When he kissed me, I knew he didn’t actually doubt my love for him. And I knew that I didn’t doubt it, either. I wanted to stay there with him forever, but the rest of the group was waiting for our decision. We walked back in the room hand in hand, and Roan smiled.

“I knew you’d do the right thing,” he said, and I wasn’t sure if he was talking to Talin or me.

* * *

Talin, Grig, Osius, and Ceren’s guard headed east that afternoon so they could cross the border into Ilara under cover of darkness. The odds that Ceren would have men watching that border were slim—it led into far northern Ilara, which was uninhabited—but the Galethians had promised to help them cross the border safely, with the councilmember from the nearest fort escorting them.

I watched them go from the top of a hill, clutching Zadie’s hand as they disappeared around a curve in the road. Until I left Varenia the first time, I didn’t have any practice with goodbyes. Now I understood that they wouldn’t get easier. Difficult things, I was learning, never did. You simply got stronger.

“Is this a stupid plan?” I asked Zadie. “Should we have stayed together?”

She shook her head. “It’s not a stupid plan. But I understand why you’re questioning it.” She sat down on the grass and motioned for me to join her. “When were you going to tell me about Ceren and the visions?” she asked. There was no accusation in her voice, only hurt.

“I’m sorry, Zadie. I should have told you when I told Talin. I was just afraid of worrying you unnecessarily, when I didn’t even know what they meant.”

“Silly Nor. Don’t you know I was worried about you anyway? I always know when you’re keeping something from me. I didn’t push you because I knew you’d tell me when you were ready. But I can’t help wishing you’d told me sooner. Not that it would have changed the outcome, but because I might have at least offered you some comfort.”

I stared down at my hands folded in my lap. “I just feel like I’m constantly bringing trouble to the people I love, when all I ever wanted was for you to be happy.”

She placed one of her hands over mine. “I know that, Nor. And so do Talin and Sami. Father knows, and even Mother, I think.”

I raised my eyes to hers. “Then stay in Galeth with Sami. Stay so I’ll know that at least two of the people I love will be safe.”

“Nor—”

“You and Sami could have a good life here,” I insisted. “This journey will be dangerous, and there’s nothing you and Sami can do that the Galethians and I can’t. It’s me that Ceren wants. There’s no reason for you and Sami to risk yourselves.”

I trailed off when I saw that her expression hadn’t changed a bit.

“Are you finished?” she asked.

“I don’t know. I suppose so.”

“Good. Now it’s my turn. When you went to Ilara, I experienced the worst pain I’d ever felt. The sting from the maiden’s hair jellyfish was nothing compared to the agony of your loss. I put on a brave face because I didn’t want you to leave thinking I wouldn’t be all right without you. But even Sami’s banishment didn’t hurt me as much, perhaps because I’d already become numb. I don’t know.”

“Zadie—”

She started to raise a hand to cover my mouth in warning, and I pressed my lips closed.

“Look, Nor. I know you think you have to be the brave one all the time, that you’re the leader and I follow. That you have to be everything for me. And it’s my fault more than anyone’s. But there was one good thing that came from you leaving.” She took my hands in hers. “I learned I can be brave, too.”

I shook my head. “I know. I’ve always known.”

“Yes,” she said, her golden-brown eyes welling with tears. “But I didn’t. And I would sooner die than let you leave without me again.”

I bit my lower lip to keep it from trembling. “I’m so sorry, Zadie.”

“After you left, things in Varenia were bad. Worse than I’ve let on. I had told myself that I’d done what I’d done not just so I could be with Sami, but also so that you could go to Ilara and live the life you dreamed of. I couldn’t think of another way. And I’ve never forgiven myself for asking you to help me that night.”

“I have never held it against you. I know you thought it was your only option.”

“But I struggled with the guilt, with my own selfishness. I told Sami everything, and he said he understood, but I don’t know if he did. I think a part of him would have found it nobler if I had gone to Ilara anyway, despite the fact that he loved me. I dishonored myself by lying and allowing you to take my punishment, and I don’t know that he’ll ever see me the same way as he did before.”

“That’s not fair,” I said, my anger growing on her behalf. “It’s not like he was doing anything to help!”

“He has guilt of his own, believe me. That’s why he tried to convince his father and the elders of your innocence after he saw you in the port market. He risked his standing in the community for both of us, and it cost him everything.” She looked away. “He isn’t the same since the banishment, Nor. It took something from him.”

We sat in silence for a few minutes. “What happened out there on the ocean?” I asked gently.

She shook her head. “I don’t know exactly. He doesn’t like to talk about those three nights at sea. He was able to create a makeshift paddle from the benches on the boat and row to shore on the fourth day. But I don’t think it was being at sea that traumatized him; it was the kidnapping, the way people he had known his entire life turned on him. He never wants to go back to Varenia. I don’t, either. Once we free our parents, we plan to go somewhere else to settle. I can’t look those people in the eyes anymore.”

Questions I couldn’t bear to consider popped into my mind without warning. Were those people still alive? Was there even a Varenia left to go back to? “I understand, Zadie.”

I wiped her tears away with my thumbs before they could fall, and she did the same to me. After a minute, she sniffed and set her chin.

“In conclusion, while I appreciate your speech, and I know it’s coming from a place of love, kindly shut up on the subject of this journey.”

I blinked in shock. “Wh-what?”

She rose and brushed the grass from her skirts. “I don’t want to hear about it again. Sami and I are in complete agreement on this, so don’t think going to him behind my back will help. His parents are in just as much peril as ours.”

“I know that,” I said, still reeling as I climbed to my feet. “And I know that you’re brave, Zadie. But selfishly, I want to keep you safe. I couldn’t bear losing you again.”