My stomach fluttered with butterflies and I took a step in his direction. I wanted to fly into his arms, wanted to kiss him, and so much more.

“Can I sleep with you?” The words shot out, just like that, and once they were out I couldn’t believe I’d said them. Especially since they could easily be taken the wrong way.

Romero froze. Silence stretched out between us. I was sure it would crush me any second. I took another step in his direction. I was almost in arm’s reach now.

The sound of Romero’s breathing was incredibly loud. I could see his chest heaving. Was he angry?

“This isn’t something you should joke about,” he said quietly. “It’s not funny.” He was angry. Maybe I should have taken the hint and turned on my heel to leave his room, but like Gianna I had never been very clever in situations like this.

“I wasn’t joking, and I didn’t mean it like that,” I whispered. “I want to sleep in your bed, just sleep.” For now. I wanted more than that, eventually.

“Liliana,” Romero murmured. “Have you lost your mind? Do you even realize what you’re saying?”

Fury rose up. Everyone always thought I was too young, too naïve, too female to make decisions. “I know exactly what I’m saying.”

“I doubt it.”

I bridged the distance between us until our chests were almost pressed against each other. Romero didn’t back away but he braced himself. “Every night I feel like darkness is swallowing me whole, like my life is spiraling out of control, like there’s nothing good in my life. But when I think of you those feelings disappear. I feel safe when I’m with you.”

“You shouldn’t. I’m not a good man, not by any standards.”

“I don’t care about good. I grew up in this world. I know how things are, and I’m fine with it.”

“You don’t even know half of it. And if you really know how things are, then you should realize what could happen if someone found you in my room at night.”

“I’m tired of hearing what I can’t do. Can’t I decide for myself? It’s my life, so why can’t I make decisions?”

Romero was quiet for a moment before he said, “Of course, it’s your life, but your father has certain expectations of you. And not only that, Luca gave him and Dante Cavallaro his word that he’d take good care of you and keep you safe. That includes your reputation. If someone told them you were in my room right now, that could mean war between the Outfit and New York. This isn’t a game. This is too serious for you to play around.”

“I’m not playing around. I’m so lonely, Romero,” I whispered. “And I like you. I really like you.” That was an understatement. “I only want to be close to you. You kissed me back and I know how you’ve been looking at me. I know you are interested in me.”

He didn’t say anything.

Doubt wormed its way into my brain. Had I been imagining the looks he’d given me? “If you don’t like me, then tell me. It’s okay.” It wasn’t. I’d be crushed, but maybe it would be for the best. I’d move on with my life somehow.

“Fuck,” he murmured, turning away from me and leaving me to stare at his back. “If I was a good guy, I’d tell you exactly that. I’d fucking lie to you for your own good. But I’m not good, Lily.”

Relief flooded me. He hadn’t said he didn’t like me. I’d read the signs right. God, I could have screamed with joy. I rested my palms against his bare shoulder blades. His skin was soft except for a few small scars, but they made him only more desirable to me. They flexed under my touch but he didn’t step away. “So you are interested in me? And you like me?”

Romero let out a harsh laugh. “This is crazy.”

“Just tell me. Do you find me attractive?”

He turned around. I wasn’t quick enough to pull my hands away so they now rested against his chest. That felt even better. I had to stop myself from running my hands up and down his body. Even in the half-dark I could see the fire in his eyes. He scanned me from head to toe. I was only wearing pajama shorts and a tank top, but I wasn’t even embarrassed. I wanted Romero to see me like that, wanted to get a reaction from him.

“Lily, you are stunning. Of course I find you attractive. Look at you, you are too fucking beautiful for words.”

My lips parted. That was more than I’d dared to hope for. I moved even closer and peered up at him. “Then why do you keep pushing me away?”

“Because it’s the right thing to do, and because I know the risks.”

“Isn’t it worth the risk?”

Romero stared down at me with such intensity that I couldn’t help but shiver. He didn’t reply. He gripped my hips and pulled me against him before his lips came down on mine. I opened up without hesitation, eager for that kiss, eager for his closeness. His tongue plunged into my mouth. There was no flicker of hesitation or doubt in his kiss. I moaned. This was so different from our first kiss, more intense. He cupped the back of my head, guiding me the way he wanted it. I could hardly keep up. I stepped on my tiptoes and leaned against him as I gripped onto his shoulders for balance. The kiss consumed me, stirred a fire in my belly and made me long for much more.

Romero jerked away and I tried to follow him but he kept me at arm’s length. His breathing was harsh and there was a wild look in his eyes. “Give me a second,” he rasped.

He squeezed his eyes shut as if he was in pain. All I could think about was to kiss him again, to have his hands on my body. I wanted nothing more. But I did as he asked and gave him a few seconds to get control over himself. Eventually he opened his eyes again. The wild look was gone and was replaced by something more controlled. His grip on my shoulders relaxed and his thumbs lightly stroked my skin. I wasn’t even sure he noticed. The light touch raised goose-bumps of delight all over my skin. I waited for him to say something, but also feared what he would say. One of his hands traveled up to my cheek. “You should leave now,” he said quietly.

I froze. “You’re sending me away?”

Hesitation flickered across his face. “It’s for the best, Lily, believe me.”

I took a step back. I wasn’t going to beg him. If he didn’t want me to spend the night, then I’d have to accept it. “Okay. Good night.” I turned around and hurried out of the room. I hardly paid attention as I crossed the corridor toward my room. I’d put myself out there today, had risked everything to get what I wanted. I wouldn’t do that again. I had a huge crush on Romero but I also still had my pride. If he didn’t want to risk this, then I’d accept it.

I closed the door and crept back into my bed. Like before the darkness closed in on me. It was too silent in my room, too lonely and empty. Even the memory of the kiss Romero and I had shared couldn’t cheer me up. Not when it was probably the last time I’d kissed Romero. It took a long time for me to fall asleep and then Mother’s pale unhappy face haunted my dreams.

***

Romero and I barely looked at each other the next morning. I didn’t seek his closeness like usual. I tried to avoid his eyes as much as possible but a few times I caught him stealing glances my way. I wasn’t sure what they meant, but I was glad that he and I didn’t get to spend time alone together. Of course he was almost always around. It was difficult to avoid your bodyguard, but I did my best to focus entirely on my sisters, to enjoy my time with them.