“He’ll get over it,” Callum says, but I notice that Vic isn’t the only one who’s irritated with him. Aaron looks pissed, too.

“I knew this was a bad idea,” Oscar murmurs, but I can’t decide if he’s talking about Brittany … or me.

No, he’s definitely talking about me.

Seeing how easily I can fracture these boys from within, I’m not sure that he’s entirely wrong about that.

The rest of the week goes by fairly quickly, but that doesn’t mean it’s peaceable or pleasant. I’ve got Principal Vaughn breathing down my neck, the Thing on the offensive, and a whole basket of trouble to unravel with the boys.

Also, Kali doesn’t come back to school after our incident on Monday. Not once. That doesn’t bode well for me. She’s like a black widow, crouching in her web, waiting for the right time to strike.

By Friday afternoon, I’m actually looking forward to our usual weekend sleepover.

After class lets out, I meet Aaron out front for a ride. Now that Hael's on Brittany duty—fucking Brittany—I've been getting rides home with my ex. We've barely spoken to each other since I ground myself into an orgasm on his lap, but it's not the sex that makes things awkward—okay, maybe a little—but mostly, it’s the feelings.

All the fucking feelings.

“You don't have to stay at Pamela’s anymore if you don't want to,” Aaron tells me, driving the minivan like a grandma through the school zone. I appreciate it, dare I say find it cute, when he does that next to an elementary school or something, but let's be honest: the world would probably be better off if he ran down a few Prescott High kids on the way.

“I know,” I say, because the implication was always there. If I want to stay at Aaron's house with Heather, I can. Knowing I have a safe space to retreat to makes the stress-filled nights at home much more bearable. “But at least for now, Pamela still owns my ass. Heather's, too. I can't poke the bear until I'm ready to weather the bite.”

Aaron doesn't say anything, keeping his green-gold gaze focused out the front window.

I shift in my seat, fully aware that we've got a ton of unspoken bullshit brewing between us.

“About the other day,” I start, but he just shakes his head.

“We don't have to talk about that,” he says, but how can we not? How can we keep going if he's going to play hot and cold faucet on me? Sometimes scalding, sometimes freezing. I can't deal with that crap.

“Yes, we fucking do,” I snap, leaning back and putting my boot up on the dash. I don't look at Aaron, focusing instead on the white and black stripes of my shoelaces. “You told me you hadn't had a girl since me.”

He clenches his teeth, like this is a sore subject for him. Can't say I blame him. It makes him sound … vulnerable. Desperate, even. Half of me is a little freaked out that he's managed to abstain from sex for so long while the rest of me is terrifyingly excited. Aaron is still mine. He's always been mine. If I wanted him, I could have him, couldn't I?

“I slept with two guys between you and Vic,” I tell him, thinking about those one-night encounters. They were fine, adequate. I mean, I managed to get myself off, but I wouldn't write home about them. “One guy was a Fuller High basketball player. The other was an Oak Valley Prep student—not Donald though.”

Aaron raises a brow at me, turning slightly to give me a questioning look.

“Really?” he asks, like he's having a hard time imagining it. I shrug my shoulders.

“The first guy's name … I can't remember to be honest with you. The second one, pretty sure his name was David, but I could be wrong.” I muse over that for a moment, trying to get back into the headspace I was in when I slept with two strangers. Life has given me plenty of reasons to self-medicate, to turn to drugs, or alcohol, or even sex to numb the pain, but that's never been my forte. I don't internalize my pain, not anymore. No, the reason I hired Havoc was to externalize it. I don't want to punish myself over the bad things that've happened in my life. Instead, I want to punish the world.

“Why them?” he asks, and I just shrug, my leather jacket creaking. It's pink and cracked in places, but it's been through a lot, seen so much, and yet it still shines. I look fucking fly in it, I won't lie. Besides, it reminds me of Penelope.

“Because they were hot and available,” I respond honestly. “I didn't sleep with them to forget you or anything else honestly. I'm a woman with needs, and that's it.” I pause, thinking about it for a minute. “But they only satisfied me physically, that's it.”

“You mean, not emotionally like Vic or Hael?” Aaron asks, his voice acidic. I chuckle, but I still won't look at him. Trapped in this car with Aaron, with all our baggage spilled around us in a gigantic mess, I feel like that girl who shook as she stripped her clothes off for the first time, who was afraid to take the plunge into sex, but who did it anyway because she was so in love. Aaron never pushed me, but I wanted to be as close to him as I possibly could. I got there, and then I was punished for it. When he pushed me aside, it hurt twice as bad as it could've if we'd never slept together.

“I wouldn't call Hael an emotional outlet,” I say with a smile. Then again, knowing he's out with Brittany right now fills me with an impossible fury. But I've got enough going on that I don't need to dig into that. “Vic …” What the hell do I say about Vic? Even I don't fully understand what he means to me, what he does to me. “Dude, you need to tell me what the hell is going on between you and Vic. I can taste your loathing like ash on my tongue.” I make a clicking noise and a dramatic exploding gesture with my fingers.

“It's complicated,” Aaron says, getting in line with all the soccer moms and stay-at-home dads to pick up his sisters. He even does it the right way while several parents struggle with the parking arrangement and end up driving the wrong way around the traffic circle, fucking up the flow of parent pickup time. Aaron kills the engine and sits back to wait for his sister and cousin. “I owe Victor everything, but at the same time, he took everything I had. So, I guess we're just even and floating in limbo.”

“By take everything …” I start as Aaron turns away, staring out the window at passing traffic. It gets crazy over here at this time of day. By evening, it's one of the quietest, most pleasant streets in town. If I had the choice, I would send Heather to this school, instead of the one on the opposite end of town.

“I mean you,” Aaron says, turning back to me with a deep frown etched onto his face. “He took you from me, in exchange for helping me with my sisters, that's what.” I just stare at Aaron, willing him to keep going, to shatter a mystery I've pondered over for years. “I called Havoc before there even was a Havoc,” he tells me, his tone acerbic and biting. “Part of my price for joining them was to give you up.”

“See, that's the part I don't understand,” I snap, sitting up, already shaking with the rush of emotion. I need to approach this conversation in a different way than I have before, because that's never gotten me anywhere. But I need to understand this. If I don't, I'm afraid I'll always be stuck in this rut, running over the same problems again and again. To truly and utterly become a part of Havoc, I need Aaron to be honest with me. “Why would they care if you were dating me or not?”