The boys are so busy that it feels like I barely see them. Even Oscar, having proclaimed me as ‘his’ the other day, is gone most of the time. I get it. Between Pamela, the cops, this new gang, and Victor’s mother, we are in some deep fucking shit.

“I feel useless,” Aaron tells me as we sit on the couch, watching the girls play with their new virtual reality headsets. They cost five hundred bucks a piece, but Aaron ordered them anyway. It was worth it just to see their expressions on Christmas morning. Also, it’s a good way to sneak in a private chat while still spending time together; they can barely hear us.

“Same,” I repeat back, fingers feeling for the wound on my side. It’s not much more than a crusty ridge now, but it’ll be a while before I’m back to my usual self. Even longer for Aaron. At least I get to have my stitches removed before school starts again on Monday. I glance his way and find him watching the girls with a strange expression on his face. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Well,” he starts, exhaling and then reaching the fingers of his good hand up to his hair. He massages his wavy chestnut hair for a minute, and my heart thumps strangely. It’s not fair that his tattooed bicep should ripple while he does it. I bite my lower lip. Being stuck here alone all day with just us and the girls means it’s difficult to find time alone with Aaron. I’m still not ‘supposed’ to fuck anybody, but that doesn’t mean I’ve been perfect. After all, Vic isn’t going to leave his wife alone on a cold night. “The GMP isn’t like the Charter Crew, Bernie. I think we can handle it, but I don’t know for sure.” He sighs again and then turns his beautiful eyes to mine. I can see spring green from here, forest green, gold. I wet my lips. “That’s why I want to send the girls to Oak River.”

I just stare back at him.

“Excuse me?” I ask, my brows raised high. Oak River is the elementary school cousin of Oak Valley Preparatory Academy. It’s expensive as shit, elitist as hell, and full of spoiled rotten little shits who deserve to have their silver spoons shoved down their throats. “Are you kidding me?”

It’s also a boarding school, by the way. Same as the high school where Donald Asher tried to roofie me and have his friends rape my comatose body. I’d rather my sister went to Prescott High, to be honest with you.

Aaron smiles, but it’s a wry one. He knew I would have this reaction.

“It’s safe,” he tells me, but I just give him a look.

“Right. Safe enough that we broke in and you cut Don’s balls off. Sorry if that’s not enough of a reassurance for me.” He lifts his brows as he glances over at the girls. All three of them flailing around as they play some sort of dance game, vibing off of music we can’t hear. But I’m right, and he knows it: Oak River is adjacent to Oak Valley. The dorms share the same common areas, so older siblings can look out for their younger ones, or so I’ve heard via the gossip circuit.

“True. Which is why Oak Valley quadrupled their security. They have live monitoring of all their cameras, and private militia with guns.” Aaron gives me another look, like he’s already apologizing for what he’s about to say next. “I brought this up to Vic, and he likes the idea.”

I just stare back at Aaron like he’s lost his damn mind.

“You’re kidding me, right? These are not Vic’s sisters; they’re ours. He doesn’t get to choose where they go.” Aaron looks at me sadly for a moment, and I groan. Family, right. He sort of does get a say in this, doesn’t he?

“I’m not saying we have to make a decision now,” he continues, reaching out to take my hand with his good one. As I stare back at him, it finally hits me: if Aaron hadn’t saved himself, would I be dead? How close were the other boys? Did they let Aaron have that moment? It seemed like they were just minutes behind him, but was that minutes too late?

“Would I have died?” I ask as he blinks at me, and then turns away. When Aaron withdraws his hand from mine and slides it over his face, I feel like I already have my answer. “Did Kali almost best us?”

“No,” Aaron says with a small shake of his head, glancing back at me with his beautiful mouth pursed slightly. “You did.”

We just stare at each other for a moment as those words sink in.

But he’s right, isn’t he?

It isn’t Havoc that’s fucking up: it’s me.

And I’m supposed to be the queen.

I stand up from the couch and Aaron lets me go, taking over babysitting duty so I can step outside to have a cigarette.

“I can’t believe we have to go back to school in a few days,” a dark voice says from above me. I pause and step out onto the lawn, turning around to find Callum on the roof. He’s sitting on the edge, legs hanging over the side. He’s got a cigarette in his hand, and he smiles at me as I raise a brow in his direction. I have no idea how he got up there; he hasn’t been home all day. Neither Aaron nor I saw him come into the house. “That’s why I’m chain-smoking,” he explains, lifting up a nearly full ashtray in explanation. “Because I hate math.”

“That’s why, huh?” I ask, and he nods, putting out his cigarette and then leaping down from the fucking roof like it’s nothing. Cal lands in a crouch on the grass and then stands up in a stretch, lifting his arms above his head. His hoodie lifts up just enough that I can see a bit of his flat tummy. My own belly stirs with desire, and I place a palm over it. “I’m smoking because it just occurred to me that if Aaron hadn’t saved his own life, I might be dead.”

Callum just stares at me for a moment and then tucks his hands into his hoodie pocket.

“Mm,” he says, walking in a circle around me for a moment. “No, I don’t think so. I had a clear shot.” Cal pauses next to me, looking down at me with those beautiful blue eyes of his. He isn’t smiling anymore. “But it was close. Too close, Bernie.”

“Aaron says it wasn’t Kali who almost got one-up on us,” I start, choking on the words. For the first time ever, it’s occurred to me that maybe I don’t belong here. Maybe, as Oscar keeps saying, I’m the crack in the perfection that is Havoc. “It was me.”

Cal considers this a moment, reaching over to steal my cigarette. He takes a drag while he thinks about my words.

“You should follow Vic’s orders,” he concedes after several minutes of silence. That’s an interesting thing to note, how long Callum actually thinks before he speaks. That’s a rare fucking trait right there. “And you should really stop punishing yourself.” He hands what’s left of the cigarette back as I try to blink away Kali’s image, standing in the corner of the yard and sneering at me. That’s what she is, a punishment. A dark gift to myself.

“You have dirt under your nails,” I say instead. It’d be almost impossible for anyone else to notice; nobody gets this close to Cal in public. Besides, they’re painted blue, as always. But I can see it, with him standing just inches away from me.

“So I do,” he remarks, checking his fingernails and then lifting his eyes to mine. “Sorry, I spent the afternoon digging.”

“For Oscar’s informant?” I ask, because I didn’t miss the single speck of blood on the white of Oscar’s button-down last night. He most definitely killed somebody yesterday. And yet, when faced with one of my worst enemies, I hesitated.