Jake walks in, “You need some help?”

I nod. Leo bares his teeth instantly. Jake gives him a look, “I need to put you on this table and you can bite me if you want to, but you’re going up there.”

Leo snarls but Jake ignores it. He reaches around and grabs him. He places him on the table, getting nips and snorts from the huge timber wolf. I see a bit of blood on Jake’s arm. He doesn’t even flinch.

Leo lies down on the table, looking uneasy. Star puts her hands up, “This you can handle. I’m not getting bit.”

I stroke his face, “Hey, it’s me and you now.” He yawns and I nod, “Settle in.” I grab some scissors and cut back the tufts of fur. The bullet made a perfect hole through his leg. It missed the bone completely. I look at Jake, “Wanna pet him?”

He laughs, “Yeah sure. He’s already done his worst.”

I start the cleaning and look at Jake, “I’m sorry.”

He shrugs, “You aren’t ever going to trust me or Will. I get why you don’t trust him, but me, I have never done anything but be your friend.”

I nod, “I know and I’m sorry. I wish I’d asked for help. I had no idea what we were walking into.”

He nods, “There used to be a saying, Dad always said it when me and Will were fighting. There is no ‘I’ in team. You either work as a team to win, or you lose as a group of individuals.”

I sew the wound together. Leo sits, letting Jake pet his face. He doesn’t bite him. He’s as content as he can be. He trusts me again.

Will walks in, “Sarah is sleeping.”

I look up at him, “Thanks.”

He turns and walks out. Jake makes a face, “He might kill you in your sleep.”

I snort, “God, I hope so.” And I do. Because if he doesn’t, the cold hate is going to consume me and I’ll kill everyone until I’ve satisfied it.

I understand why I never let anything in beyond Leo. Things and people end. They don’t take everything with them though; there is always a little bit left over that burns you inside.

We finish with Leo and force medicine down his throat. Jake helps him down, getting bit again. We follow Jake to the living room and slump into the huge chairs. The house is quiet. Anna and Bernie are snuggled into a chair. Star is sitting on the floor next to the TV that doesn’t serve a purpose anymore. Will is on the couch. Jake sits beside him. I sit on the floor and let Leo come rest his head on my lap. Bernie gets up and passes us some of whatever they’re all drinking. I sniff it, smelling things that make my body shudder.

I take a big drink and feel the burn. It feels good, warming me against the cold hate.

I look at the glass and wonder who is going to talk first.

No one does for a long time, but then Jake smiles, “I want to toast to Meg. The first girl who ever told me that I was what she called ‘a long sip of ice-cold water on a hot day’. I asked her when she’d ever had ice-cold water and she replied, never. I just heard Momma say it whenever we saw something as yummy as you roaming the woods. To Meg.”

We all laughed and drank a huge gulp. My head started to spin.

Star held up her glass, “To Meg, thank you for showing me how to cook deer properly, since I couldn’t do it, even if the damned deer got up and told me how.”

I laughed harder and took back another big gulp.

Anna whispered into Bernie’s ear. He held up his glass, “This is from Anna. To Meg, the girl who told me to tell Emma to stick it up her kazoo, when I told her she wouldn’t let me and Bernie date.”

I laughed and nodded. Kazoo was a weird word I swore she made up. I imagined she made up most of what she said.

I held up my glass, “To Meg, my sister. Thank you for showing me how to not take things so seriously.” I drank it back, knowing it wasn’t funny but it was true. She was always chewing a piece of grass and telling me to mind my business about Bernie and Anna. She was always telling me to just love both brothers and let them sort out the details. I drank back the last of my drink.

“How did you meet her?” Bernie asked.

I sniffled, “She saved my life. She saved me from something bad.”

Bernie looks surprised, “She saved you?”

I nod, “We were with the others, in cages. I was about to be… next thing I knew, he was dead and there was little Meg cussing at me to hurry up and run away. She’d stabbed him in the side of his eye with a nail. She was a savage. She didn’t stop talking for days. Momma this, and momma that, and Auntie Heather, and Leo was sort of useless for a pet. He wasn’t as great as her precious hounds.” My eyes gloss over and I finish the drink, “She was one of my first friends, like a little sister.” I glance at Anna. She smiles and winks at me.

Bernie smiles, “She was a genuinely-good person.”

Jake laughs, “She was just crazy enough to be fun, but had more sense in one finger than anyone I’ve ever met.”

I laugh and hold my glass out with the last drink of the liquid, “To Meg.”

I wake the next morning stiff, achy, and hateful. My whole body is an angry mess. I climb from the bed filled with a snuggly eleven-year old and walk to the bathroom. I pull off my clothes and look at myself naked. I'm a mess. Bruises, cuts, stitches, and dried blood.

I sigh and climb into the shower. The hot water is amazing. The soap stings everywhere, but every time I think about the pain, my brain chimes in and thinks, aren’t you lucky to be alive and feeling that pain. The cold hate feels lessened by the people in the house.

I climb out to find Sarah sitting in a corner in the bathroom. I wrap myself with a towel and walk to her. I drop to my knees, “You okay?”

She shakes her head, “I had a bad dream and then I woke up, and Andy was screaming and crying again.”

I hold my hand out to her, “Come on. I think I saw some of those packets of that sauce cook used to make you. I’ll see if Bernie can whip you up some home fries and that sauce. Maybe breakfast will help Andy too. Bernie had potatoes last time I was here.”

She perks up and stands. I pull on clean clothes of Star’s and we go downstairs to try to start our day.

We find only Jake in the kitchen, eating a bar. He smiles at me, “You look pretty.”

I laugh and nod, “You seen Bernie?”

His eyes darken, “He’s in bed still.” I realize what that means and grimace, “Oh.”

He gives me a look, “Trust me, he didn’t have much choice on the matter. He tried to be a gentleman last night after you went to bed.”

I put a hand up, “I don’t need to know.”

He laughs, “Haven’t you ever heard that misery loves company?”

I smile, “I heard that before.”

Sarah smiles brightly, “Me too.”

He smirks, “It’s true.”

I nod toward Sarah, “You want to help me make some breakfast?”

He smiles, “What are we having?”

Chapter Four

Bernie puts gold tacks on the places he knows for sure have camps or towns. It dawns on me, I don’t know anything about the world we live in.

“I didn’t know there were so many.”

He looks up, “There are a lot of survivors, especially in the Midwest. The East Coast was completely destroyed in the tidal waves and hurricanes, but the winters were what got most of the people. The disease was worse there too, with the dense population and all.”

He places a red felt dot on the towns he knows have Lord’s Keepers. “Here and here are the worst I’ve heard of. This place has some but it’s a mix of traders and Keepers.”

I look down, “I’ve seen them lots, always trying to get kids to come with them. I figured they were either perverts or just trying to help the children with no parents.”

He nods, “I’m sure it’s a special mixture.”

I snort and cross my arms, “How will we get to them all?”

Will nods, “Same as we did with the breeder farms.”

I give him a look, “You haven’t been to the towns much, have you?”

He furrows his dark brow, “Not a ton, why?”

I shrug, “There aren’t a lot of medical types who don’t know how to shoot a gun properly. Those people are survivors. They’re more like me and you.”

His stare gets cold, “Then we should fit in famously.”

Bernie looks like he’s thinking, “The thing you’re forgetting though, the townspeople want you to succeed. There’s talk of you and the rebellion.”

I frown, “The flashy crow isn’t going to get us anywhere with those people. Yeah, the ones who had family at the farms sure, but we’d have to free the work farms before any of them would really care. Women aren’t as important as men, not any more.”

Bernie laughs, “Not since we went back to constantly barbecuing in a cave.”

I frown again but Will laughs. Anna gives me a confused look as she leaves the room. Star points at a spot in the middle, “There is a work camp right near there. I bet the majority of that town has family in the camps.”

Bernie nods, still chuckling, “Right, we went there once. I remember that. When do we leave?”

I looked around, “We… is a bad move. We includes Sarah, Anna who can't talk, and Jake who is Jake. Bernie, no offense, but you aren’t exactly badass either.”

He puts a hand in the air, “I’m good with staying. I don’t care what happens out there, never have.”

Star nods, “So me, you, and Will?”

I nod, “And Andy. We need to find him some people to take care of him. We could work that woman-slaver angle if we have to. I’ve seen that.” I wish I hadn’t.

Jake shakes his head, “I’m coming. Leo still isn’t a hundred percent; he’s staying and Anna is never going to let you leave her here.”

Anna walks back in with a drink. I don’t meet her gaze, “I’m sure Bernie can take that.”