I swallowed hard, waiting for her next reaction.

She straightened up against the headboard. “The envelope . . . it’s . . . here?”

My heart pounded. “Yes. I got the results earlier in the mail. They came this morning, which is why my behavior at the restaurant was so erratic.”

Her voice was shaky when she asked, “Do you . . . think it’s me?”

“I don’t know, baby. Honest to God, I just don’t know.”

“Are we going to find out?”

“I felt obligated to tell you about the possibility. But in the end, this isn’t my choice. It never was. And I never want to do anything ever again that would hurt you or violate your privacy. I will happily rip up that envelope if you want me to. Or you can take it. We can open it up together or forget it ever existed. We don’t have to find out. Birdie loves you. Amanda’s her mother. Nothing has to change.”

I hated that I’d placed this burden on her. I didn’t know what else to do or say. But I felt the weight lift off my chest now that she knew the truth. I just had absolutely no clue what she was going to do with it.

CHAPTER 28

SADIE

This felt like a dream. As I continued to sit across from him in shock, I honestly couldn’t even move, let alone know what to say.

Amanda might have been following me. If she had been given my identity, how was that even possible? I had been assured that the process was anonymous, which was the only reason I had agreed to it in the first place.

“I’m sorry . . . I . . . still haven’t wrapped my head around this,” I said.

Sebastian leaned in and took me fully into his arms. My breathing immediately relaxed. Despite the uncertainty and shock, I felt safe. I felt loved. And I knew that no matter what happened—he had my back. To know that he fully supported any decision I made about this meant everything. Because I certainly had no idea at this point what the right decision was.

“I don’t blame you for doing what you did,” I said. “I can understand how freaked out you must have been.”

He exhaled. “Thank you. I now realize I should’ve talked to you first, but at the time, I thought maybe I could rule it out before having to scare you.” He shook his head. “But it was wrong. Because . . . if . . . you know . . . it turns out you are . . . that’s not my place to know before you. Or to know at all.”

“I don’t know what the right answer is.”

“You don’t need to make a decision now. Or ever.”

I blew out another shaky breath and just kept nodding. “I’ve always felt so connected to her.”

“I know. This whole thing . . . it’s been like some sort of magic from the start. But maybe there was more to it than that.”

“Suppose Amanda did look for me. Then there’s always the chance that they might have given her the wrong info, right? Or maybe . . . my articles just resonated and gave her hope and this is all just a weird coincidence. I mean, they are public articles. Anything is possible, right?”

“Of course. That’s why I debated even telling you at first. I thought I might be crazy for even thinking it. It seemed so hard to believe.”

A tear finally formed in my eye, rolling down my cheek as the realization hit me in waves. Not just because I had no clue what to do but also because it hit me that if Birdie were my biological child, that she was our child. Sebastian’s and mine. Made from us. I could have inadvertently made a human with the man I love before I ever even knew him. The emotions that thought brought about were some of the strongest I’d ever experienced. But stronger than anything was the thought that if this were true . . . how could I ever tell Birdie? She’d already lost her mother. And this would be like losing her all over again in a sense. For what? So I could have some kind of validation? It wasn’t fair.

Shaking my head repeatedly, I said, “I have to think about this.”

“Take all the time you need. I mean it. We can pretend it’s not happening until then. I have no problem doing that. Just tell me that this won’t break us,” he pleaded.

I looked into the eyes of the beautiful man before me and gave him the assurance he needed. “The only thing I am sure of right now is that I need you more than ever. I love you, Sebastian. I love you so much.”

He reached for me and spoke into my neck. “I don’t want you going home tonight. I need you here with me. In my bed. It’s time.”

I wasn’t going to argue with that. I couldn’t imagine going home alone right now with the weight of this decision wearing me down.

We didn’t have sex that night. Sebastian just held me until I fell asleep in his arms, so confused and scared—yet safe and loved.

The following morning, it might have seemed like any normal start to a day as the three of us sat in the kitchen having breakfast together. But it felt far from normal. I couldn’t stop staring at her. Her blonde hair . . . was it from me? Her nose . . . it wasn’t exactly like Sebastian’s. Did it look like mine?

“I was surprised to see you here,” Birdie said to me. “You’re never here for breakfast with us.”

Sebastian cleared his throat. “Sadie spent the night last night. How do you feel about her doing that more often? Maybe every weekend?”

Birdie shrugged and smiled. “Duh.”

Sebastian and I grinned at each other as he reached across the table for my hand.

I was in a total daze. As much as I wanted this dilemma to go away, I knew that the decision wasn’t going to come easy or soon.

Birdie and I ended up taking Marmaduke to the park after breakfast, enjoying the late-autumn beauty of the city.

When we returned to the house, we were alone, since Sebastian had been gone at the restaurant most of the day. After Birdie retreated to her room to read a book for a school assignment, I wandered the house aimlessly until I landed right in front of one of the photos of Amanda in Sebastian’s room.

I lifted the frame and stared into her smiling eyes.

It felt natural to speak to her even though I knew she wasn’t really here to listen. “What did you intend? Why did you collect those articles? Were you trying to find me or were you hoping to leave a trail? Were you just curious about me?” I sighed. “Or maybe we have it all wrong. I wish I could ask you what you would want me to do right now.” A tear escaped down my cheek.

If Amanda’s intention was to find me, why wouldn’t she have actually contacted me? She knew she was dying. She apparently knew where to find me. And she never did. So why stalk my articles? I would never know what she wanted. Sebastian had left the decision to me. On one hand, I appreciated that he’d done that. On the other, it might have been easier if someone could just tell me the right thing to do.

“I’m sorry, Amanda. I’m so sorry. I hope you’re in a better place. I promise you I’ll look after Birdie. I’ll protect her and make sure she has a female role model. Thank you for bringing her into the world. And thank you for leading me to Sebastian. I know it’s awkward for me to be thanking you for leading me to your husband. But I promise to love him and to cherish him and to never try to take your place. I truly feel that you would want him to be happy, even if he seems unsure of that. Woman to woman, I know in my heart that you wouldn’t want him to be sad and alone.”