Aria joined me a few moments later. “You love him. Why don’t you show him?”

I stiffened. Was it that obvious? “Because he doesn’t love me. He can’t. This thing between us has no future.”

I wasn’t naïve enough to believe that Growl would change. If we stayed in New York and if he was allowed to work for Luca, there was only one job that he could do. He’d become one of Luca’s assassins. Too much had been broken in Growl when he watched his mother die and when he almost bled to death himself. I wanted to mend him, but I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to recover all the broken pieces. Some of them might be lost forever.

“Why? If you love him there’s always a way.”

“He’s…not good.”

Aria laughed softly. “Luca isn’t good either, but I love him with all my heart. You just have to allow yourself to love his good parts.”

I loved his good parts and I loved his ugly parts, loved him more than I should.

He’d stolen my freedom, my life, and somehow along the way, without me realizing it, he’d also stolen my heart.

“He loves you. I don’t know exactly what Luca and Growl talked about when they first met yesterday, but I have a feeling that the only reason Luca trusts Growl is because he realized that Growl loves you. And Luca knows what love can do to a person.” She paused. My mind reeled with the knowledge that Growl had waited a day to reveal himself to me. “Your sister mentioned that your mother doesn’t approve. But don’t let that stop you, if you really love him. My sister Gianna didn’t like Luca very much in the beginning either.”

I nodded to show her I’d listened, but I couldn’t say anything.

Growl

I paced the corridor in front of Cara’s room. I wasn’t sure why I was waiting for her to show up. What was there left to talk about?

The moment she’d left for New York without me, I’d known it meant the end for us. The realization had been like a punch in the gut, the realization that she wouldn’t stay with me, a monster. No one would. She’d seemed to enjoy my company in the end, enjoyed my closeness and my touch, but I didn’t fool myself.

Her affection for me had been born out of necessity. She’d had no choice. She couldn’t get away from me. She had sought my closeness because she was relieved it wasn’t brutality that I showed her. But now everything had changed.

In New York, Cara would be free to do as she pleased. No one was stopping her. I knew enough of Luca to know that the man wouldn’t support me in keeping Cara. And though it had taken a while for me to realize it, I didn’t want to have Cara as a possession. I wanted her to want to be with me. I knew that meant I’d lose her altogether. She’d live her life without me. She’d find a new guy, a nice guy, someone who hadn’t caused her so many nightmares. Maybe Luca already had a husband in mind for her, a Made Man with good standing and upbringing.

It was difficult for me to understand emotions, and that would never change. But her expression made it clear even to me that she didn’t want me. Perhaps she’d pretended to tolerate me for her own sake; because she wanted me to help her revenge her father and kill Falcone. I couldn’t really blame her.

I often wished I’d never had her in the first place because it was easier to live without something you’d never had. I hadn’t known what I was missing, but now it was difficult to give her up.

I had grown used to Cara’s presence. I’d always taken myself for a loner. Had thought I didn’t want other people around me. I’d enjoyed living with only my dogs for company. My life had been mine alone. It had been uneventful and driven by habits, but it had been safe. Now that I’d experienced living with someone, living with Cara, I had a hard time imagining being alone again.

I would get by. I always had. I’d work twice as hard, would put all my energy into making Luca trust and value me. I’d make a name for myself here in New York, and eventually I’d forget about Cara and return to the life I’d had before.

Steps sounded and I looked up. The moment Cara turned the corner, I realized I was fooling myself if I believed I could ever forget her.

Cara

I froze when I spotted Growl in front of my room. Bandit and Coco lay curled up at his feet as if they’d all been waiting for a while.

I approached him slowly, trying to get a grip on my emotions. Coco wagged her tail when I stopped in front of them.

Growl pushed his hands into his pockets, face blank and his body tense as a bowstring. “There’s no reason for you to stay with me. You are free now. Even if I could force you to stay with me, I won’t. You are free to choose your own life.”

The words I’d been longing to hear from the moment Falcone had given me to Growl suddenly stung. “So what is it you’re saying? Would you prefer if I left you?” How could I leave him when we hadn’t been a couple in the first place?

“That’s the last thing I want,” he said fiercely. He pulled his hands out, restless, almost as if he wanted to grab me and shake some sense into me, but he didn’t touch me.

“Then what do you want?” I shot back, growing frustrated. Maybe I should have accepted Growl’s words and left.

Mother would have preferred that, and it would have been the right choice morally. Yet I stayed.

Growl had monstrous parts, and that wouldn’t change. Years of abuse had burned those into him, and if I chose to stay with him, I’d have to live with them. Perhaps in New York, Luca would find better ways to channel Growl’s talents into less horrendous tasks, but I wasn’t fooling myself into believing that killing wouldn’t still be a big part of Growl’s life. That was something I’d have to accept. To stay with someone only because one hoped to change that person was an endeavor that had to fail.

Growl’s eyes flickered with emotions, too many, and more than I’d ever seen in them. “I want,” he began, then stopped and growled. He shook his head and turned his face away so I was left to stare at his profile.

“You once told me I needed to be brave. Who’s a coward now?” I challenged.

Growl whirled on me, grabbed me by the shoulders and pressed me against the wall. “I want you. I want you to stay with me because you want to stay. I want you to want me,” he rasped.

I exhaled. “I do.”

Growl released me. “Do what?”

“Want you. Want to stay with you.”

Growl stared. “I…I think.” He ran a hand down his face. “I’m no good with words. With emotions. You know that.”

“But you could be. Perhaps you just need to try,” I said softly.

His eyes filled with resolve. “Not much scares me anymore,” he rumbled. “But this, between us, it does. My emotions, they scare me.”

“But why?”

“I gave up hoping for something good a long time ago. It made things easier. Nothing could hurt me. Pain was nothing. People’s insults meant nothing. I cared about nothing. There was nothing I had to fear. But when I got you, I suddenly realized what kind of life I’d led. How little everything had meant. I like being with you, talking to you, sharing meals with you, walking Coco and Bandit with you, and even sharing a bed with you. I never thought I could like that kind of thing, never thought I might need something like that, but now…” He trailed off, the uncertainty back. “Now I’m fucking scared to lose all that, to lose you. I never knew I needed you, but now I can’t imagine being without you. I…I love you, Cara.”