That doesn’t mean I need to bring drama unnecessarily to my door, so I’ll avoid it as long as I can.

Being back here brings demons, ones I can’t keep at bay. Everywhere I look I see memories of another time, a time that eventually destroyed me. A time that I’m still healing from.

I stomp down on those thoughts, push those monsters aside and ignore the churning in my gut as I step through the hospital’s doors. My heart still races, though, a sign of my apprehension.

I’m itching to get Lily-May out of this poisonous place, even though I know she needs to be here. Kessington has the power to seep into even the good things in life and corrode them.

After I left Tyler high and dry, I moved to the other side of London and that’s where I met Lucy. When I first left, I got a job in a bar. I wasn’t qualified to do anything else. Lucy was working there too and we were both struggling to make rent. When she asked me to share a flat with her, I jumped at the chance. I was about to become a single parent. I didn’t have a lot of options. Over the past three years, she’s been my rock and has taken care of me and Lily-May better than family. I’ll always be grateful for that.

I pass the nurses’ station and give the on-duty nurse a wave.

“How’s she been?”

“She was a little cranky this morning, but she’ll be better for seeing you,” Jessa says. I like this nurse. She’s been good to me and Lil in the time we’ve been here. As usual, her hair is pulled up into a ponytail and her cheeks are rosy. “Did you manage to get some sleep?”

“A little.” Then I admit, “I just wanted to get back here.”

After a solid week at the hospital, I needed to shower and recharge for a few hours. I didn’t want to leave, but I needed that time to just get my shit together, so I can be strong for my daughter.

“Understandable, but it is important to take care of yourself, too.” There’s a hint of chastisement in her words that barely penetrates. I know she means well, but I don’t need a lecture. I’m used to being exhausted. I’m used to running on no sleep and not showering for days at a time, because I’m a single mum and that’s been my life since Lil was first born.

“So everyone keeps telling me, but while Lily-May is in the hospital, all I care about is her. I’m not even thinking about myself.”

“You’re a good mum,” Jessa tells me and her words, which should make me beam with pride, make my stomach churn with an ugly feeling.

Guilt.

I’m a terrible mother.

I paint a smile on my face and forge past the nurses’ station and into the room that has become my life for almost seven days now.

The sterile smell of the cleaning fluids mixes with the scent of sweat and illness that clings to the air. The machines at the side of the bed beep in a steady rhythmic tone that grates on my nerves every time I hear it, because it reminds me of my truth—that things are no longer okay.

Lucy glances up from the magazine she’s flicking through and gives me a smile that’s filled with warmth. I would never have survived the past few years without her. She’s been the best friend I could never live without and she loves Lily-May as much as I do.

She looks tired, too. Her eyes are surrounded by black circles that mar her pale skin and the freckles on her face seem more pronounced.

My eyes slide to the cot bed and my feet move of their own accord to the side of it before my hand comes to rest on my daughter’s belly. She’s wearing pyjamas with little motorcycles on them. I might be out of the life, but it hasn’t totally let go of its hold on me. I’m still a biker brat at heart. Besides, her jammies are adorable—at least they would be if they didn’t have a whole host of wires and tubes snaking out from under the material.

Lily-May’s eyes are closed, but flutter a little at my touch, and the urge to play with her beautiful blonde curls is overwhelming, but I don’t want to wake her.

“How’s she been?” I ask Lucy, keeping my voice soft.

“A little fussy,” she says, confirming what the nurse told me, “but she settled eventually and slept probably more than you have, by the look of you.”

I watch as she lets her white blonde hair free and redoes it in another sloppy knot.

Lucy is a beautiful person, both inside and out. She was mine and Lily-May’s saviour after I left town and she continues to be my saviour now, helping me navigate this nightmare.

“Is she any worse?”

She shakes her head. “About the same really. They gave her some meds an hour ago and she’s slept since.”

My heart breaks. No parent should have to see their child sick, but this feels like punishment for what I did in the past, for the way I lived my life. I wish the universe would take it out on me, though, not my daughter. In all of this, she is the only innocent one.

“You should go and get some rest,” I tell her, but she shakes her head.

“I’m fine, honey. I can stay for a bit.”

I don’t argue with her. It would be pointless to try when her mind is made up.

Lucy considers me a moment. “How are you doing with everything else? Being back here can’t be easy.”

Inwardly, I flinch at her perceptiveness. Being back here is hell.

“It’s the only hospital in London with a children’s department capable of giving Lily-May the treatment she needs,” I say instead.

She clucks her tongue at me, letting her frustration show. She’s one of the few people who can get away with giving me shit like that, because Lucy is closer than family.

“I didn’t ask that, Sasha. I asked how you’re doing.”

I glance up from my daughter and meet her gaze. My heart is starting to race a little and my palms feel warm. I don’t want to talk about how I’m doing. I don’t want to relive the nightmare I survived, just barely. All I want is to see to my kid.

“I’m dealing.”

Because I have to.

The alternative is my daughter doesn’t get her treatment and she dies. That isn’t going to happen.

I’m saved from further probing by the doctor entering. Dr Harking has been a godsend, helping Lily-May when the other doctors couldn’t. He’s the leading cancer specialist in the country, and knows everything there is to know about paediatric cases. When Lily-May took a turn this time, we were transferred over here—to a hospital within the boundaries of the Sons’ territory. That was not a good thing for me, but it’s the best for my daughter, so the transfer happened. Only the best will do for her.

Still, it’s a bitter pill to swallow.

“Did the results come back?” I press, not caring about making small talk. I want to know if my daughter can be saved, if me or Lucy hold the key to saving her.

My stomach fills with ice as his mouth pulls into a tight line and I know it’s going to be bad news. Chills run up my spine as the bottom prepares to drop out of my world.

“It did. I’m sorry, but you’re not a full match and Miss Franklin only has one marker in common.”

My heart sinks and terror like I’ve never felt claws at my cardiac muscle. She needs eight to match. That means Lucy can’t donate bone marrow. I can, but there are risks with it being only a partial match.

It’s a crushing blow and I feel as if I’ve been sucker punched in the gut. The only chance Lily-May has of surviving this is with a transplant.