Derek stepped forward – slowly and tentatively. He stopped a few inches in front of me, close enough for me to be aware of how tense he was and how his breaths were coming in slow heaves and sighs. I could sense how powerful he was, how small I was compared to him and for some reason, I couldn’t make myself look up into his face. Instead I kept my gaze on his torso, wondering what was going through his mind.

I froze when he began circling me, his hands clasped behind his back. His eyes were still on me, studying me. I wanted to shrink away from him.

“You’re trembling.”

I didn’t even notice the moderate tremble of my body until he called me out on it.

“Why? Since when do you fear me, Sofia?”

He was asking questions I didn’t know the answers to. Was it because the past few days gave me a clear picture of who he was and what he was capable of doing? Was it because the selfish bubble I was in when I first became his captive at The Shade had finally been burst and I now saw him for what he was? I didn’t know, but I did know that I feared him and I hated it. I wanted to see him as I did before – capable of good, but all I saw when I looked at him was a powerful vampire, a prince of The Shade, whose fickle whims could change at a moment’s notice.

“I’m sorry” was all I could think of to say.

He stopped circling me and stopped by my side, his breath cold against my temple as he spoke, his face inching close to mine. “You’re sorry? What exactly are you sorry for, Sofia?”

Again, he posed a question I didn’t know how to answer, so I sealed my lips shut, unwilling to dig myself any deeper.

“I’ve been defending you and your crusade to save the humans of The Shade since you got here and how do you repay me?” One of his large hands crept around my waist. His other hand cupped my jaw, his thumb running the length of my lower lip.

I wanted to flinch away from him, but I stood frozen under his touch.

He gently nudged me in position so that I was facing him. He lifted my chin, forcing me to look him in the eye. “Why do you shut me out, Sofia?”

Before I could hold it back, a tear ran down my cheek. I knew he couldn’t understand what I was going through. Neither did I… Or perhaps I did. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. I couldn’t admit to myself that I feared losing him. I feared that going on with my “crusade to save the humans of The Shade” as he so aptly called it meant that I might lose him. I feared how his touch made me ache with so much longing. I feared how much the idea of him being with anyone but me was tearing me apart inside. I feared treasuring him only to have him ripped away from me – something everyone said was inevitable.

I didn’t fear Derek Novak. I feared what loving him could mean for me.

CHAPTER 49: DEREK

The enigma that was Sofia Claremont stood before me, trembling and tearing up at the sight of me. I would’ve given the world to catch a glimpse of what was going through her mind. Was she so disappointed in me that she still couldn’t bear to look at me even after I took her side in her case against Claudia? Was she unaware of all the heat I was under because of that choice?

Her green eyes – moistened with tears – pierced straight through me and I couldn’t help but wonder why she had such an effect on me. Why was I willing to turn my entire world upside down on her behalf? And why didn’t any of it seem to be enough for her?

What I would give to have you look at me the way you used to… My hand on her waist tightened and I could feel her body tense even more. “Why do you resist my touch?”

It was another question that she refused to answer. It felt as if she was slipping away from my fingers, and the question once again haunted me. Are you worth it, Sofia?

My confusion gave way to frustration, then to anger over her silence, over her cold treatment of me. My grip on her jaw tightened. The terror that flashed in her eyes fueled my determination to pry answers from her. Before I could think it through, I pulled her body flush against mine and claimed her lips with mine. Forceful. Rough. Adamant. Her tears were hot against my face. They stung.

She didn’t resist, but she didn’t respond either. She just hung limply in my arms, letting me have my way. When I felt the skin of her waist under my palms, my hands managing to creep beneath her blouse, I knew I was treading dangerous ground. I couldn’t trust myself around her.

She gasped when my mouth parted from hers. I set her feet on the floor and stepped away from her, afraid of what I was capable of doing to her. The way her knees buckled beneath her didn’t escape my notice, but I made no motion to help her steady herself. The idea of touching her unnerved me.

This time, I was shaking too, fully aware of how physically powerless she was against me and yet whether she was aware of it or not, she held power over me the likes of which no one else ever did before.

The mere sight of how red her swollen lips were reminded me of the warmth of her blood and the coldness of mine. We had no business being together, yet I couldn’t think of a life apart from her.

Her voice was broken when she finally managed to speak. “What am I to you, Derek?”

My life. The first thought that came to mind at her question was a hard blow that knocked the wind right out of me. I stared at Sofia, taking in her beauty from the small splash of freckles on her cheeks to her slender hourglass form to the length of her legs and then to her soft feet. She was my life and I was about to tell her that, but my silence outgrew her patience and I found her gaining confidence when she stepped toward me.