“So then how did it happen?” Chloe tilted her head. “Was it just a random one-time thing?”

I nodded. “Totally. It was right after we’d graduated, the night before he left. We were at someone’s graduation party—I can’t even remember whose—and he offered to drive me home. But instead of going straight there, we took a detour.”

“Where?” Frannie asked, then bit her lip. “Sorry, is this too personal?”

“No, it’s okay.” I took a breath, letting the memories from that night roll over me like ocean waves. “He wanted to drive by this old ballfield where he’d played a lot of games as a kid. It was completely deserted and dark, of course, because it was so late at night, and we just sat in the bed of his truck and talked. We’d spent a lot of time together, but that was the first time he ever really opened up to me about his feelings. He talked more about his childhood, his mom’s death, how much it meant to him to make his dad proud. And he was just so excited to get out of here and go prove himself. The only thing he was sad about was leaving his sister. He thanked me for helping out with her so much.” I took another breath. “Then he thanked me for helping him with homework.” A pause. “Then he said how he couldn’t have made it through senior year without me, and he reached over and touched my hair.”

“You do have awesome hair,” Meg said.

I laughed a little. “Next thing I knew, we were kissing, and after that, everything happened pretty fast. I mean, really fast.”

“That’s an eighteen-year-old guy for you,” Chloe said.

“So no condom?” Frannie guessed.

I shook my head. “Nope. Truth be told, that was my first time. I was mostly just terrified I was doing it wrong.”

“Even if that were possible, I doubt he’d have noticed,” said Chloe. “Eighteen, remember?”

“So what happened afterward?” Frannie asked.

“Well, immediately afterward, we sort of awkwardly laughed and he took me home. Hugged me goodbye on Mom and Dad’s front porch. He was off to Arizona the next day, and I left for college at the end of the summer.”

“Did you keep in touch?” asked Meg.

“Not really. Maybe the occasional text, but we were both on to the next chapters of our lives. It wasn’t until October that I began to suspect I might be pregnant. I’d missed a couple periods by then, but I’d figured it was stress. And I thought the weight gain was the typical freshman fifteen. But then I took a drugstore test, and it was positive.” I shuddered at the memory. “I came home at Thanksgiving and told Mom. She made me an appointment with her doctor. When the results were confirmed, we discussed the options. But she told me the decision was mine and she’d support me no matter what.”

“God,” Chloe said, shaking her head. “I can’t believe you went through all this and never said anything.”

“I was embarrassed,” I confessed. “I’d been careless and irresponsible. I didn’t want you guys to know what I’d done. You were barely out of middle school. Meg was just sixteen. And Frannie was like ten or something. I was supposed to be a good example.”

“You were, April.” Frannie leaned over and touched my shoulder. “You always put other people first. I learned that from you.”

I smiled at her. “Thanks.” Then I glanced at Sylvia. “I actually confessed everything to Sylvia that Christmas, because she found me crying in my room on Christmas Eve. But I made her promise not to tell anyone.”

“Did Dad know?” Meg asked.

I shrugged. “I asked Mom not to tell him, but I don’t know for sure if she did or not. At the time, I thought I wouldn’t be able to face him, but he probably would have been just as supportive as Mom. Anyway, I thought about it and decided I wanted to give the baby up for adoption. Mom helped me choose a family through an agency, I deferred my second semester at school, and I moved in with Grandma Russell for my last three months. Had the baby in March.”

Chloe gasped. “Grandma Russell knew? Damn, she took that secret to the grave, huh?”

“Well, Mom had to put me somewhere,” I explained with a shrug. “And actually, Grandma was surprisingly chill about it. She said it had happened to a friend of hers back in like 1950 or something, and the girl had to go to a convent.”

“Wow.” Frannie shook her head.

“So what did you have, April?” Meg asked softly. “A girl or a boy?”

“A boy.” Closing my eyes, I pictured that tiny, wailing, perfect, beautiful baby they’d placed on my chest. “I had a boy.”

No one spoke for a few seconds.

“Did you even get to hold him?” Frannie asked.

“For a few minutes. I remember he was wrapped in a white flannel blanket and wore a blue knit hat, and he had huge, dark, serious eyes. He wasn’t even crying, but I was.” I smiled ruefully and wiped a tear from my eye. “I promised him that I’d never forget him, that I hoped he’d have the best life ever, and that I was sorry I couldn’t keep him. Then I handed him over to his mom and dad—his real mom and dad.”

They were all silent for a moment, and Sylvia took my hand. “That had to be so hard for you.”

“It was,” I said.

“Do you know his name?” Chloe asked gently.

I nodded. “They named him Charles, after his father and grandfather.”

They were quiet as it sunk in.

“What did you do after that?” Chloe asked.

“I came home for the summer and never said a word to anyone. That fall I went back to Penn State and tried to move on.”

“Wait a minute, back up. What about Tyler?” Meg asked. “You said he knew about the baby?”

I nodded. “Yes. He was home that Thanksgiving too. I went over to his house and told him, and he was devastated. I could just see it on his face—he thought his life was over. He wasn’t ready to be a dad. He wasn’t even nineteen. He’d barely gotten his ticket out of here, and hadn’t even played a major league game yet. He didn’t want the responsibility of a wife and kid.”

“Did he offer to marry you?” Frannie wondered.

“No, he just asked me what I wanted to do. I said right away I wanted to give it up for adoption, and he was totally relieved. He offered to pay for anything I needed, but I told him I didn’t need money. The only other thing he asked was that his name be left off the birth certificate, and I agreed that was for the best.”

“Were you mad about that?” Meg studied me curiously.

“No. I understood. And it actually made things easier, because I didn’t have to chase him down to sign anything.” I shook my head. “I know we should have been careful. But I’ve never blamed Tyler. Mostly I just felt guilty and sad.”

“Why would you feel guilty?” Frannie asked. “You did the right thing.”

I fought a fresh onslaught of tears. “I know. In my head, I know. But something in me still felt like I was shirking my responsibility to this little human life, like I had failed some kind of test of my worth. I was ashamed.”

“I wonder if Tyler ever felt any of that,” said Meg. “If he ever had regrets.”