Luca spared me the barest glance. “It’s for the best, believe me.”

Annoyance zipped through me. Luca had always tried to dictate my life – look out for me as he called it – and it had only gotten worse since he was also my Capo. “I can handle Gianna. I’m not a pussy, Luca. I won’t break down and cry because my wife wants to run as far away from me as possible.”

“I know.” He stuffed his phone back into his jacket. Of course I knew he’d already told Aria everything she needed to know.

We arrived at Luca’s car. He opened the door for me. “Don’t think I’ll put out just because you’re being a gentleman,” I told him as I half fell into the seat. I hoped Luca thought I had done it on purpose and not because my legs had gone on strike.

“Don’t worry. Your backdoor is safe.” Luca shut the door in my face before he rounded the car and slipped behind the steering wheel. He started the car and slid out of the parking lot. “Do you want me to organize someone who can distract you? Maybe not today because of your head. But in the next couple of days.”

I snorted out a laugh. “You mean a hooker?”

Luca gave a one-shoulder shrug, not taking his eyes off the street. He had his poker face on and it annoyed the crap out of me, because I wasn’t sure if this was a test or if he was being serious. A few years ago, I’d have said he was dead serious. Luca had never had trouble moving from woman to the next, but that had been before Aria.

“First of all, I might have a concussion but I’m not dead, and that means I don’t need a pity fuck. If I want a woman, I can find one myself and don’t need to pay someone.”

“You haven’t seen yourself in the mirror yet.”

I checked my reflection in the rearview mirror. “Okay. Maybe I’d have more trouble than usual.” I had two black eyes, both of them swollen and bloodshot, and there was a bluish lump below my hairline. Not to mention that my hair was a matted mess.

“You’ll scare the shit out of every woman you’ll approach.”

“So what? It always worked for you.”

Luca chuckled. “So is that a no?”

“A big fat one. I don’t want to fuck anyone but…” Realizing the fucking trap I’d just walked in I snapped my mouth shut. Damn it.

“You’re not going to give her up, are you?” Luca said in a resigned tone.

“No.”

“I swore on my honor to grant her freedom but I can break my promise if that’s what you want. It’s not like I haven’t done worse before.”

“No. I don’t want you to break your oath. And it would only make her hate me more. You can’t force Gianna to do anything. She needs to come back to me freely. That’s the only way.”

Luca shook his head. “Matteo, even you must realize how futile it is to hope for that. She’ll run and never come back. Are you willing to risk that?”

“Yes.”

“Then you’re a better man than I am. I would never let Aria go.”

I glared out of the window. It sounded easy: letting her go, giving her the chance to find her way back to me, but I wasn’t sure I could go through with it. I wasn’t better than Luca. But I was a hunter and sometimes a chase was useless, sometimes you had to wait for the prey to come to you. I wasn’t a patient hunter, but this time I would try.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Gianna

Aria kept throwing glances my way, her pale brows drawn together in concern. “Are you sure you don’t need to see the doc?”

“I’m fine, really,” I snapped, then felt bad for it. Aria was always on my side. She’d done so much for me in the last year, even gone against Luca. “Sorry. I’m exhausted.” The smell of smoke and blood lingered in my nose, a vivid echo of the earlier events.

“It’s okay. You’ve gone through a lot,” Aria said gently.

My thoughts drifted back to Matteo. I hoped he’d be fine. He was tough, but he’d lost a lot of blood. Maybe I should have let Aria drive me to the hospital to make sure he was alright. I wanted to be with him, wanted to be there when he woke and hold his hand while he was unconscious. I wanted to tell him that I was tired of the games, tired of pretending that I didn’t care for him, when I’d already lost my heart to him. It was futile trying to lie to myself. I knew I’d come to love Matteo, even his arrogance and shark-smile. He was still a bad man, a murderer and criminal, but I knew now that I wasn’t much better. I had no doubt that I would have been like Matteo if I’d been raised like him and not sheltered from life like all the women in our world. It was an ugly truth, one I’d prefer to deny, but it was the truth, and it was time to admit it and own up to the life I was obviously meant to live. The words lay on the tip of my tongue.

“You can take a quick shower, and then I’ll help you pack everything.”

“Oh, sure,” I said distractedly. Pride had always been my problem, even now when I knew it was only hurting me, and Matteo.

Aria glanced my way. “Luca will keep his word. You don’t have to worry. He’s never broken his promise. And he knows I’d never forgive him if he’d lied. You’ll be free.”

Free? What was freedom worth if it meant ignoring what my heart wanted? “I know.”

“You don’t look happy.”

I wasn’t happy. But why? For months I’d wished for nothing more than to figure out a way out of this marriage, out of this life, out of this world, and now that I finally got my wish, I didn’t feel anything. How could I have been lying to myself for so long? And why couldn’t I admit it, especially not to the outside world? Why did it feel as if admitting I loved Matteo was the ultimate defeat? “I’m still recovering from the crash. That’s all,” I said on autopilot. I wondered how long that lie would work.

Aria didn’t look convinced but she didn’t push the matter. I leaned my head against the window and closed my eyes, not in the mood for conversation. I needed to sort through my emotions as soon as possible, but the splitting headache definitely wasn’t making it an easy feat.

I must have dozed off because suddenly Aria was nudging me awake and we were parked in the underground garage. She gave me an encouraging smile, and for some reason it made me feel horrible. I quickly scrambled out of the car, unable to meet Aria’s compassionate gaze. I rushed toward the elevator, a few times almost tripping over my feet. Aria caught up with me and called the elevator down with a press of the button. “What’s the rush? You don’t have to worry that Matteo will come home while we’re still packing. They’ll probably keep him in the hospital overnight. He looked really bad.”

I leaned against the cool wall of the elevator. Did Aria really think that would cheer me up? Was I such a horrible bitch that people thought I’d be happy that someone was seriously injured?

Of course they did. Luca had thought he had to offer me a ticket to freedom so I didn’t let his brother die. I was nothing but a heartless, selfish bitch in his mind. And judging from Aria’s words, she agreed with him.

My throat corded up. Maybe they were right. “I’m not worried,” I said calmly. It was easier to play the part they all expected me to play.