Honestly, I don’t know.

14

Nox

I shouldn’t have shagged Lucy, but I don’t regret a moment of it. I remember what it felt like sinking into her heat, the little moans of pleasure that fell from her lips. That woman does things to me that I can’t explain, makes me feel shit I’ve never felt. She makes my heart pound and my stomach flip, she makes my world right.

I sound like a pussy, but I don’t care. If I’m being honest with myself, I’d admit I’m falling for her hard and while that should scare me, it doesn’t. Nothing about this woman scares me, other than the thought of her walking away from me. She has the power to destroy me.

Lucy strides out of the bathroom, pulling her wet hair into a ponytail as she moves. She’s pulled on some clean clothes—jeans that fit her like a fucking glove, a low-cut tee that exposes the swell of her tits and a pair of calf length boots that make her legs look amazing. I want to tear them off and take her right here, but I calm my aching dick down. We’ve already lingered here too long.

Pushing up from the wall where I’m leaning, my pulse shooting through the roof and my throat constricting, I unglue my tongue from the roof of my mouth and straighten my kutte. She looks beautiful, always does, even with the steadily fading bruises to her face and chest. My eyes skim over each one, cataloguing, remembering them. I plan on making those cunts pay for every hurt they caused her. Fleeing for her life, petrified they were going to come for her—it makes my stomach fill with acid. I never want my girl scared. I never want her to feel anything but safe and protected. I swear right in that moment I’ll never let anything touch her.

I move towards her, craving her touch, needing to feel she’s whole and healthy with my own hands. She lets me take her hand and peers up at me, her eyes heavy with want, but there’s a hint of coyness there. I hate that uncertainty. Why the fuck is it even there? Every day I show her how much I fucking want her, and every day she lets me in piece by piece, her walls coming down a brick at a time. I don’t know what hurt she has in her past that has made her this way, but I’m determined to get around it. I’ll take every piece she gives me and put her back together. I’ll take a sledgehammer to that brick wall. I want her in my life. Hell, I need her in my life.

As she steps towards me, I give in to the urge to claim her, taking her mouth without invitation. She leans into my touch and gives back without question. I fucking love that she does. The strength of feeling I have for her is matched by her own and that makes me want to holler and cheer my triumph. I don’t doubt she wants me, but I do sense her hesitancy sometimes and one thing I’ll never do is force her into something she doesn’t want. I’m not Sin.

The fact she does want it elates me because I want it more than my next breath.

I chase her tongue into her mouth, sucking it against mine and I love the little moan she makes. It sends my heart rate through the roof. My fingers splay over the back of her neck, collaring her so I can pull her closer, so I can deepen the kiss.

When I release her lips, I’m panting, but so is she. She peers up at me with those beautiful blue eyes of hers and the urge to be inside her is an itch I can’t scratch.

“You have to stop kissing me like this,” she says breathlessly.

“Why?”

“Because I can’t think when you do.”

My lips tug into a smile, loving that she’s knocked off kilter by me. “What do you need to think about, baby?”

She swallows hard and glances away, and my happy feelings go poof. My stomach lurches at the dismissal and I don’t like that it does. I cup her face, bringing her gaze back to me.

“Luce?” I let the question dangle between us.

Her eyes raise to meet mine and I see the turbulence in her pale blue irises. I don’t like that it’s there, especially as I have no idea why. Does she regret what we did?

When her mouth moves up at the corners the pain developing in my chest loosens a little and I’m able to draw air without pain.

“Thank you.”

I have no idea why the fuck she’s thanking me, so my brows draw together. “For what?”

“Showing me I’m worth something.”

Her words are like a dagger to the chest. Who the fuck made her believe she wasn’t worth shit? I want to kill that fucker with my bare hands, although the thought of her with another man has the same effect. I hate that her smile is filled with sadness.

I dip my head and kiss her, needing to show her how much she means to me. I give her the words too, just in case my actions aren’t clear enough.

“You’re worth more than something, baby. Don’t ever doubt that.”

Her fingers run over her lips, as if she’s committing my kiss to memory. I have no fucking clue what is going on with her right now, but my gut tells me something is wrong, and I’ve learnt to trust my gut over the years.

“Whatever happens, I’ll never forget this,” she tells me quietly. “It meant the world to me.”

I grab her wrists, stopping her. Her stepping away from me fills my stomach with lead. It feels like she’s physically and emotionally distancing herself and I don’t fucking like it.

“Why are you talking like this?”

I watch her throat work as she swallows, not meeting my gaze and that feeling in my gut gets heavier.

“Things aren’t exactly safe right now. Anything could happen.”

Her words are a kick to the balls. Does she not think I can protect her? Does she not see that I’d lay my life down to keep her safe?

“Ain’t nothing going to happen. Ain’t letting shit touch you, Lucy. Those men come back and I’ll put a bullet in them.”

She opens her mouth, as if she’s poised to say something, then stops.

“What?” I press, desperate to hear her words, but scared of what she might say. There’s not much that a man like me fears, but her telling me she doesn’t want this scares me to death.

Lucy’s hand reaches up and cups my jaw. I can’t stop from leaning into her touch.

“You’re a good man, Nox.”

I’m not, not by a long shot, but she makes me want to be better. She makes me want to try for her. She makes those monsters that live inside me disappear, even if it’s only for a while. With her, I feel like I could be anyone. I feel like more than just Lennox Mathews, the club brat expected to follow in his dead father’s footsteps, expected to live up to a ghost.

“Let’s get back to the clubhouse,” I tell her softly. I want to put her somewhere safe again, somewhere I can protect her. Being here is risky. I don’t tell her that. I don’t want to freak her out. “We’ve left Day and Titch waiting long enough.”

She cringes and covers her face with her hands. I love watching the pink dappling her face and chest beneath the fading bruises. “They’re totally going to know what we did, aren’t they?”

I pull her hands from her face, hating that she’s hiding herself. “Yep, but they won’t give a shit either. Come on.”

I reach for her holdall in the doorway of the bedroom and lift it. It’s heavy as fuck and I wonder how many clothes she’s packed.