I was still standing guard when Wanda came back from shopping. She didn't see me as she walked past with two really big bags full of stuff. "Whoooooo, " I said in my best spooky voice. "Whoooooo . . . " "Argh!" she squeaked. "Don't do that, Araminta!" "Whoooooo . . . What have you got in those baaaaaaags?" I said, flapping my arms like Edmund sometimes does.

    "Nothing, " said Wanda, which was obvi ously a lie. A big lie. Then she tried to change the subject. "Anyway, what are you doing there?" "I am on guard, " I told her. "Why?" I was about to tell her that I was stopping our best ghost from leaving forever when a huge crash came from the basement. Wanda rushed off and I followed. I figured Sir Horace would be safe because at least now I knew where Ned and Jed were. They were in the first-kitchen-on the-right-just-before-the-laundry-room. The first-kitchen-on-the-right-just-before-the laundry-room is where Aunt Tabby keeps stacks of plates--but not anymore.

    Just as we got there the door flew open with a bang and a stream of plates came flying out and hit the wall opposite. Smash, smash, smash, smash, smash, smash, smash, smash! Wanda screamed and dropped the shop ping bags and I am sure that I heard the crunch of cheese and onion chips getting squashed. I can hear the sound of squashed cheese and onion chips from miles away. We took cover until the plates had stopped, then we peered around the door. Yes, you guessed it--Ned and Jed were sitting at the kitchen table, grinning, in the middle of a sea of broken plates. I added the plates to the Things that Aunt Tabby Will Not Like When She Comes Home list. "Hello, little girls, " they said. of -118

    A couple plates zoomed out and hovered above our heads like flying saucers. "Don't you dare!" I told them. Very slowly, the plates flew back into the kitchen and settled down onto the last teeter ing stack. "Why don't you go and haunt somewhere else?" said Wanda, furious. "Why should we? We like it here, " said Jed--or was it Ned? "In fact we like it here so much that we have decided to stay, " said Ned--or was it Jed? "Well, in that case, you can stay in here, " I said and I slammed the door with a bang. Inside the room there was a massive crash. "Oops, " said Wanda. "That's the rest of the plates. " "Well, at least those two ghosts didn't have the fun of smashing them, " I said, then I locked the door and left the key in the lock.

    "They can stay in there now, " I told Wanda. "Good riddance. " "But they are ghosts, Araminta, " said Wanda. "Ghosts can go through doors. " "They wouldn't dare, " I said.

    Wanda had done some weird shopping. She had bought lots of gummy bears, three tins of baked beans, some cheese, a packet of Choco- Drop Krackles, and a whole ton of bananas. There were only two teeny bags of cheese and onion chips plus a whole bunch of stuff that for some reason I was not allowed to see, which was very annoying. When I asked Wanda why I couldn't see it she said that Mathilda had told her that I mustn't.

    Suddenly it seemed that now Wanda was Mathilda's best, best friend. Huh. Wanda cooked lunch. We had sliced bananas and baked beans, which Wanda mixed up in a saucepan. It was quite nice, really. Wanda stirred some gummy bears into hers and sprinkled cheese on top. I had mine with two bags of squashed cheese and onion chips and some Choco-Drop Krackles sprinkled on top. When we had finished I felt a bit sick, and Wanda said she did too, so we decided to go upstairs and read for a while. We crept by the first-kitchen-on-the-right-just-before-the laundry-room. The door was still closed, which was good, but Wanda pointed out that it didn't mean that Ned and Jed were still in there. And because Wanda is Miss Nosy Bucket, she tried the door--it was unlocked.

    But Ned and Jed were still there--and Mathilda was there too. "Oops, sorry, " said Wanda. "Wanda, I asked you to keep Araminta out of the way.

    "Sorry, Mathilda. I didn't know you were in there, " said Wanda. "Why is Wanda trying to keep me out of the way?" I asked. "That's not fair. "

    "Of course it's fair, " said Mathilda, who I noticed was busy trying to hide a whole flock of shopping bags. "Now go away, " she said, and slammed the door. Well! I was not happy. Not one bit. You would think with my birthday coming up the next day my cousin and my so-called friend Wanda Wizzard would try to be a bit nicer. I spent the rest of the day in our Wednesday bedroom feeling sick, and if any one had mentioned bananas and baked beans I probably would have been sick. But Wanda didn't care; she disappeared to do secret stuff with Mathilda. Some friend. Every now and then I looked at the ring that Sir Horace had given me and polished it a bit. I was glad that Wanda did not know I had it.

    If she was going to keep secrets with Mathilda, then I would keep my ring secret, so there. And even if I didn't get any other birth day presents--which I was pretty sure I wouldn't, considering how horrible Wanda and Mathilda were being--I didn't mind. Sir Horace's ring was special. Really special.