I looked at Big Roy as I tried to get him to stop. “Stop it, boy. No! We aren’t going for a ride.” I rolled my eyes and hurried like hell to get my clothes back on.

Big Roy took a few steps back, and I was finally able to get my panties on. I heard Jeff talking to Garrett, but I couldn’t tell what they were saying.

How does this man always know when we’re having sex?

Just then, Big Roy pushed me hard on my back, making me fall forward…right into a pile of horse shit.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, that did not just happen to me!

I turned and looked at him. He was moving his head up and down.

“It’s true—y’all are nothing but big fucking dogs! You’re supposed to be on my side, you bastard—not standing there, laughing at me in your horse way,” I whispered.

Then, I heard them talking.

“Ellie was looking for you and Ari. They’re fixin’ to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to Alex, and Gunner told me to check the barn for you and Ari,” Garrett said.

I slowly got up and moved away from the giant pile of shit as I shook my head. Gunner! Oh…oh…your ass is mine. He must have seen Jeff and me heading down here.

“Awesome! Thanks, Garrett. Yeah, I, um…I’ve been looking for Ari. I’ll give her a few minutes, and if she doesn’t show up, I’ll head on up.”

Garrett said something else to Jeff that I couldn’t make out. I closed my eyes and began to plot my revenge on Gunner.

“What in the fuck?” Jeff said.

I looked up at him. I was itching everywhere, and I had horse shit all over my shirt. My warm and happy just-fucked feeling was gone, completely and utterly gone.

“Yep. I was trying to get dressed, and this little fucker here pushed me into his own shit! My warm and happy just-fucked feeling is gone!” I yelled out.

Big Roy started bouncing his head up and down again.

I jumped up and said, “Look! He’s laughing at me. I swear to you, he did it on purpose.”

Jeff looked toward Big Roy, then down at the shit, and then back up at me. He busted out laughing. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open, wearing a shit-covered shirt and red polka-dot panties, while my own husband laughed at me.

“You think it’s funny?” I asked.

He started to nod. I reached down and picked up my shoes. Jeff opened the stall door, still laughing his ass off.

“I’m sorry, baby, but I can’t let you near the kids with horse shit all over you!” Jeff said as he placed his hands on his knees and continued to laugh.

Uh-huh, I see how this is going to be. “Is that a fact? You think this is pretty funny, huh?”

“Holy shit, Ari! Oh man,” Jeff said as he wiped away the tears.

Tears! He is laughing so hard that he has tears.

I slowly smiled and started laughing.

“See! You can’t help but laugh, too,” Jeff said.

I quickly walked up to him and slammed my body against his. I wrapped my arms around him and held on for dear life.

“What in the hell, Ari? Get off of me!”

Jeff tried like hell to get me off of him, but I was holding on like my life depended on it. We ended up losing our balance, and we fell to ground where I crawled on top of him and pushed his hands down and over his head. He slowly smiled as I felt his erection up against me.

He said, “He’s ready again.”

I couldn’t help but smile back as I rubbed myself against him. Oh god…I could totally—

“Ari…what in the hell are you doing?”

I snapped my head up and saw my father standing there with his hands on his hips, looking rather pissed.

Jeff pushed me off of him. He jumped up and took about three steps away from me.

Pussy.

“Dad, um…I was…well, we were…”

I looked at Jeff, who was clearly not going to offer to help me out with an explanation. It was then that I realized I was standing in my panties. Shit! Shit! Shit! I quickly pulled on my jeans and slipped my sneakers back on.

The whole time, my dad was giving the dirtiest looks to Jeff. I couldn’t help but giggle.

“Jeff and I came down to see the horses, and I…I, um…”

My dad walked closer and stopped right in front of me. “Is that…horse shit on you?” He looked over at Jeff. “And why in the hell is it on you, too? What in the world were you two doing?” He instantly stopped talking.

He closed his eyes and let out a breath as he shook his head. “Okay, I understand you’re married with two kids now…but really? Sex in the barn…at your niece’s first birthday party?” He turned and looked at Jeff. “What in the hell is wrong with you, Johnson?”

Jeff’s mouth dropped open, and that was when I knew I was in trouble.

Don’t talk. Just don’t talk, Jeff.

“What? Why do you always assume it’s my fault?” Jeff asked.

I stepped in between Jeff and my father. “It’s okay, Jeff. Let’s just head on back up—”

My dad gently pushed me out of the way as he pointed his finger at Jeff. “Because, nine times out of ten, it is your fault.”

“Oh…oh, real nice. Well, it just so happens that it wasn’t my fault this time,” Jeff said.

I tried desperately to get him to stop talking. “Jeff, it’s okay, really. I’m sure Ells and Gunner can give us a change of clothes, and—”

“Why do you both have horse shit on you? And why was my daughter sitting on top of you, half-naked, you ass?”

Oh shit. Jeff has that look.

“First off, it was your daughter who propositioned me for sex in the first place.”

My mouth dropped open, and I couldn’t move. He did not just say that!

“Being the good husband that I am, I wasn’t about to let her down, so I brought her to the barn.”

Stop. Talking.

“We heard Garrett, and Ari was half-naked, so I pushed her into Big Roy’s stall before Garrett walked in. Roy was obviously in a playful mood, and he nudged Ari. She…well, she…she lost her balance and went into the…”

He’s gonna start laughing! Oh my god. He’s actually going to start laughing again.

Even though he tried to contain it, Jeff let out a small laugh. I didn’t know what to be more pissed about—the fact that he’d just told my father we’d fucked in the barn or that he was laughing because I had fallen in horse shit.

My dad stood there for a second, just staring at Jeff. “Jeff…son…there are some things you just don’t tell the father of your wife. You’ll start to understand this more when Grace grows up, but in the meantime, from now on…let’s just keep you and my daughter’s sexual encounters to yourself, shall we?”