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There’s merit to what he says, but it’s kind of hard not to take this personally.
“Hey, I tried marijuana in high school,” I whisper, laughing. “It was just once, when I was going through my rebellious stage.”
He laughs at that. “Sounds like you were a real bad girl.”
“You have no idea,” I say, smiling sadly. “Dad never found out. He always trusted me and thought the best of me no matter what. I could do no wrong in his eyes. You know what?”
“What?”
“I probably won’t be able to have kids, and I never told him that.”
Crow looks at me, confused by my random fact.
“I have a history of abnormal cells on my cervix, and I had a few surgeries to remove them. However, if they’re just going to continue to grow back, my doctor recommended that I get a hysterectomy, especially since there is cancer in my family history. My mother died of ovarian cancer.”
I refuse to look Crow in the eye, recognizing it’s the first time I’m really talking about this with someone without blowing it off as nothing serious. I realize I’ve been withholding telling people the full extent of what is going on with me because I didn’t want to acknowledge the severity of it. But now, after Dad’s death, I know I owe it to him to face it.
“My dad knew about the surgeries and the abnormal cells, but I never told him about the hysterectomy I may need. I never shared that with him, because I knew he would have been so upset, and now he’s gone and it’s too late.” I turn to him. “You’re the first person I’ve told this to. No one is going to want me after I have a hysterectomy.”
He pulls me closer. “That’s not true. And there are other ways to have children. You could adopt or foster. It doesn’t mean you’ll never be a mother, if that’s what you want. It doesn’t have to be the end of your dreams.”
“I know. There are other options out there, you’re right. But, since it was just me and my dad, I’ve always craved that familial connection. Before Abbie, I didn’t really have anyone who was blood related to me other than my dad and uncle. So while I know there are many other ways to be a mother, having a child of my own was something I always wanted. And now that Dad is gone, it’s something I wish I had more than ever,” I admit. “Maybe it’s best that Dad didn’t know, because he always wanted to be a grandfather.”
“He sounds like a great man,” Crow says. “I’m so happy that I got to meet him that one time and I could tell that we’d have gotten along.”
“He liked you,” I say. “He told me that.”
“That means a lot to me, to hear that. Most of the best men I know are in the MC. We get judged and looked down upon, so you can’t always trust what other people think. He loved you. You knew him. Yes, there was a side he kept secret to protect you from the truth, but that doesn’t change his love for you.”
“I know,” I agree. “I think it’s just hard to think about him having another side to him. One I never saw. If it wasn’t Uncle Neville and it was anyone else telling me this about him, I wouldn’t have believed them. That’s how out of character this seems.”
“I know. People are intricate. I don’t know if you can ever really, truly know someone,” he says, kissing my hair. “But you know if people love you, and have your back, and are loyal to you, and those things all mean something. Friendship and love mean something. Family is everything, the type made from blood or forged in loyalty. I’m really close with my sister, even though she’s a pain in my ass. I’d do anything for her.”
“Heidi,” I say, feeling a little sheepish. “I thought she was your girlfriend or booty call or something.”
“I guessed as much, but no, she’s just my little sister, who was drunk and asking if I could give her a ride home,” he explains. “Our parents live overseas, and we rarely get to see them. So it’s just us here, and we look out for each other.”
“That sounds nice. I always wanted a sibling,” I admit, closing my eyes, my head fuzzy, my body warm. “I lost my mom when I was a kid, and now my dad. Maybe if I had a sibling it wouldn’t be so bad.”
“You have us,” is the last thing I hear before I fall asleep.
Chapter Nine
“Hey,” I say as Abbie and Sky walk into the café. I messaged them both and asked if they would meet me here. I wanted to have a private chat with them about everything that has been going on.
“How are you doing?” Abbie asks, concern and worry in her eyes. “We’ve all been so worried about you.”
“I’m okay,” I reply, shrugging. I mean, I’m not, but what can I say? No one would want to hear the depressing truth.
“Crow has been keeping us all updated,” Sky adds. Not too updated, because they obviously don’t know that I know the truth about everything yet.
“I went and spoke to Uncle Neville,” I say, and with those words, I think they both know why we are all here right now. It’s not to discuss my father’s death, or how I’m doing—it’s to discuss why the hell no one thought it would have been a good idea to tell me the truth about my own family.
“He told me everything,” I continue, swallowing hard. “And I guess I just wanted to tell you both how damn upsetting it is to find out that everyone you care about knew things about your life, yet they didn’t bother to tell you. You all knew that I didn’t know, right?”
“Yeah,” Skylar admits, her green eyes filled with regret. “We did, and we’re sorry, Bronte. I mean, we didn’t know about your dad and his involvement. But we definitely knew about Neville.”
“She’s right,” Abbie murmurs, reaching out and touching my hand. “I know exactly where you are right now because I felt the same. And you’re right, we should have told you.”
Sky nods. “I guess I personally felt like it wasn’t my business, and that it was between you and your dad and uncle, but you’re right. If I was in your situation right now, I would feel completely betrayed.”
“We’re sorry, Bronte,” Abbie adds, frowning. “I’ve only just met you and have you in my life, and I don’t want to lose you. In my defense, I don’t know how I could have dropped that bomb on you after us only just connecting. But I know how I felt when I found out, so I recognize how confused, hurt and angry you are probably feeling right now.”
I appreciate their apology. It doesn’t change how this has all played out, but it’s something.
“You can’t choose your family, or what they’ve done or how they choose to live their life. I’ve learned that you can just go by how they treat you, though. And I know from what Dad said they were on their way out of the business,” Abbie says.