“Shit! Ryan!” I yell, dropping to his side. I check for a pulse and listen for breathing. He’s got both. I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and I’m just about to call an ambulance when he lets out a moan.

He smacks his lips, and his eyes flicker open. His gaze meets mine.

“Are you okay?” I blurt. Tears drip down my face.

“Ugghhh.”

“Why?” I cry, plucking the bottle from his hand and throwing it in the trash. “Why do you keep doing this?”

“Sorry,” he moans.

I grab a washcloth from the closet, wet it, and begin dabbing at his forehead and neck. I’m wondering if I should call Daddy Denial to ask if I should take Ryan to the hospital when the doorbell rings.

“I’ll be right back,” I tell Ryan. “Don’t move, got it?”

He shuts his eyes and keeps cleaning his face with the washcloth. I quickly check my appearance in the mirror—I’ve got red, puffy eyes.

I peer through the peephole. Will’s here, still in his jersey and baseball pants. He adjusts his cap. I pull open the door. “Hey.”

“Hi,” he replies, focusing on his cleats. “Can we talk? I dropped by because—”

“Can we talk later?” I rush to ask.

His head pops up. “What’s wrong?” He watches me wipe tears away. The smells of fabric softener and fried chicken threaten to make me sick.

He steps forward and wraps me in a hug. “Talk to me.”

The story tumbles out of my mouth. Will releases me and charges through the front door, with me on his heels. He finds Ryan and kneels down next to him. Will does the same thing I did: checks his pulse and listens to his breathing.

“Let’s take him to the hospital.”

“Are you sure?” I whisper.

“I’m fine,” Ryan slurs.

“I have never been so sure of anything,” Will says, finding my eyes. “We’re taking him in.”

At the hospital, we’re not allowed in the emergency room. Will paces around the waiting room while I pick at my orange nail polish.

Dad was on his way home from work when I called. He’s rushing over to the hospital now.

“Can you please sit with me?” I ask Will. “You’re making me nervous.”

He gives me a slight smile and slides in next to me. Our hips touch, and he leans over and wraps his hands behind his neck. Nurses and orderlies zip back and forth in front of us. The paging system calls for Dr. Turner to report straight to the ICU. A woman with a broken leg rolls by in a wheelchair.

“Thank you for bringing us,” I tell Will quietly. “An ambulance would’ve cost too much, and I don’t drive often.” I clutch my knees.

“Does this happen a lot? With your brother?” he asks.

“He’s always high, if that’s what you mean.”

“Has he ever ODed before?”

I shake my head. “Not that I know of. I can’t believe this.”

“Bad things happen sometimes.”

“Yeah.”

It’s cool that Will is here supporting me, and not judging. If anyone from Forrest Sanctuary finds out about this, I can’t imagine the grief the church will give my family. A few years ago, Tasha Reed drank too much at a field party and had to be rushed to the hospital, and everyone at church had a field day with that one for ages.

An orderly walks by pushing some medical contraption covered by cords. That’s when I see Veena over by the nurse’s station. She spots me. Her eyes narrow, and she tightens her ponytail, starting toward me. Her pink scrubs bring out her tan skin and brown curls, and I can’t believe Dad would be so stupid as to let our church convince him to give her up.

“What are you doing here?” Veena asks, as Will and I stand to greet her.

“Her brother’s in the ER. We just brought him in,” Will replies, and Veena’s gone, running toward a set of double doors before I even get to say hello.

Will helps me to sit back down and this time, he puts an arm around me and talks about how Bo was in the hospital a lot when he was little. “One time last year, he had pneumonia. Dad was in the room with him and he accidentally fell asleep. I guess Bo saw someone walking by with a bag of Doritos, so he ripped the IV out of his leg, climbed out of the hospital bed and ran down the hall after the chips.”

I laugh softly and smile over at him. “All you Whitfield boys are such trouble.”

“Proud of it.”

That’s when Dad comes rushing into the ER and lifts me into his arms. Then he sets me down and beelines for the nurse’s station. I ask them to page Veena, and sadness and confusion and hurt cloud Dad’s face when she appears from behind those ominous double doors.

“How’s my son?” he hurries to ask her.

“He’ll be fine,” Veena tells Dad, placing a hand on his arm, to calm him. “We pumped his stomach, but there’s no irreparable damage.”

Veins bulge in Dad’s throat. “Thank you,” he tells her. “For taking care of him.” Then Dad wraps a hand around the back of my neck and kisses the top of my head. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I reply. Veena averts her gaze, dabbing at her eye with a thumb.

“Dr. Matlock wants to keep Ryan overnight for observation,” Veena says.

“Should I call your mom?” Will asks me, touching my elbow.

“No,” Dad and I say at the same time. I don’t think either of us can take that right now. It seems like he just noticed Will is here with me, because his back goes rigid and he briefly shakes Will’s hand, avoiding his eyes.

Dad’s going to stay overnight with Ryan, so Will says he’ll give me a ride home. Dad eyes Will, his face suspicious. “You go straight home, and no visitors tonight, okay?”

“Okay,” I reply.

Will puts an arm around me, and as we’re walking to the parking lot, Veena hurries after us. Her pink scrubs glow under the parking lot lights. She wraps her arms around herself to keep warm. “Parker, can I talk to you for a minute?”

Will gently touches my lower back before moving away.

Veena glances at him. “He’s cute, huh?”

I pinch my lip and nod.

“Are you dating him?”

“No. He’s just a friend.”

She gives me a look. Nothing gets past her. “I’m glad you’re hanging out with someone your age, at least.”

“Sorry about what happened with Dad,” I say, changing the subject.

She shakes her head and laughs to herself. She seems resigned. “The people around here don’t make it easy to fit in, that’s for sure.”

“You’re telling me.”

She places a hand on my upper arm. “But are you all right? Do you need to talk? About anything?”

I don’t think I am okay, no. “Everything’s cool,” I tell her.

“Okay, well maybe I’ll see you around sometime.”

“I’ll be at church on Sunday.”

She smiles sadly. “I don’t think I’m going back to Forrest Sanctuary. But I get coffee all the time at the 41 Drive-In.”

“You should look up Will’s church. It’s called Westwood. They’re very nice there.” Veena smiles and thanks me, and says she needs to get back inside. “Thanks for everything,” I add, wishing so bad that she and Dad had worked out, and then I’m buckled into Will’s truck and we’re heading back to my house in silence. Streetlights whiz by. I watch his dangling pine tree air freshener swing back and forth.

At home, he jingles his keys as he walks me to the door. We stand under the porch light as gnats buzz around our heads.

“Thanks again,” I whisper, bowing my head. He puts two fingers under my chin, lifting it to where we can see each other.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he replies, pulling me into a hug. I dry my eyes on his sweatshirt and he responds by giving me a quick kiss on the top of my head.

“Night,” I say, touching the patch of hair his lips just touched. My heart beats like crazy. “Wait. Can you come in for a minute?”

Without a word, he follows me inside and to my bedroom. The streetlamp outside my window cuts a beam of light across the rug. He stares down at me for a long time, like I’m the only thing in the universe.

“I’d better go home,” he says, clutching the side of his neck.

“Yeah, you should go.” I’m praying that Drew doesn’t notice Will’s truck in the driveway. But mostly I’m praying Will doesn’t try to kiss me tonight, and fearing that he won’t.

“I’ll stay until you’re tucked in,” he says, so I put on my pajamas while he waits in the hallway, then I let him back into my room.

“Wait. Why’d you drop by again?” I ask.

He smiles and shakes his head. “It’s not important tonight.” He takes my hand, leading me toward my bed. I crawl under the covers and he pulls them up to my neck.

“I’m glad you were here.”

“Me too,” he says, sitting on my bed. He runs a hand over my head. His eyes bore into mine. He leans over and presses a kiss to my forehead, says good night, and leaves my room, looking back at me one last time.

It would’ve been so easy to invite him into my bed.

But I don’t want to be that kind of girl.

I miss the girl I used to be.

falling to pieces

25 days until i turn 18

“Let’s bring it in, guys!” Brian shouts to the team.

Thursday’s practice just ended, so I dump ice out of two coolers onto the ground and lug them to the left field equipment shed, where I store them on a shelf. This is one of the first moments I’ve had to myself in days, so I lean against the wall, inhaling the musky scent of worn leather. A fly buzzes past me. I dip my thumbs into my jeans pockets and shut my eyes.

This week has been too emotional. Too confusing. Ryan stayed in the hospital overnight and came home on Tuesday, but when I asked Dad if we’re going to get him some help, Dad said he’s not ready to make any decisions yet.

I checked our insurance. It doesn’t cover counseling, or I’d get him an appointment myself. Maybe Vanderbilt has some free services for students?

I suck in a breath, listening to the laughter coming from outside the shed. I’m enjoying the peace when I hear a voice.

“Hey.”

I twirl around to find Will standing in the doorway, the sun filling the air around his body with bright white light.

“Hey.” I give him a grin.

“Can we talk?” he asks. “I want to tell you why I dropped by the other night.”

“Sure. What’s up?”

His mouth twitches and he rubs his palms together. “I was wondering if you’d go to prom with me.”

A big smile leaps across my face, but then I remember. Drew. I shouldn’t. But I want this. I face the wooden wall. Catch my breath. “I’d really love that…”

“Okay, so we’re on?” He sounds excited.

“I, um.” I toe the basket of balls at my feet. “Before I can answer, I need to figure a few things out.”