I stop in front of her in the middle of the muddy grass and her eyelids lift open, her lashes fluttering against the raindrops. She starts to raise her head up, but I cup her face in between my hands, holding her in place. I tip my head forward and bring my mouth to hers. Sucking the rain from her bottom lip, I taste her slowly, feeling the warmth of her breath against my mouth.

“Kayden,” she murmurs, shutting her eyes as her fingers travel up my back and knot through my hair.

I open my mouth and slip my tongue deep inside hers as my hand tangles through her wet hair. My other hand slides down her neck, leaving a hot trail as I feel my way along her wet clothes and body down to her hips. I scoop her up and she gasps as her legs latch around my waist. The heat of our bodies warms up the coldness from our wet clothes as we cling onto each other. Holding her tightly, I secure my arms underneath her ass and kiss her fiercely as the rain nearly drowns us. Heading across the grass, I crack my eyelids open every once in a while to make sure I’m traveling in the right direction of my dorm building.

I luck out and someone is walking inside as we reach the entrance. I catch the door with my foot, before it closes, maneuver it open, and get us into the hallway without putting her down. There are people inside, watching us curiously, but I don’t stop. This is one of those moments that it would nearly kill me if I pulled away.

As my hands wander across her body, I feel everything. The way my heart jumps inside my chest, the way her hands in my hair make my breathing rapid, the excitement to get her in my room, the eagerness to touch more of her, to make her moan, the way she clings to me, trusting me, needing me.

No one has ever needed me before because I’ve never let anyone that far in.

Callie

I’m dancing in the rain, just like I’m supposed to. It’s cold, yet it feels wonderful because it was my choice. As I’m spinning around in circles, Kayden walks up to me with fear and want in his eyes. The look scares me and excites me. I don’t know if I’m ready for what waits on the other side of that look, but I want to find out.

He cups my wet cheeks and kisses me deliberately, like he’s memorizing every second. It’s the perfect kiss and I pretend it’s my first, kissing him the way I want to.

He picks me up, with his lips fastened to mine as he carries me toward his room. I grip onto him, telling myself that I can make it farther this time, that I just need to trust him.

He somehow gets the door to his room open without putting me down and he stumbles inside and shuts the door. Laughing against my lips, he kicks something out of the way and it hits the wall with a thud. I lower my feet to the floor as his hands sneak under my shirt and his palms are cold against my skin. I trace my fingers through his wet locks, down his broad shoulders and to the bottom of his shirt, along his lower abs.

He winces at my touch and I recoil my hand back. “I’m sorry,” I say.

He blinks at me and then reaching over his shoulder, he tugs his shirt over his head and discards it on the floor. I saw him with his shirt off once, at the pool house. This is different though. The light emphasizes every single white scar, small and big, on his lean chest, his arms, his firm stomach. Some are as tiny as my fingernail, some bigger, and there is one that tracks all the way down the front of him.

Impulsively, I lean forward, shut my eyes, and touch my lips to the middle of his chest above his heart, my breath feathering his skin.

“Callie,” he says as his muscles stiffen. “I don’t think…” He trails off as I begin to place kisses all over his chest, making sure to touch each scar, wishing it would take the memories of them away, but knowing memories that dark don’t go away.

My head travels upward to his collarbone, his neck, his chin. I don’t know what I’m doing or what I’m feeling, but it’s new and raw and sends adrenaline through my body. When I reach his lips, I place a kiss on them and then move away.

His eyes are amplified, his breathing erratic, and his face is filled with agony. I tense, worried I’ve done something wrong, but then his expression softens. He cups his hand around the back of my neck, his fingertips pressing into my skin as he leans in to kiss me with so much passion it rips away all the cold inside my body.

He backs us toward the bed, slipping the jacket off my shoulders and reaching for the bottom of my shirt. I tell myself I can handle it; that he’s not going to hurt me as I raise my arms and he lifts it over my head.

A big step and it scares the shit out of me, but he crashes his lips into mine before my thoughts can catch up. I clutch onto his biceps as he unhooks the clasp of my bra and it falls off my arms. I barely breathe at the feel of his bare skin touching mine. It feels good. And bad. It feels like everything I’ve wanted, but didn’t think I could have.

His lips leave my mouth and move downward across the hollow of my neck, pausing at the top of my chest. My eyes roll shut at the first touch of his mouth against my nipple. I fist my hands, unsure where to channel the helpless energy as he slides his tongue along the curve of my breast. A pleading cry flees my lips as my knees start to give out. He grips at my waist, his palms scorching with heat as he steadies me, and makes a path of kisses across my chest. A tingly sensation spreads between my thighs and I cry out, grabbing handfuls of his hair as my heart throbs inside my chest.

“You’re so beautiful,” Kayden murmurs as I struggle to stay on my feet.

“You’re so beautiful,” he mutters as he pins me down. I struggle to break free, but his knees press down on my shins and his fingers wrap around my wrists, trapping my arms above my head.

It all comes crashing down like the rain and the lightning outside. My eyes snap open and I jerk away, folding my arms across my chest. “I-I’m sorry. I-I can’t do this.”

He blinks his eyes, shocked. “What’s wrong?”

I turn in a circle, searching the floor. “It’s nothing. I just need my shirt.” I kick some of the clothes on the floor out of the way, my lungs squeezing tightly, constricting my oxygen flow. “I just need my shirt.”

His fingers graze my arm and I flinch, sucking in a deep breath, forcing back the tears. “Tell me what’s wrong,” he begs.

“It’s nothing.” I shrug off his hand as tears spill from my eyes. “I just need to go.”

His hands come down on my shoulders and he forces me to face him. I keep my eyes locked on the floor, refusing to look at him. He hooks his finger under my chin and elevates my face upward.

He scans the tears and his eyes widen. “Oh my god, I thought you were okay with going that far. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not you or that.” I wrench my face away from him and back toward the door with my arms still covering my chest.

“Then, what is it?” He steps toward me, searching my eyes desperately for an answer. “Callie, you’re really freaking me out right now. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

I shake my head, backing away, my shoulders curling inward in humiliation. “I can’t tell you. I just need to go.”

As the foul feeling in my stomach begins to build, owning me, controlling me, I reel for the door, ready to run out without a shirt on. He hurries in front of me, blocking my way with his body.

“You can’t walk out there like that,” he says, his eyes skimming my bare chest.

“I need to get out of here,” I choke, clutching at my stomach.

“I feel like I did something wrong… did I hurt you or something?”

My shoulders lurch as I choke through the sobs. “You didn’t do anything. He did.”

“Who did?” He steps toward me and I’m verging on shoving my finger down my throat right there in front of him because I can’t hold it in.

I skitter to the side, trying to dodge around him, the walls closing in on me. I need air. “I need to get out of here.”

His fingers snag my waist. “I can’t let you go out like that. Just trust me enough to tell me.”

“No! You can’t handle it.”

“Callie.” He’s freaking out. I’m freaking out. The entire situation is a mess. “I can handle anything you tell me.”

I shake my head as my knees buckle and his arms hold me up. “No, you can’t.” The vomit burns at the back of my throat as my ears ring and my eyes blur over with more tears. I’m hyperventilating and dizziness floods through my body. “No one wants to handle hearing about a twelve-year-old being raped… I have to keep it locked away. I have to…” I trail off, knowing I’ll never get it back.

I jerk from his arms, feeling ashamed, but he grabs my hand and yanks on my arm, crashing me against him. He cradles my head, smoothing my hair as my shoulders shake and my tears soak his scarred chest.

Chapter 14

#34 Let Someone Kayden Get Close to You

Kayden

If I could hold her forever, I would. I wasn’t expecting that to come out of her mouth. I knew she had something dark hidden inside her, but not that. It hurts deep inside my chest and I have a hard time not busting my fist against the headboard again. The only thing that stops me is I don’t want to take my arms off her.

She cried forever and each sob nearly ripped me in two. It was like stitches coming apart. Eventually she fell asleep curled up against me with her head tucked against my chest. I trace lines on her bare back, staring off into empty space, wondering how anyone could have done that to her.

I don’t know if I can handle it. The longer I lay there, the more worked up I get as feelings of anger consume me. I flex my hands, stab my nails into my skin, fight to stay still.

Callie begins to stir and peers up at me with her swollen, bloodshot eyes.

“Are you okay?” I ask, brushing her hair back from her forehead.

“I’m fine.” Her voice is hoarse, her cheeks red, and her pupils are dilated.

I pause, not sure what question is the right question, or if one even exists. “Callie, what you told me… who else knows about this?”

“No one.” Her bare shoulders rise and fall as she fights to breathe. “Except for Seth.”

I hesitate, my fingers still in her hair. “Not even your mom?”

The sadness in her eyes nearly kills me. “Only you and Seth.” She tucks her head down, hiding her face.

I want to ask her who it was, so I can hunt them down and fucking beat him to death. Thousands of ideas flood my mind, but I never knew her well enough to make assumptions. I could ask her, but at the moment she might break if I do. I know because I’ve been at that point most of my life.

“I think we should get you dressed.” I lift my head and glance over her shoulder at the clock on the nightstand.

“I’m sorry. You probably have stuff to do and I’m sitting here, holding you up.” She slants her head to the side to slip out from my arm, but I flex my arms and hug her against me.

“I only said that because Luke’s going to be home soon,” I explain, inching her face closer to mine. “Not because I want you to get dressed and leave.”

“Oh.” She relaxes a little, the locks of her hair spreading across my chest as she lowers her face down.