“That’s because nobody likes it.”

He laughed. “You’re probably right.”

“Have you tried Starbucks?” I suggested.

“They only sell hot apple juice. Not the same thing.”

“If you say so.”

His attention was drawn to my cup again. “So, seriously, why aren’t you drinking it?”

Why didn’t I want to tell him? Maybe because people had been making me feel weird about my strict commitment to swimming lately. There was nothing wrong with commitment, sacrifice. “I avoid sugar when I can.”

A horrified expression came onto his face. “Why?”

“It helps me swim better.”

“Wow” was his only response, and I couldn’t tell if it was an impressed wow or a patronizing one.

I gripped the cup a little tighter. The heat seeping into my palms felt good.

“Don’t you want to know something about me now?” he asked. When I only lowered my brows, he said, “I found out something about you. Now you ask me something. It’s what friends do.”

“I found out about your cider preference. That was a friendship deal breaker for me.”

He smiled, but I could tell my indifference was really bugging him. He was used to everyone liking him, and I didn’t. Was this why he couldn’t just walk away from me: He really was determined to make me his friend? To prove he could? I almost laughed out loud at this realization. He needed everyone to like him. I could ask him one question about himself. That wouldn’t be hard. I stared at him for a moment.

His brown hair was a curly mop on his head. It was short on the sides and longer on top. Did his dad have curly hair? His mom? Had he ever grown it out long? No, those weren’t questions I could really ask, so I continued down to his face. Like I’d noted before, he had green eyes. But he was lucky: instead of having my pale skin, he had an olive undertone to his. His lashes were thick and curled up. Did guys curl their lashes or was that natural? My hand reached into my pocket only to find it empty. I’d left my earphones at home. Not that I was going to put them in right now, but just feeling them in my pocket helped me relax.

His lips were on the thin side and his teeth were very white. I could tell that because he was smiling big right now. “Did you have braces?” I finally decided on.

“Yes, I did.”

There. I’d asked him a question. My eyes were on the leaderboard again, seeing his name and the distance he’d jumped. “Why don’t you do any sports, Holt?” I emphasized his last name with my question. He was obviously athletic. He beat me out at the lake. Sure, he’d cheated, but even if he hadn’t, he’d held his own pretty well. And his name occupied space number three on the leaderboard here and had for months now.

“Waste of my talent,” he said. “I’d rather do student council.”

“What do you do on student council?”

“Not much.”

“You could do both student council and sports.”

“And sacrifice my C average? I don’t think so.”

“Do you even try?”

“At what?”

“At anything?”

“Trying sounds like work.” With that, he flashed me a smile and walked away.

Amelia joined me a few minutes later. “You managed to shake Jackson? How’d you do that?”

“I think I might have offended him.”

“I don’t think Jackson gets offended.”

Either way, it’s what I’d wanted—for him to walk away. Wasn’t it?

“You want this?” I asked, holding up my hot chocolate.

“Of course.” She snatched the drink from me, and we watched a couple more people jump off the platform.

“Where is DJ?” I asked.

“He’s going to come join us in a minute. He’s right there.”

I looked where she’d indicated and didn’t see him anywhere. “Where?”

She narrowed her eyes. “Well, he was. He’ll be right back or I will hunt him down.”

“Does he know what he’s gotten himself into with you?”

She wiggled her eyebrows. “He will soon enough.”

A new person stepped up to the jumping platform. “It’s him,” I said.

“You see DJ?”

“No, Heath Hall.” I grabbed Amelia by the arm and worked my way forward, through onlookers now focused on him, until we were to the front where he could see me. For whatever reason, I wanted him to know I was here.

A low murmur rippled through the crowd. He turned, a harness on, his mask firmly in place. I thought back to our chat earlier about fear and wondered if he was scared right now. I stood on my tiptoes to try and see him better. His gaze went over the crowd. I waited for it to stop on me. It didn’t. He held his arms out to the sides.

“Suck it, fear!” he said, and then fell backward.

Amelia laughed.

My lip curled. “‘Suck it, fear’? That was his big speech? ‘Suck it’?”

She laughed again. “It was awesome.”

I was disappointed and couldn’t figure out why. I didn’t need him to acknowledge me in any way. This wasn’t about me. He obviously didn’t need my help facing his fear.

Amelia grabbed my arm. “Call Robert!”

“Oh! Right!” I whipped out my phone and quickly dialed as Heath Hall dangled on the end of the rope. It rang and rang until finally it spit me out into his voice mail.

“Anything?” Amelia asked when I hung up.

“He didn’t answer.”

“So technically . . .” She tilted her head toward the bridge.

“I guess.”

“‘Suck it, fear,’” Amelia said. “That’s going to be my go-to line from now on when I’m scared to do something.”

“Please, no.”

“‘Suck it, fear,’” she said again through a laugh. “Come on, let’s go find DJ.”

She turned on her heel and walked away. I stayed two beats longer and watched Heath Hall being lowered into the waiting boat below, not wanting to admit to myself that of the words he uttered before jumping, two were words Robert had used all the time.

Nineteen

The next week went by slowly. I had taken a step back from the whole Heath Hall thing. I hadn’t even checked my messages all week. The bungee jumping night left me with a bad taste in my mouth. He had seemed more thoughtful when we chatted online. Even though I hadn’t divulged too much to him, there was something about the chats that made me think. That made me analyze myself. He knew how to ask the right questions. Which was very un-Robert-like. But even if he wasn’t Robert, I was beginning to wonder if he chatted with everyone online. If that was another part of his need for attention. Maybe I didn’t know him in real life, after all.

So when Amelia had told me that he’d given the information online this week about where he’d be, I wasn’t even upset that I’d have to miss it due to the charity dinner. Amelia was. Very upset. That’s why she was calling me again one hour before I had to leave for the dinner.

“What if tonight is the night he chooses to unmask himself and swear the room to whatever secrecy pact they seem to have? What if we miss it because you’re at your brother’s thing and I’m at the stupid swim awards with my parents and brother? Maybe I can get out of it. What if I came up with a really good excuse? One of us needs to be there to see him take off the mask tonight.”