said it.

“If asked you to,” I said, my voice low so no one else in the cabin would hear my crudeness, “would you fuck me right now?”

He raised his brows, either in surprise at my vulgarity or at the question itself.

“I don’t think you’ve ever asked a stupider question.”

“Then why wouldn’t you last night?” I felt so small asking it and buried my voice with a sip of the tea. It was sweet and strong and good and I felt sour and weak and bad.

“You still don’t know?” He looked bewildered and tugged at his hair with annoyance. “Because you weren’t sober. You were as drunk as I’ve ever seen you.”

“So?”

“So? This might come as a shock but as I told you last night, I’m not about to take advantage of you.”

“Even if I wanted you to?”

He leaned forward on his knees and clasped his hands together. He turned his head and looked me dead in the eye, mouth drawn in a tight line. “Perry, when I fuck you, you’re going to want it. And you’re going to be sober. I don’t want just your body in all of this. I want everything. Your soul too.”

“That’s a pretty tall order,” I said breathlessly. His words were causing butterflies to fly loose in my stomach.

“I know,” he said determinedly. “And it’s something I am willing to work for.”

We elapsed into a somewhat awkward silence as I swallowed back the pills with the hot liquid. Everything about our relationship was so confusing now. But then again, when hadn’t we been confusing, after everything we had been through. He was right when he called me his friend, his roommate and his part-time lover. I felt the same way about him, even though my brain screamed at me not to. I wanted sex from him and that was all. That had to be all. I had to remember that above all else. And I had to remind myself that it was OK to just want sex. Surely, he didn’t really need my soul. He didn’t deserve every part of me.

I sighed. “Well. Thank you for saying no.”

He straightened up and looked away. “You’re welcome. Thank you for passing out.”

Then he got to his feet and left the room.

~~~

Dex had been kind enough to let me sleep through breakfast. When I emerged out of my room, fully-dressed and ready for my voyage to the outhouse, only the lingering smells of fried pork and eggs remained in the kitchen. Christina was busy doing the dishes and shot me a cheeky look.

“You’ve seen better days,” she commented with her gap-toothed smile.

I nodded gently; any extra movement was making my veins press against my skull. I did my best to look presentable by soaking my face in the ice cold wash basin for a few minutes and wearing a load of blush and undereye concealer but this was one of those things I guess you couldn’t hide.

“Where is everyone else?” I asked, carefully pulling on my boots.

She shrugged as she wiped down the cast iron pan. “I think they’re outside looking over Mitch’s guns.”

I opened my mouth then shut it again, feeling uneasy.

She was watching me. “What?”

I looked around the cabin even though I knew no one was in earshot and came closer to her.

“Is Mitch all right? I mean he’s a bit…”

“Intense?” she supplied.

“That, yes. He kind of creeps me out.”

Christina looked grim. “That’s Mitch. I stay away from his gross ass as much as possible.”

“But are Dex and I going to be safe with him?”

She seemed to think that over. “Even though he doesn’t believe it exists, if you’re ever attacked by the Sasquatch, or any kind of wild animal, you couldn’t do better than Mitch.”

It sounded like she wasn’t finishing her sentence.

“Otherwise?” I asked.

“You’ve got your boyfriend with you. You’ll be fine.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I said quickly.

She rolled her eyes. “Right.”

I didn’t have time to explain and I had a feeling she must have had some inkling about my drunken shenanigans last night – something I didn’t feel like revisiting – so I grabbed my coat and stepped out into the cold morning.

They say everything always looks better in the light of day but the area around the cabin looked just as ominous and desolate as it did at night. The sky was a moody grey and the only brightness came from the few inches of snow that had fallen overnight. In the distance, beyond the tall, suffocating reach of the fir trees, were the jagged white peaks reaching into the sky, their sides marred by slashes of dark rock.

I shuffled my way through the white powder to the outhouse and got my business done as quickly as possible. The near freezing temperatures definitely kept the smell and grossness at bay, but my ass ended up almost getting frostbite.