“Romero?” Lily whispered. I lay down beside her and pulled her into my arms. She didn’t need to know my thoughts. I didn’t want her to worry.

It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep but I lay awake for hours. Eventually I slipped out of bed and walked toward the window. I stayed out toward the ocean for a long time. Regret wasn’t a useful emotion. You couldn’t undo the past. I turned back to the bed.

Lily lay curled up under the blanket, only her beautiful hair and peaceful face peeking out. She was deep asleep. I needed to wake her soon, so she could return to her own room. The sky outside the window was already starting to turn grey. Soon people would get up and it would be too risky if Lily was still in my room then. I should have sent her away immediately afterward for her own safety, but I didn’t have the heart to do it, and I didn’t want to see her go either so soon after what we’d done.

“Fuck,” I muttered. So far everything Lily and I had done had been risky but untraceable. But this, this could destroy Lily’s reputation and even start a war. Taking Lily’s virginity was a selfish thing to do. I knew better. I’d learned to make reasonable decisions over the years, to make decisions that were good for the Famiglia. But today I’d ignored my duty and my promise to Luca.

Lily sighed in her sleep and turned around. The blankets moved with her and the pink spot on the sheets became visible. I closed my eyes. Fuck. This was supposed to happen in her wedding night. But I knew that Rocco Scuderi would never give Lily’s hand to me in marriage. I was only a fucking soldier. Respected and honorable, but a soldier nevertheless. Despite my guilt over having taken Lily’s virginity, I knew I would do it again. I’d wanted to make her mine for so long, and this was the only way I could. At least now a part of her belonged to me, at least she’d never forget our night together, but I also knew it wasn’t enough. I didn’t want Lily to have only the memory of our shared night for the rest of her days, I wanted to remind her of the pleasure I could give her every night, I wanted to taste her, smell her, feel her every fucking night. I wanted to have her fall asleep in my arms and wake up next to me in the morning. I wanted to make her mine for everyone to know, but there was no way in hell I could do this without betraying Luca and the Famiglia. Luca treated me like a brother but if I did this, if I went against the Outfit by claiming Lily officially, he’d have to put me down like a rabid dog for the good of the Famiglia.

With a sigh, I walked toward the bed and bent over Lily. I brushed her hair away from her face. “Lily, you need to wake up,” I whispered.

Her eyelids fluttered and she turned on her back. The blankets slipped away, revealing her perfect breasts. Her nipples puckered at the cool air in the room. My cock stirred in response. I leaned over her. She even still smelled like me. Fuck. I was already getting hard again. She opened her eyes and gave me a sleepy smile. Happiness and trust shone on her face. Didn’t she realize that I’d destroyed her life last night?

A light blush appeared on her cheeks. I kissed her forehead. “You need to leave,” I said.

She froze, eyes filling with insecurity. “Did I do something wrong last night?”

Good Lord. I wanted to stab myself with my fucking knife. I was such an asshole. I should have never let it come this. Lily was a good girl and I’d ruined her. I kissed the spot below her ear, then her cheek. “No, you did nothing wrong, honey.”

She relaxed. She lifted her hand to the back of my head, looking hopeful. “Can we snuggle a bit?”

She sounded fucking vulnerable. Of course she wanted closeness after last night, and I wanted it too, but it was getting light outside. But the way she was looking at me I couldn’t tell her ‘no’. I slipped under the blankets and she pressed up against me. Her naked skin brushed mine, and all of my senses sprang to life. I pushed my lust down. This wasn’t the time. I stroked her hair. “Are you okay?”

She nodded against my shoulder. “I’m a bit sore.” She sounded embarrassed.

I pressed a kiss against her temple. And I wasn’t sure why I said it because it definitely didn’t make things easier but it slipped out, “I love you.”

She sucked in breath before whispering, “I love you too.”

I was digging my grave and hers too, only because I couldn’t control my dick, my heart and my mouth.

She let out a small happy breath. She didn’t seem to realize in how much trouble we were. I couldn’t stop feeling guilty. I wished I could say I would have acted differently if I got the chance, but I knew I’d sleep with her again. I’d wanted her, still wanted her.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Liliana

I couldn’t believe Romero and I had actually slept together. I didn’t feel regret. Maybe it would come at some point but I couldn’t imagine it.

It had been painful and yet it was the happiest moment in my life so far. And afterwards when Romero had admitted he loved me, I’d wanted to tell everyone about it. Let them get angry, let them call me names, what did I care? I was happy, and that was all that mattered. But I knew better. Romero and I needed to keep it a secret. Maybe one day we’d figure out a way to make it official without causing a war, but right now I only wanted to enjoy our time together. The summer was drawing to a close but Father didn’t seem to want me back. Maybe he’d forget I existed and I could move to New York for good.

The first time I’d faced Aria and Gianna after losing my virginity, I’d worried they’d see something was different, but of course they hadn’t. Nobody suspected anything.

Maybe that realization was why I got more daring.

It was almost noon and I could hardly keep my eyes open. Romero and I had made love until the early morning hours, and once I’d been back in my room I’d only managed two hours of sleep before I had to get up for breakfast again.

“Why don’t you rest on the sofa for a while? You look tired,” Aria said when I yawned again. We’d been rifling through a brochure that detailed events in the Hamptons for something to do in the next few days. Sunbathing and swimming were getting old.

Gianna wiggled her eyebrows behind Aria’s back. “She does. She doesn’t seem to get enough sleep at night.”

Romero glanced over from where he stood with Luca and Matteo, but he didn’t seem worried. I decided to ignore Gianna’s comment. I stood from the table. “You’re probably right, Aria. I’ll lie down for a bit.”

Aria set the brochure aside and peered down at her watch before she looked over to Luca. “If we want to head out for lunch, we should leave soon.”

Luca nodded.

I walked toward the sofa, stretched out and closed my eyes. I almost immediately drifted off into a light slumber, only interrupted by the sound of Aria and Luca leaving, followed a few minutes later by Gianna’s and Matteo’s laughter as they headed for the beach. In the following silence, I felt my mind drift off again.

“I’m wearing you out,” Romero said from close-by.

I opened my eyes to find him standing over me with a smirk. Slowly my own lips curled into a grin and my sleepiness began to disappear. I hooked my leg behind his knee in an attempt to make him fall forward and preferably land on top of me, but Romero was too strong. After a quick glance toward the terrace door he leaned down, though, and gave me a kiss. When he was about to pull back again, I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist.