This wouldn’t be the last time. And I wasn’t horrified by the idea. Despite the soreness, and even pain that throbbed between my legs, I wanted it again. I allowed myself that moment of realization. The damage was done. I had nothing more to lose.

Growl sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. I jerked into a sitting position as well. Was he already leaving after what we’d done?

Growl peered at me over his shoulder, and now his gaze on my naked skin didn’t make my body hum with delight and triumph. I drew the blankets up over my chest, clinging to the crisp fabric like I’d clung to Growl’s strong arms mere minutes before. I didn’t voice my questions, didn’t want to sound desperate and needy, especially when he was the last person I should need.

For a moment, we both seemed to be frozen, but then I averted my eyes under the power of my own shame, and Growl rose to his feet. From the corner of my eye, I watched him gather his clothes from the ground, but he didn’t bother getting dressed. Instead he walked out and began to close the door but stopped. “There’s something for the pain in the bathroom.” He paused and I wondered if he’d say something else, but he just closed the door. I waited for his steps to fade away before I freed myself of the blankets and quickly slid out of bed. I couldn’t bear being in it now. It was clammy with our sweat, and it smelled of sex. I stared down at the white of the sheets. At the sight of the small pink spot I let out a shaky breath. Betrayal came in so many shapes and forms. Sometimes it was a purposeful act, and sometimes it was something you let happen.

Growl

I took several long swigs of cold water. Even now my body seemed to boil with lust. My orgasm hadn’t diminished my desire for Cara one bit. Not because the sex hadn’t been satisfying, though that was true, too. I’d had stronger orgasms, had had better sex, but whatever had happened between me and Cara had been the most intense thing I’d ever experienced. It didn’t even make sense.

She wasn’t someone who could sate my hunger, and she wasn’t someone I’d have usually chosen to satisfy my desire, and yet right in this fucking second I couldn’t imagine being with any other woman. I wanted Cara, wanted to see if I could draw her out of her shell, make her more forward and demanding. I wanted to release her hunger. She tried to hide it but tonight I’d caught glimpses of it, and I wanted more.

Before Cara, I’d been satisfied with what I had, with the cards I’d been dealt, but she made me want more and that wasn’t exactly safe in this world.

What was she doing to me?

Cara’s door opened and closed. Quietly. She didn’t want me to hear, like so often when she crept through the house. But if my life had taught me anything, it was vigilance. There wasn’t a sound that got past my hearing. Her steps were careful, and then they stopped and another door opened and closed. I took another gulp of water and was about to put it back into the fridge and go to bed, but then the shower sprang to life. She was taking a shower. I never showered right after sex. I liked the smell of it, and the sticky feeling. I liked being reminded of what I’d done. But women always liked things clean, at least women like Cara. The whores I usually dealt with, they showered too, of course, but that was for practical reasons. They couldn’t go walking around stinking of their last john when their next client came along.

I tensed. Another sound disturbed the monotone sloshing of water. Sobbing. I pushed away from the kitchen counter and stalked into the corridor and stopped in front of the bathroom door. The sobbing was a low sound, meant to be drowned out by the shower. It wasn’t meant for me. Cara was crying.

I reached for the door handle, my fingers clutching the cold metal until my bones ached from the pressure. I let go and stepped back. Why was she crying?

Anger surged through me, burning hotter than lust. I turned on my heel and stalked away from the sound of her tears, and I didn’t stop until I was outside on the porch. Both dogs had followed after me and now watched me with curious eyes.

I curled my hands into fists and stared up at the night sky. I’d never found the sight calming or even inspiring. For me it had always looked too vast, too uncertain. Something I couldn’t control or comprehend, not even begin to.

Cara, she, too, was like the night sky. As beautiful, there was no doubt about it.

I could control her, at least physically, but what went on behind that perfect face…that was completely out of my grasp. Her brain worked in ways mine would never be able to. I liked things simple. Uncomplicated. She was anything but. Comprehending her? That was something I would never manage.

My eyes found the door. If I went inside now, would she still be crying? “Fuck,” I growled and kicked the ground. Both Coco and Bandit jumped back and eyed me warily. Anger was something I was familiar with, something I even found consoling. But tonight it didn’t make me feel better. I was angry at her but I couldn’t unleash my fury on her. No, I could, but I didn’t want to. And that made things worse.

She’d enjoyed herself. I’d seen her enjoy herself. Her body had responded to me. She’d moaned, had given herself over to pleasure. And now she was crying.

I was angry at myself, too. I shouldn’t give a shit about her feelings. I’d heard people cry before, had heard them beg and scream in terror. What was one woman crying? Nothing. But it didn’t lessen my anger. I kicked the ground again. Coco hid behind the chairs and Bandit backed even farther away from me.

I got down to my knees and made a soothing noise. My dogs had never been afraid of me. After a moment of hesitation, first Coco and then Bandit came toward me and pressed up to my body. I patted them for a long time, and finally some of the fire beneath my skin faded. That’s why I preferred the company of dogs. They weren’t complicated. They showed you what they were feeling.

I stood and returned into the house. I wouldn’t let anything or anyone drive me out of my own home. Coco and Bandit followed me closely. I closed the terrace door, then listened. The shower wasn’t running anymore. I waited another moment, but it was silent. No sobbing, no nothing. Coco left my side and trotted toward Cara’s door, sniffing before she sat down. I sighed. Coco especially had taken to Cara, but even Bandit, who never liked anyone, seemed to enjoy the woman’s presence.

I strode toward Coco and listened even more closely, but silence reigned behind the door. I grabbed the handle, and before I could stop myself, I pushed it down and opened the door. My eyes found the bed where Cara lay curled up, her legs pressed against her chest. Her face was turned away from me, and if I was being honest with myself, I was thankful for that fact. I didn’t want to see her tearstained face. Her breathing was even, and she hadn’t tensed when light had spilled in. She was truly asleep.

That didn’t make me feel better. The sight shouldn’t have made me feel anything at all.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Cara

I considered staying in my room, but it would have been stupid to do so. I hated myself for what had happened last night, but perhaps I could use it to my advantage. I wanted to get on Growl’s good side, so he would help me and my family. Sleeping with him was perhaps the first step in the right direction, no matter how crazy it sounded.

When I walked into the kitchen, Growl wasn’t there but the door to the yard was ajar. I stepped outside to find Growl sitting on one of the chairs, staring off into space. The dogs were at his feet, sprawled out on their sides, but they briefly glanced my way, their ears twitching. Growl’s eyes turned to me, and my cheeks heated, but I returned his gaze.