“Did you sleep at all?” she asked, her voice full of sympathy.

I shook my head and took a sip from a travel mug full of hot black coffee, which Sylvia had thrust into my hands on the way out. “Not really. Which is why I’m keeping these sunglasses on all day.” My eyes were bloodshot and puffy, with deep purple circles beneath them.

After I’d gone back to our table last night, I’d quickly grabbed my purse and bolted for the door. Luckily, my parents had been elsewhere, and Sylvia’s family had already left. Just Henry and April had been left at the table, and April had given some excuse to Henry and followed me back to the house. Up in my bedroom, I’d cried on her shoulder for a solid hour, telling her that Noah had showed up to apologize and tell me he loved me, but hadn’t changed his mind.

“Mom say anything to you this morning about why you left without saying goodbye last night?”

I sighed. “Yeah, but I just said I was tired. I think she knew something was up though. Just now, she gave me this extra long hug and told me she only wants me to be happy.” I sipped again. “As if it were a simple thing.”

“I think it is for some people. Look at Mack and Frannie. Chloe and Oliver. Mom and Dad.”

“But look at Sylvia and Brett. Henry and Renee. Noah and me.”

“I’m trying to cheer you up here, Meg.”

“I don’t think it’s possible today. Sorry.”

April glanced at me. “You going to be okay?”

“Eventually. I know you probably think I’m crazy, getting my hopes up so high after just a few days. But I really thought things with Noah were going to work. I thought he was the one.”

“I don’t think you’re crazy. You love him. That’s how you’re supposed to feel. What’s crazy is that he loves you too, but you’re still getting on a plane today. That’s the part I don’t understand.”

I bit my lip. Unwilling to betray Noah’s confidence, I hadn’t told April what Noah had confessed to me about feeling so guilty over Asher’s disability that he had to deny himself things he wanted. That it was his way of atoning for a sin he hadn’t committed but believed he should suffer for.

I’d only said that he admitted he loved me but didn’t want the same future I did. “Sylvia says I’m better off knowing now.”

“I guess that’s one way to look at it,” she said. “But it doesn’t make it hurt any less, does it?”

“No. It sure doesn’t.

At the departures drop-off, April hugged me tightly and told me to call her anytime if I needed to talk. I flew home and went back to my lonely apartment, putting myself to bed without eating dinner or even unpacking.

It felt like the same old story.

He loved me, but not enough.

I went back to work and put in long hours to catch up on everything I’d missed. I renewed my gym membership and made sure to run a few miles at least three times a week, and I signed up for a 5K race for a children’s charity. I started lifting some weights at the gym too, hoping the added physical strength would translate to my mental and emotional well-being. I allowed myself a Twinkie here and there.

But I still struggled.

I accepted invitations from my girlfriends to go out and be social, but my heart wasn’t in it. I turned down a couple dates. There was no one who could compare to Noah.

“Just give yourself time,” April said over the phone. “It’s only been a couple weeks.”

“Has it? God, time goes slowly when you’re miserable.” I took a breath. “Have you seen him?”

“Once,” she said. “At the grocery store.”

“How did he look?” I asked.

“Terrible.”

I sighed. It didn’t even make me feel better to hear it.

“How’s the apartment hunt going?” she asked. “Find anything yet?”

“Not yet.” Truth be told, I hadn’t even hunted all that hard yet. And I needed to, because Brooks had texted that because living expenses in Manhattan were so high, he could really only afford to cover half the rent for this apartment through November.

“You know, you could still move back here,” April said. “If you really want to. It doesn’t have to be for him—it could be for you.”

“I know. But I don’t think I could handle it. Seeing him would just be too hard.”

“I understand,” she said. “Hang in there. Things are bound to get better with time.”

I really hoped she was right.

Twenty-Nine

Noah

It had been nearly two weeks since I’d seen Meg.

Nothing felt right. Not sleeping in my bed alone, not running in the park, not even my bones beneath my skin. She hadn’t called or texted, and I was too ashamed to reach out. I told myself that I’d been half in love with her for sixteen years and it was going to take some time to get over that, but I couldn’t see my way clear.

I was messed up over her, and I didn’t know how to get out from under it.

It was Asher who offered me a distraction.

The day before the 5K race for veterans in need of service dogs, I took Asher to adaptive swim class and finally got to meet Alicia in the rec center lobby when it was over. She emerged from the ladies’ locker room in a motorized wheelchair, and like my brother had said, she had long red hair, which was wet and hanging down to her shoulders in ringlets, and freckles across the bridge of her nose and cheeks. She was in her mid-twenties, and her face lit up when she saw Asher waiting for her.

She reached out to shake my hand after Asher introduced us using his speech device. “It’s nice to meet you,” Alicia said.

“You too,” I told her. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

She blushed. “Asher is sweet. He’s going to help me edit some videos for my new vlog.”

“Really? That’s cool.” I glanced at Asher, who was staring at Alicia like a kid in a candy shop. It was kind of funny actually. “What’s your vlog about?”

“Well, I’m studying to be a forensic scientist, so I want to teach people about the different ways crimes are solved using forensic evidence. And I also want to encourage people, especially kids, with disabilities to go after their dream careers, even if they think it’s not possible.”

“That’s awesome,” I told her. “I’m in law enforcement, so let me know if I can be of any help.”

“Thanks. We’re trying to figure out the best place to work right now,” she said. “My house is pretty noisy because I’ve got four younger siblings. And neither of us drives, so meeting up is a little challenging.”

“I can drive Asher anywhere.”

“I’ve told him I can come to his house too.” She glanced at my brother, who suddenly took an interest in his shoes. “But I don’t know if that would work.”

“Uh, I’ll check it out,” I said, wondering what the hell Asher was thinking. Was he too shy to invite her over? “There’s always my house too. I’ve got a dog, but he’s pretty quiet most of the time. And I can take him to the park while you’re working.”