At least I think it’s awe. It could be shock. Or fear. Fuck, I hope it’s not fear.

“Do you want me to put my clothes back on?”

“Don’t you dare put your clothes back on. This is the best day EVER,” he replies. He places his palm flat on my chest and runs it down the front of my body. I swallow nervously as he touches me. Gavin has never touched me like this. NO ONE has ever touched me like this. He’s right. This is the best day ever.

Leaning up, I press my lips to his. He immediately deepens the kiss and pulls me underneath him. Wrapping my legs around his hips, I pull him against me and holy f**k is he hard. He’s hard because of me. I mean, I know it happened before, but I was touching his penis. If a feather touched his penis he’d probably get hard. I haven’t even touched him yet. He wants me and I want him and this is totally going to happen right now. I don’t care if we’re in the back seat of a f**king Honda.

Okay, I totally care that we’re in the back seat of my shitty car. This is like the worst cliché in history. Girl loses virginity in the back seat. What if someone drives by? What if someone looks in the window? Gavin is still kissing me and his hands are pushing down my underwear and all I can think about is someone staring in the window. I stopped next to a cornfield. Are the Children of the Corn gathering around the car getting ready to kill us?! He who walks behind the rows!

“Did you just call me Malachai?” Gavin asks, pulling his head away from me.

It’s never a good idea to call a guy by another man’s name when you’re about to have sex, even if it’s a homicidal maniac dressed like an Amish kid.

“Ha! What? No! I said, ‘May I lick..I,” I fumble.

“If you want to lick yourself, go right ahead.” He laughs. “That might be kind of hot.”

Pushing all thoughts of Malachai staring at us with a bloody sickle in his hand, I help Gavin remove his boxer briefs, and then he helps me slide my underwear off. I quickly pull his body back down to mine.

This time when he kisses me, I stop thinking. All I do is feel. His hands run over every inch of my body he can reach, and before I know it, I feel his fingers sliding between my legs. While his tongue tangles with mine and his fingers ghost over my clit, I sigh into his mouth and try not to think about the fact that I’ve never gotten a Brazilian. I keep everything nice and tidy down there, so it’s not like he’s going to get his fingers tangled or anything, but maybe I should have taken my mother up on her offer to go with her when she went to her appointment the other day. Something about going somewhere with my mother where we’re both na**d from the waist down, spread-eagle on a table, and letting a stranger paw around down there with hot wax didn’t sound appealing. Go figure.

Oh sweet Jesus his fingers …

Working for a sex toy manufacturer has definitely given him some skills. He uses just the right amount of pressure as his fingers gently circle my clit, and I can’t stop the sounds escaping from my mouth as he slowly pushes one inside me.

My best friend is diddling me. This is totally happening!

“Fuck, you feel amazing,” Gavin whispers against my lips as he holds his finger still inside of me and moves his thumb back and forth right where I need him.

Keep talking. Holy hell, keep talking.

“You’re so wet and soft and it’s so cool you don’t shave or wax.”

Wait, what? That’s not hot.

“Did you just say I’m hairy?” I question on a gasp as he adds a second finger to the first.

I have a hairy wildebeest vagina. That’s what he’s saying, isn’t it?

“What?! No! That’s not what I meant!” he quickly adds as his fingers continue sliding in and out of me.

This feels good. Fuck no, this feels AMAZING. But all I can think about right now is that he thinks my va**na feels like an English sheepdog. All that hair falling down over the top of its eyes so it can’t see where it’s going. You know, if my va**na had eyes. It could be a scary movie: If the Va**na had Eyes. Rogue vaginas pissed off because they’re so hairy, hiding in abandoned houses, waiting to bring down their wrath on unsuspecting townspeople. Wait, didn’t Big Bird have a dog like that named Barkley on Sesame Street? Gavin is going to start calling my va**na Barkley.

I’m so preoccupied with my sheepdog va**na that I don’t immediately notice Gavin is reaching his one arm down to the floor; the arm that isn’t busy reaching into the horror story that is my vagina. He fumbles around for a few seconds before coming back with a condom in his hand.

“I swear I don’t always carry these around with me. Aunt Jenny gave them to me a few weeks ago and they’ve been in my wallet ever since,” he reassures me as he sees me staring at the little foil packet in his hand.

“I’m fine. It’s totally fine. Of course you should carry condoms. You need those for sex. The sex that you have. The sex that everyone has,” I ramble.

Everyone but me. Oh shit, I should really come clean and tell him I’ve never done this before. I don’t have time to confess that little white lie, though, because he’s back to kissing me again and putting on the condom at the same time. This is happening.

He positions himself at my opening, and since his nimble fingers got me nice and wet before Barkley made an appearance, he starts to slide right in like it’s no big deal. This is really happening and it’s a big deal and oh my holy f**k JESUS MOTHER OF FIRE BURNING HELL THIS HURTS!

My thighs clamp down like vises on his hips, and I squeeze my eyes closed as he pushes the rest of the way inside me.

Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, f**king holy shit ouch.

“Holy shit. What the fuck? Oh my God. Charlotte, why the hell didn’t you say something?!” Gavin curses as he holds himself still and winces like he’s the one in pain. FUCK YOUR MOTHER! The only pain being had right now is by me and my vagina.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh my God I’m sorry. Are you okay? WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SOMETHING?!” Gavin shouts.

“Telling you I’m a virgin is not exactly romantic,” I fire back.

“God dammit! The only reason I even had sex with Shelly in high school was because I thought you had sex with DJ! Fuck! Your dad is going to kill me!” he complains.

“Can we NOT talk about my father right now?” I shout.

“We can’t talk about your father, we can’t talk about you being a virgin, what the f**k CAN we talk about?!” he yells.

“Are we really going to argue about this right now when your penis is inside of me?!” I scream back.

We lie there, breathing heavy and staring at one another, until Gavin’s shoulders droop and he leans his forehead down against mine.

“You should have told me,” he whispers before pulling back and kissing my cheek. “I hurt you.”

He kisses my cheek, my nose, my eyes, and finally my lips. “We should stop. It shouldn’t be like this … in the back seat of your car. You should have music and candles and flowers.”

“We are not stopping. I’m okay now, I swear. The deed is done. I am no longer a virgin, thank you very much,” I remind him.

“I want this to be good for you,” he pleads.

“It IS good for me. I swear.”

I pull him back to me and kiss him. After a few minutes, he begins to move against me and this time, I’m vocal with my ouch.

“Okay, maybe it isn’t going to be THAT good. I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s me. We’re parked next to a corn field and I’m pretty sure there are killer children out there waiting to bust in the windows and stab us,” I tell him.

“I knew you said Malachai before. And don’t worry, I can totally fix this situation,” Gavin says.

I start to protest as he moves away from me again, but he just reaches down to the floor and fumbles around again for a few seconds. He pulls his arm back and in his hand is the world’s tiniest bullet vibrator.

“Did you just pull a vibrator out of your jeans?”

“Yes, yes I did. See? My job is TOTALLY awesome,” he says with a smile as he presses a button and the little silver ball fires up.

“Don’t guys feel like less of a man if they have to use a vibrator on a woman?” I question.

“If you have an orgasm, that’s all that matters to me. And you WILL have an orgasm. Ten out of ten women surveyed got off with this little guy,” he tells me, sliding his hand between us.

“It’s so hot when you talk shop,” I tell him with a groan as he gently presses the bullet to my clit.

“Holy hell, make that eleven out of eleven women,” I moan as he holds the bullet in place and slowly starts to move inside me.

It only takes me thirty seconds to have my first orgasm with a guy. And not just any guy–Gavin. And luckily, he doesn’t take after his best friend and shout the names of My Little Pony when he comes during sex; he just shouts my name.

Chapter 17 – Numb Vagina

“I want to try something,” Gavin tells me later that night as we lie curled up together on his bed.

All in all, losing my virginity went pretty well, if I do say so myself. There was no awkward silence after it was over and nothing felt weird at all. It just felt … right. Everything feels right, aside from the fact that I had sex with my best friend and I haven’t come clean yet about what I did to get us to this point. Gavin assumes I broke up with Rocco. Gavin doesn’t know Rocco is my g*y fake boyfriend and that I used Rocco just to make him jealous. How in the hell does one even start an admission like that? I need more time to figure this out before I tell him. Not a lot of time, just enough to make him fall madly in love with me and not care about the fact that I deceived him.

Gavin’s palm runs up the inside of my thigh and I forget all about my fake boyfriend.

“I’m pretty sure you already tried that and it was a success.” I laugh as he pushes my skirt out of the way and runs his fingertips along the edge of my underwear.

Kissing my cheek, he scoots his body down the bed and situates himself between my legs with his chin resting on my thigh. I watch his face as he stares at his fingers that continue to lightly skim over my underwear. My breath catches at his fierce concentration. He places a kiss on the inside of my thigh and then kisses his way up my leg, his fingers working their way under the edge of my underwear.

“What are you doing?” I whisper, following it up with a soft moan when he pulls my underwear to the side and then presses his lips right to my clit.

“Shh, just close your eyes,” he tells me.

I have no choice when I feel his tongue dart out and circle me. My eyes close automatically and I arch my back as he licks me slowly.

So this is what I’ve been missing all these years. Holy Jesus.

He flattens his tongue and adds more pressure as he laps at me, like he’s licking an ice cream cone. A vagina-flavored ice cream cone. Dairy Queen should put that on their menu. I would buy one for Gavin every single day.

He leans in closer and his lips join his tongue as he sucks and licks at me. It feels amazing … for about ten seconds. And then something weird happens. I know he’s still down there because I’ve opened my eyes and I’m staring right at the top of his head between my legs, but suddenly, I don’t feel him there anymore. I see his head moving, I witness his tongue darting out every few seconds as he goes to town on me, but I feel nothing. This isn’t a dream is it? One of those weird wet dreams where you’re just about to come and then wake up? What the f**k is going on?

Bringing my hands up to my face, I rub my palms roughly against my eyes, pulling them away and looking back down between my legs.

Okay, I’m awake and this isn’t a dream. Am I suddenly paralyzed from the waist down? Oh holy shit, I’ve just gone paraplegic! I read about that happening to a woman in Brazil. She was just sitting there at the dinner table when all of a sudden she couldn’t feel her legs, and now she’s in a wheelchair. I DON’T WANT TO BE IN A WHEELCHAIR THE REST OF MY LIFE! Can o**l s*x cause paralysis?

Glancing over to the nightstand next to Gavin’s bed, I see my iPhone. He’s still busy so it’s not like he’s going to notice if I pull up Google on my phone. I can wiggle my toes so it can’t be that bad.

Damn, I need a pedicure. I should schedule one for tomorrow.

I haven’t made any encouraging noises in a few minutes; I should probably do that so Gavin doesn’t think anything is amiss. I don’t want him to never do this again. The first couple of seconds were mind-blowing. Maybe that’s how o**l s*x is. You have to build up your tolerance for it. Maybe next time he does this, I’ll feel it for thirty seconds. Then after that, a full minute.

Fuck, why did I put my phone so far out of reach?

“Oh yeah, just like that,” I say, trying to keep the boredom out of my voice.

Do you have to wait a certain amount of time between orgasms? Maybe it’s like swimming after eating. Lifting my arm up, I check my watch. It’s been two hours since my last orgasm. Is that too soon to have another one?

“You taste so good, baby,” Gavin says in between licks.

“Um, thanks?” I mutter.

It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy that he called me baby. Too bad that warmth doesn’t travel to my vagina. What if it’s broken? Did we break it when I lost my virginity?

“Mmmmm, yeah,” I add in a breathy voice so he doesn’t stop.

I’ve heard girls say that in pornos when they’re getting oral. That sounds about right. I don’t want to tell him to stop. What if he thinks I don’t like what he’s doing? I’m assuming I would like what he’s doing if I could feel it. He’s got a great tongue and he knows how to use it. I think.