Insatiable Page 48
“Me too,” he said, pushing his nephew higher and giving me a sexy sideways grin. The swing chains moaned.
More nervous laughter from me. “Right. There’s that, and then I’ve also just really enjoyed being around my family and spending time in my hometown. I feel happy here. Happier than I’ve been in a long time.”
“That’s . . . good.”
But the way he said it, with the tiniest hesitation, put me slightly on edge. Had I imagined it?
“And I haven’t really talked about this much, but I have to move out of my apartment in DC. I shared it with Brooks, and the rent is too pricey for me to pay on my own. And I don’t really want a roommate.”
More hesitation. “DC is a big city. You’ll find something.”
“Well, I was kind of thinking, since I have to move out of there and I’ve had such a great time at home, maybe I’d move back here permanently.”
Noah didn’t say anything. He just kept pushing his nephew. He wasn’t smiling, either. What did that mean?
“What about your job?” he finally asked.
My job? My job?
“Um, I guess I’d find a new one. Here.”
“Not many job openings for political strategists around here.”
I stared at him, the butterflies in my stomach turning to stone. “I could also see about keeping my job but working remotely.”
Silence. The groan of the swing chains seemed even louder.
“I was thinking I could help you with your campaign for sheriff too,” I said.
“I haven’t decided to run.”
“If you do.” I swallowed, and the taste in my mouth was bitter. “Noah, what’s the problem? Do you not want me to move here?”
“You can move anywhere you want.” His jaw had taken on that hard, stubborn angle.
“Can you look at me, please?” At this point, I was struggling not to cry.
He turned his head toward me, but his face was shadowed by the ball cap. It was impossible to read his expression.
“I thought you might be happy about this,” I said, my voice wavering. “We’ve had so much fun together this week, and if I move here, we could . . . Don’t you . . .” I had to stop and swallow against the lump lodged in my throat. “Don’t you want this to continue?”
Looking straight ahead again, he kept pushing the swing, even though Ethan had started to fuss. “For how long?”
“What?”
“For how long?” he asked, louder. “I mean, if you move here, how long do you think this can last?”
“I don’t know,” I said.
“Because we agreed right from the start that this was a temporary thing,” he snapped, grabbing the back of the swing to stop it. “It was just for this week. Just for fun.”
“I know, but then—”
“I never lied to you, Meg. I never made you any promises.” Noah yanked Ethan from the swing and started striding toward the parking lot, Renzo right beside him.
I followed, nearly at a jog, to keep up. “I never said you did! And I’m not asking for any promises. I just think what we have is too good to cut so short. Why can’t we give us a chance?”
“Because,” he said angrily. “We don’t want the same things.”
“But that could change!”
He huffed. “Women.”
“What do you mean by that?” I yelled, getting mad now too. He was being stubborn and ridiculous and mean. He wouldn’t even stop and listen, he just kept racing away from me!
“I mean, even when a guy is totally up front about what he can and cannot offer, a woman just hears what she wants to hear.” Noah yanked open his rear driver’s side door, and once Renzo had jumped in, strapped Ethan into the car seat. “I told you the truth about what I’m capable of and you didn’t believe it. That’s not my fault.”
I put both hands to my head. “It wasn’t the truth! It was a bunch of lies you tell yourself because you don’t think you deserve to be happy.”
He stood up and slammed the door. “Don’t fucking tell me what I think. And don’t you fucking dare use what I said against me.”
But I couldn’t stop. I pointed a finger at him. “I know you, Noah McCormick! I know how you think!”
“You don’t know anything,” he seethed quietly.
“Yes, I do!”
“Because we fucked? After five days, that makes you the expert on me?”
“No, asshole! Because I’ve known you more than half our lives! I know how much you love your brother—how much your entire family means to you. I know how much you love your job. I know how much you want to protect good people and punish the bad, and how angry you get when you can’t. I know you feel guilty about Asher, and it tears you into pieces inside.” I lowered my voice, although there was no one around. “And I know what your body wants. I know how it feels on mine. I know how good we are together. And I know from the way you’re looking at me right now that you’re thinking about it too.” I moved closer to him and tried to put my hands on his chest.
He grabbed my wrists. His lips were so close. “Don’t.”
“Why are you pushing me away?” I asked, tears spilling from my eyes.
Instead of answering, he crushed his mouth to mine, his fingers tight my wrists. But all too quickly, he broke the kiss and gently shoved me back. “Go back to DC, Meg. Leave me alone.”
Without another word, he jumped into his SUV, started the engine and drove off, leaving me standing there alone in tears.
Placing both hands over my face, I sank down onto the concrete parking stop and sobbed.
Twenty-Three
Noah
“Fuck. Fuck! Fuck!” I banged the steering wheel with the heel of my hand every time I cursed. In the backseat, Ethan continued to cry. He’d probably repeat the F word when we got home, and babysitting would be yet another thing I’d fucked up today.
And it wasn’t even half over.
“Goddammit!” I yelled. “Why am I such an asshole?”
I knew I’d treated Meg abominably, I’d known it even as I was doing it, but I couldn’t fucking help it. She’d started talking about moving here, about staying here, about us, and I’d fucking panicked.
She couldn’t live here, for God’s sake! I wouldn’t be safe if she lived here. I wouldn’t be able to handle seeing her all the time, and I wouldn’t be able to stay away.
But it couldn’t go anywhere, and I couldn’t just pretend like we could have a future, not the kind of future she wanted and deserved. What would happen when she realized that? What would happen when she realized that she’d quit her awesome job, moved back to this podunk town she’d been so excited to leave, and given up everything she’d worked so hard to get . . . for me? Once she realized that I couldn’t be what she wanted me to be, she’d hate me.
Plus, the more time I spent with her, the deeper my feelings got. She had me questioning decisions that I’d already made a lifetime ago.
No. She had to leave. That was the only way.
And now that I’d been such a dick to her, maybe she wouldn’t even hesitate. Maybe she’d come to the conclusion that she’d been wrong about me and could do a hell of a lot better. Why would she want a guy like me anyway, who lashed out at her when he got mad or scared or frustrated, who said things he didn’t mean, who didn’t know how to love her the way he should? I hadn’t even been able to say the word.