“But she doesn’t get to just decide that for you,” I said angrily. “You get to choose what you want to do with your life. I’m going to talk to her again.” Getting off the desk, I went to the door and opened it.

“Noah.”

I turned to look at him over my shoulder. “Yeah, bud?”

“Have you talked to Meg?”

“No,” I said.

“You should say you’re sorry.”

I shook my head. “That won’t fix it.”

“What will fix it?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

“I think you do.”

I stared at him, and he stared back for a full ten seconds, almost like he expected me to argue, but then he plugged his device into the charger.

I walked out, pulling the door shut behind me.

I found my mother making tea in the kitchen. “Is he ready to get undressed?” she asked, stirring in a teaspoon of honey.

“Yes, but let him do it himself. He is capable.”

“I know, but it takes extra effort, and he’s already exhausted.” She went to move past me but I blocked the entrance to the hall. “Noah, let me by.” She tried to push me aside, but couldn’t.

“No, not until we have a serious conversation about what you’re doing.”

She stuck her hands on her hips. “What am I doing?”

“You’re sabotaging Asher’s efforts to be more independent.”

“What? I am not!”

“Come on. He’ll hear us.” I went through the kitchen into the front room, half-expecting her to dart back to Asher’s room once I was out of her way, but she followed me.

“What’s all this about?” she demanded.

“This is about you using Asher as an excuse not to move on with your life,” I told her.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she huffed.

“It’s true, Ma. I love you, and I know how hard this is, but you can’t keep Asher here because you need him to need you. It’s not fair.”

Her face burned with anger. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you do. Dad wanted Asher to live on his own, Ma. I remember the conversation. He wanted Asher to have some independence so you could too.”

“Your father had unrealistic expectations,” she snapped. “And it doesn’t matter anyway, because now he’s gone. I’ve got no need for independence.”

“Yes, you do, but even if you put that aside, think of Asher’s needs. Put him first.”

She reacted as if I’d slapped her. “I have always put the needs of my children first. It’s how I love them, by taking care of them!”

“If you love him, honor his wish, Ma.” I took a breath, reminding myself to stay calm for Asher. “He wants to leave.”

“Are you putting that in his head?” She crossed her arms. “He never wanted to leave before.”

“No, this was all his idea. He came to me. Getting a job and being good at what he does has boosted his confidence. You should be happy about this.”

“But what if something happens?” she cried. “What if he falls or has a seizure or needs help or—or what if people out in the world are just mean to him because they don’t understand?”

Moving forward, I took her gently by the shoulders. “He’s not a child anymore, Ma. And he doesn’t want to be treated like one! And who knows? Maybe he’ll hate being on his own and want to move right back home, but the point is—you have to let him make that choice.” I let go of her. “If you ask me, you could take a page from his book.”

Her arms came undone, and her chest puffed out. “And what’s that mean?”

“It means he’s choosing to face his fears and get out on his own even though it’s going to be hard. And you’re choosing to remain here focused on caring for him instead of living your life.”

“Well, you’re one to talk!”

I frowned. “This isn’t about me.”

“Oh no?” Her eyes took on a shrewd look. “What really happened with Meg Sawyer, Noah?”

“Stop it.”

“And don’t give me any nonsense about not wanting to be anyone’s boyfriend. You’re in love with her, and you know it! And you’ve been miserable since she left. So why did you push her away?”

“It’s none of your business,” I snapped.

“My children are always my business,” she snapped right back. “And like it or not, I’m your mother. I know you. And I know what you’re doing. I’ve always known.”

“What are you talking about?”

She moved closer to me, pointing a finger. “You’re afraid to let yourself be happy because you feel so bad about the gifts God gave you. I saw it when you were a kid and I see it now. But it’s not right, Noah. You need to stop blaming yourself.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” But my heart was pumping hard, and I raised my voice. Her words were a little too close to home. “All I’m doing is trying to help Asher, and trying to honor my promise to Dad. Before he died, he told me not to let you run yourself into the ground caring for everyone but yourself. He made me promise I’d see to it that you got on with your life.”

“Well, you know what he said about you?”

I said nothing, my chest tight with anger, my breath coming hard and fast.

“He said to me, Carol, don’t let that boy suffer all his life. Don’t let him punish himself for things that were in God’s hands. Tell him he deserves to be happy.”

“I am happy!” I roared, although I knew how ridiculous it sounded. “And I don’t need you or Meg or Asher or Nina or Chris or even Dad’s ghost breathing down my neck telling me I’m not!”

I turned and headed for the front door. I didn’t need to listen to this. Here I was trying to do something for Asher, and somehow she’d turned it around on me. How come every time I tried to do the right thing, it fucking backfired on me?

At home, I took Renzo for a fast-paced walk to work off a little steam. My blood was boiling.

How dare she? I thought to myself with every angry stride. How dare she throw my dad’s last words about me in my face? She was the one who needed to change the way she thought, not me! I’d never been so furious in all my life.

I was mad at my parents for knowing me so well, for being able to somehow read my thoughts and feelings. Had I been so transparent?

I was mad at my mom for her incessant nagging about my personal life. Would she ever get off my back and leave me alone?

I was mad at my dad for dying and leaving me to fill his shoes.

I was mad at Nina and Chris, for getting everything so right and making it look so easy.

I was mad at Meg, for making me fall in love with her, making me trust her, and calling me out on my bullshit.

I was mad at myself, for fucking up at every turn, for failing and hurting people I loved, for being unable to find a way out of the mess I’d made.

The only person I wasn’t angry with was Asher. I’d let him down tonight, but I wouldn’t give up. In my mind I saw his face when I’d left his room earlier tonight, after saying I didn’t know what to do to make it right with Meg. The certainty in his eyes as he’d said, I think you do.