“Yeah,” I mumble, fumbling with my pencil.

His brow wrinkles. “I don’t appreciate it when people waste my time.”

Then he’s gone.

stalkerish tendencies aren’t necessarily a bad thing, right?

51 days until i turn 18

Practice ends, and after pouring the water onto the grass and storing the coolers in the shed, I go meet Drew in the parking lot. He’s standing with Sam, who’s gesturing wildly.

“I don’t know why Dr. Salter has to approve our prom theme this year,” Sam exclaims. “How was I supposed to know that when I suggested a pajama party prom last year a bunch of guys would show up only in their underwear?”

Drew’s cracking up. “Um, you wore snakeskin boxers that sparkle, dude.”

“Fancy, weren’t they?” Sam laughs. “I wear the cutest underpants.”

I preferred Chase Neal’s puppy dog boxers. I really like animals.

“So if we win the Prom Decisional, what theme will we suggest?” Drew asks Sam.

“I’m thinking we should tell Dr. Salter we want an Ancient Rome theme. We can all show up in togas!”

I smile, tucking my hands in my pockets. Sam’s nice and funny, but I don’t know him like I know Drew. I usually keep to myself when he hangs out with his friends. And that’s fine. I prefer to keep most people at bay.

“I’m glad you’re not on the softball team,” Sam says to me. “It’d be a lot harder to beat y’all if you were playing.”

Every April, the Hundred Oaks softball team plays the baseball team, and whoever wins gets to pick the prom theme. The softball team won my freshman and sophomore years, but lost junior year. A lot of the guys were glad I didn’t play. They got their Underpants Prom, after all.

Prom is on May first, but I’m not sure if I’m going. Aside from all the wild underwear, last year wasn’t much fun considering Drew and Amy were suctioned together at the mouth the entire time, and my date, He Who Shall Not Be Named (okay, okay—it was Charlie McIntosh), kept trying to feel me up in the middle of the gym. Gross. Anyway, I wouldn’t mind going to prom this year if I thought it would be a good time with a guy I really like and trust. A man like Lord Devereaux, the hero in this romance novel I’m reading right now. He’s a pioneer of women’s rights and gives loans to poor people, all while lusting after Princess Penelope.

God only knows why, but Corndog rides a lawnmower up to me. He pats the seat behind his butt. “Your chariot awaits, Parker.”

I avoid his eyes and check my phone. I’m supposed to go shopping with Drew this afternoon and don’t have time for another Corndog lecture about how I screw over his friends. As if I don’t feel bad enough about my life already.

“Dude, why are you riding a lawnmower?” Sam asks.

“Dad caught me drinking again and took away my truck,” Corndog pouts.

“Bullshit,” Sam says, folding his arms across his chest, laughing. “You never party.”

“Fine, fine,” Corndog replies, chuckling. “I’ve been way bored since grades don’t matter anymore and I wanted to see how long it’d take me to get here riding this thing. I’ve been tweaking the engine to make it go faster.”

I smile a little. Since I was named valedictorian, I’ve been bored too. Like me, Corndog’s always loved science. We partnered on projects together until Laura started liking him in middle school.

“It seems like walking would be faster than a lawnmower,” I say.

“But it’s not nearly as cool!” Corndog retorts.

“Henry! Would you get your ass over here!” Jordan Woods calls from beside Sam’s truck. He’s letting her drive his truck now? Must be real serious.

“Gotta jet. The ole ball and chain needs me,” Sam says. His grin is so bright. He jogs to his truck and pulls her into a passionate kiss.

“Get a room!” Corndog yells at them, then focuses on us.

“We’re going shopping at Cool Springs,” Drew says, pointing at me with his thumb. “You in?”

“I can’t,” Corndog replies, glancing at my face. “Dad needs my help today. But thanks for the invite.” He tools off on his lawnmower. Wow, it does go fast.

“Corndog’s dad had to let their farmhand go,” Drew whispers. “I guess money is super tight and demand for their milk and eggs is down.”

“That’s sad,” I say, watching Corndog disappear onto the highway toward the countryside.

“I’m worried about him,” Drew says before he and I climb into the bug. He checks his hair in the rearview mirror. “Harry Potter movie marathon tonight?”

I buckle my seatbelt. “You don’t have plans with Amy?”

He stops combing his hair. Hesitates. “I broke up with her last night.”

I cover my mouth with a hand. “I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m just moving on, all right?”

“Are you okay?”

“Fine, fine.” He blushes. “I just want to watch Harry Potter.”

“I’m in,” I reply.

“Great.” He claps his hands together once, looking away from the mirror. “There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

I fiddle with a tangle of hair. Corndog must’ve known about the breakup before I did and thought Drew did it because he likes me. But I don’t think that’s possible. Drew and I spend hours lying in bed together, chatting and watching TV and reading. I’ve never felt that electric charge between us, telling me he wants to make a move. Drew’s the friend who stuck by me through everything. I’m scared for him. I’m scared, that, if what I suspect is true, he’ll face the same narrow-mindedness I did.

“What do you want to talk—”

“You wouldn’t believe what Steven Reed did at the party I was at last night,” Drew interrupts.

“What?”

“You know how he broke his leg ice skating last month and how he has to wear a walking cast?”

“Yeah…”

“So he was like completely trashed out at Miller’s, and he was stumbling along the road, pretending to hitchhike. And he fell into a ditch, and he was so drunk he started screaming about how he’d broken his leg. And Marie Baird had to convince him that his leg was already broken.”

We laugh as Drew turns the ignition. I watch out the window as Brian climbs into his red Ford F150. Our eyes meet, but he doesn’t acknowledge me. What went wrong? Just an hour ago we were joking around. Is he really that mad about the stats? About me wasting his time? Why didn’t I tell him the truth?

I wave as his truck pulls away. He doesn’t wave back. And that feeling of belonging, of having someone who understands where I’ve been, fades.

Brian’s left blinker turns on.

“Follow him!” I exclaim.

Drew gapes as we pull out of the parking lot. He doesn’t question me. He peels out onto the four-lane, heading into town, trailing behind Brian’s truck. Good friends don’t question stalkerish tendencies, and well, Drew’s a great friend.

“Don’t stay right behind him,” I squeal.

“He doesn’t know it’s us.”

“Okay, one, he has a rearview mirror. And two, how many people have red VW bugs around here?”

Drew lets off the accelerator and swerves into the left lane. I slap a hand on the window as Brian takes the next right, and we keep on going straight.

“Drew! You lost him!”

“You told me not to stay right behind him!” He clutches the wheel.

“I didn’t mean lose him altogether.” I throw my hands up in the air.

“I’m sorry,” Drew says, giving me a weird look. He narrows his eyes.

I rub his shoulder. “It’s fine…How about Jiffy Burger for lunch?”

His face lights up, and he steps on the gas.

I can’t eat the food at JB—too many carbs—but their French fries and cherry Sun Drop make my friend happy. And that’s enough for me.

After lunch and shopping with Drew, I find Dad passed out on the couch with his Bible splayed open across his chest. Piles of architecture and floor plan magazines lay haphazardly on the coffee table, alongside a cup of tea.

It’s only 5:00 p.m., but he’s snoring up a storm. At forty-two years old, he has a full head of brown hair the color of dark chocolate, and only a few wrinkles. He’s very handsome, but you can’t tell for the sadness. I press a kiss to his forehead. His eyelids flutter open.

“I’ll start dinner in a bit,” he says, but I tell him not to worry. I’ll take care of it. He whispers he loves me.

“Love you too,” I mumble back, but he’s falling asleep again already. I can hear music, the beat thumping against the walls of Ryan’s room. The drums make the floor vibrate. I slowly walk down the dark hallway past prints of the Beijing National Stadium and the Kansas City Public Library to my room and set my shopping bags on the rug. A knock sounds on my door.

“Come in.”

Ryan pokes his head in. His brown hair sticks up every which way and one eye is squinty. “Can you help me with my laundry, Park?”

I sit down on my bed and open my laptop. “Give me a few, ’kay?”

“Sure. Thanks.” Ryan shuts the door, leaving me alone.

“You’re welcome,” I mutter. “It’s nice to see you. I’m great, thanks. Laura said mean things about me at practice. The chemistry test yesterday was a real bitch, but I studied hard so I hope I get an A. Thanks for asking, Ryan.” I stare at my duvet as I say this, feeling like a crazy loser. I wish my brother would tell me he’s proud of me, but I doubt he’ll ever care about anyone trying to be their best again.

In high school, Ryan was a perfectionist. Woke up every day at 6:00 a.m. Mom would cook him breakfast and iron the button-down shirts he used to wear, while he went over his homework again. Like me, he made straight As, but he exceeded my accomplishments in so many ways. He was student council president. Lots of girls wanted to date him. He ran the yearbook staff. He played shortstop for the Raiders and was elected homecoming king. He ruled high school, but he couldn’t wait for college. He couldn’t wait to leave behind the people who didn’t take school seriously, the people who partied on weekends and didn’t give a crap about their SAT scores. He couldn’t wait to study premed at Vanderbilt.

He started falling apart the middle of freshman year, after Mom left, after learning that even at a prestigious college, not everyone was focused like he was. It’s like the minute our family disintegrated he finally figured out that reality didn’t match his dreams.

My cell rings. The caller ID says it’s Mom. I let it go to voice mail, then play it on speaker. I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around my shins while I listen.

“Parker…it’s me. Mom. I’d love to chat with you, you know, whenever you have a chance. Your dad told me about Vanderbilt. Congratulations! I’m so proud of you. Theresa and I are doing well. We just got a new puppy. She’s a labradoodle! That means she’s half Labrador, half poodle. I think we’re going to call her Annie. I know how much you love that musical…Okay, well, I’ll call again soon. I love you.” Beep.