My feet felt like lead as I walked toward the altar. Benito waited for me at the end of it, a proud grin on his face, as if he could finally present his catch to everyone. Despite the risk, my eyes searched the crowd until they settled on Romero. He leaned against the wall on the right, an unreadable expression on his face. I tried to catch his gaze, even though it would have made this walk even harder but Romero didn’t even glance my way. He was completely focused on Aria, playing the part as her bodyguard.

I returned my attention to the front, hoping no one had noticed the detour my gaze had taken.

In the spot where my mother should have been was Maria, hunched shoulders, pale skin, sad eyes; maybe she thought nobody was looking because this was the first time she hadn’t put on a brave face. This was a taste of what I would look like soon enough. I peered up at Father. He on the other hand seemed rejuvenated, as if the marriage to a barely twenty-year old had allowed him to drop a few of his own years. Didn’t he miss Mother at all? She should have been at his side for my wedding. My eyes sought Romero again. I couldn’t seem to stop. And Romero should have been the one waiting at the altar for me. We reached the end of the aisle and Father handed me over to Benito. Old-man fingers curled around my hand, sweaty and too firm. Father lifted my veil and for a moment I was worried my disgust and unhappiness were plain as day but from the look on Benito’s face, he didn’t seem to notice or care. I didn’t listen to the priest as he started his sermon. It took everything I had to stop myself from peering over my shoulder, seeking out Romero one more time.

While the priest and the gathered guests waited for my ‘I do’, I considered saying ‘no’ for a brief moment. This was my last chance, the last exit before I was forever stuck on a highway to unhappiness, or at least until I figured out a way to get rid of my husband. Was I even capable of something like that? I couldn’t even smash a fly when it bothered me.

Just say ‘no’. I wondered how people would react if I refused to marry Benito?

Benito would be furious, and so would Father. But my sisters and Romero, they would understand, would probably fight everyone else to protect me. Benito cleared his throat beside me and I realized how long I’d been saying nothing. I quickly said what everyone expected even when the words tasted like acid. “Yes, I do.”

“You may kiss the bride.”

Benito grasped my waist. I stiffened but I didn’t push him away. His rough lips pressed against mine. I could taste cigars. I pulled my head away and turned to our guests with a forced smile. Benito shot me a disapproving look but I ignored him. If he knew how much restraint it had taken not to shove him away, he wouldn’t be mad at me for ending our kiss a bit too soon.

Taking my hand, he steered me down the aisle. My eyes darted toward Romero but he was gone. I searched the entire church, not finding him. He probably hated me now that he’d seen me kiss Benito and didn’t want anything to do with me. Would I ever see him again?

Romero

I should have never come to Chicago. Watching Lily stride down the aisle toward Benito, I felt like someone was squashing my heart under a boot. I wanted nothing more than to stick my knife into Benito’s eye very slowly, see the light leave him, hear his last labored breath. I wanted to skin him alive, wanted to give him more pain than any man had ever endured.

I forced my eyes away from Lily and focused on Aria as I was supposed to do. She looked back at me and gave me an understanding smile. I didn’t react. I shut off my emotions like I’d learned to do in the first few years after my initiation when seeing people get killed or tortured still bothered me.

“You may kiss the bride.”

My eyes shot toward the front of the church where Benito fucking Brasci had put his hands on Lily’s waist and was practically dragging her toward his body. I saw red. I wanted to kill him. I pushed away from the wall, turned around and walked out of the church. I didn’t run like I wanted. I moved slowly, as if nothing was wrong. Fuck, what a fucking lie. Everything was wrong. The woman that was supposed to be mine had just married some old bastard.

I headed straight toward our rental car. I’d wait there until it was time to drive to Brasci’s mansion for the feast.

***

Luca hardly left my fucking side at the wedding party. He probably worried I was going to lose my shit on everyone. He wasn’t wrong. Every time I glanced toward Lily and Benito, something snapped in my brain. I couldn’t stop imagining pulling my gun and putting a bullet in Benito’s head, and then one in Scuderi’s head for good measure. If I was lucky, they wouldn’t stop me quick enough.

Aria came toward me after dinner. I wasn’t sure if I could take her pity, but I wasn’t going to send her away. She was only trying to be kind. “You don’t have to stay, you know? Luca is here for my protection. This must be hard for you. Why don’t you go ahead and find yourself a hotel? I’m sure you don’t want to spend the night under the same roof with Benito.”

Tonight. So far I’d managed not to think about the wedding night too much. “No. I’m fine. I can handle this.”

Aria hesitated as if she wanted to say more but then she headed back to Luca.

When the party drew to an end, I could feel myself getting more and more agitated. And then what I’d been dreading happened. Benito and Lily rose from their chairs to head to the master bedroom for their first night together. A crowd followed them, cheering and making suggestions of what should happen tonight. My pulse quickened and my fingers longed to reach beneath my vest.

I trailed after them, though I knew it was the last thing I should do. I had always prided myself on my control but I could feel it trickling through my fingers.

I knew I’d said to Lily that I would accept her marriage. She had told me she didn’t want me. As a soldier of the New York Famiglia it was my duty to put them first. Wanting Lily could mean war. No, it would lead to fucking war. Dante Cavallaro was a calculating man but his soldiers had been waiting for a chance to tear into us again. I’d seen it in many of their eyes today. Things between us had gone steeply downhill in the past few years. The honeymoon phase of our union had waned off quickly after Luca’s and Aria’s wedding, and now this was a marriage of convenience, a marriage both the Famiglia and the Outfit wanted out of. The smallest infraction would be enough to blow up everything.

Without realizing it I’d followed the other guests into the lobby. I spotted Lily’s dark blond locks at the top of the steps, next to Benito’s bald head, and a crowd of other men around them. And then my feet started moving, my hand going for my gun, my temples pounding with anger. I had to push through the crowd, and ignored the mumbles of protest. I couldn’t let that fucker Benito have her. Lily was mine, and would always be mine. If that meant a fucking war, then so be it. I’d spend until the end of my days hunting Russians, and Taiwanese and Outfit bastards if that meant I could keep her.

I sped up and then Luca was suddenly in front of me. I ground to a halt, breathing hard. I had half a mind to punch him, but I fought the urge. If I made a scene surrounded by so many people, I could screw up everything. Luca grabbed me by the shoulder and steered me into an empty corridor. He pushed me against the wall, making my ears ring, then he released me.

“Goddammit!” He snarled and gripped my shoulder again. “She’s not yours. She’s a married woman now.”