They’re unsurprised by most of the things that tumble out of my mouth with all the finesse of a sheltered virgin attempting dirty talk for the first time. Kudos to me for shocking Manella, because he finally looks something other than tired or bored.

“Is it my maturity that is shocking all of you?” I muse. “I can forgive and forget,” I add very assuredly.

“Shit,” one of the twins says.

Side note, I really do need to learn their individual names. Seems rude not to know their names, since we’re apparently family and they didn’t kill me.

“We really are fucking dead,” the other one states as though he’s finishing the first’s sentence.

“Were all our family meetings so dire and cryptic in the past?” I chirp, needing a point of reference as I try to liven the group up before I take another shot at Lilith. Or maybe Hera this time.

You can’t go attacking your long lost sister a third time unless people are still in laughing moods.

Before anyone can answer, there’s a loud, ominous ringing, sounding eerily like church bells. My eyes swing up like the bells have magically appeared above my head. I half expect a hunchbacked hell boy to be swinging from a giant rope and shouting something about sanctuary.

Don’t worry, there are no literal bells. Just creepy bell sounds with no physical manifestation.

All good. All good.

What is my life?

“Looks like the family reunion is just getting started,” Lucifer says with a bitter smile. “Time to relocate.”

Something dark prickles my spine before a shot of white light blinds me.

Chapter 8

“We’re in purgatory,” I let the guys know as I peer around at the grayish hue of the canyon-filled landscape surrounding us.

I have no idea how we got here. Did the church bells send us here?

“Excellent powers of observation, comoara trădătoare,” Ezekiel states blandly, his eyes scanning the same wasteland as mine, while a tumbleweed tumbles by like a bad cliché in a western wanna-be movie.

“Being observational is one of my heavier purities,” I tell him without missing a beat.

Kai gives me an incredulous look. “You just made that up,” he accuses with a barely suppressed grin.

“She’s telling the truth,” Jude says distractedly. “I’ve memorized all her purities and impurities,” he adds.

“Guess who’s my favorite now,” I say in a singsong voice as I turn around and start walking, wondering why we were left alone out here and where everyone else went.

“We should probably stay put,” Ezekiel states reasonably, even as he follows me.

“I don’t like staying put in purgatory, because things pop out of the ground and eat you,” I say with a shudder. “Big monsters are loud when they move underground. At least they can’t sneak up on you so easily if you’re moving, and I’m starting to wonder if those bells were dinner bells.”

“So now you’ve cycled back to the Devil as the prime suspect, despite the killer angel proclamation,” Ezekiel says from my side as he keeps a vigilant eye on our surroundings.

“Excellent powers of observation you have there, War,” I retort, smirking at him when he looks over and rolls his eyes at me.

“Pettiness is one of her impurities,” Gage points out, the edges of his lips turning up with arrogance. “I have that memorized as well. Does that make me your new favorite?”

I know he’s just being a smartass, but I still answer seriously. “Until that girl is informed of the fact you’re with me, you can’t be my favorite, because you’re her favorite.”

He groans and drops his head back as the others just shake their heads. They’re not subtle; you can tell they enjoy it when it’s not them I’m giving hell.

Ha! Gotta love my inner hell puns.

“That’s her I-just-made-a-cheesy-Death-pun face,” Kai says, winking. “Now who’s your favorite?”

“Actually, it was a hell pun, but you can be my favorite just because you’re so pretty,” I state with all seriousness. “Especially in a skirt.”

His eyes narrow on me, as Ezekiel snorts.

“Can anyone siphon?” Jude asks.

“I can’t even go phantom,” I say, distracted by the subtle tremors in the ground beneath me.

The conversation is interrupted when I scream like a pansy ass little girl at the same time something roars so loud it actually hurts my ears. Whirling around, I see the ground breaking up and gray dust spraying into the air like Tremors just came to life. I hear the ground beneath my feet groaning in pain, as that beastly, likely enormous, certainly intimidating thing races toward us with outrageous speeds and hellacious roars with an admirably horrifying sense of fearlessness.

I think this thing is definitely bigger than those monstrous centipede imposters who pop up like rabid Jacks-in-the-Boxes…

“Can someone let it know I’m The Apocalypse before it crashes into us?” I suggest. “Maybe it’ll run?”

“You going to charge it fearlessly?” Jude asks from beside me, twirling his bo staff until the scythe blade shoots out.

“I think an old-fashioned beheading is the way to go this time,” I decide, not feeling so fearless right at this moment. “Even better, do your death funnel thingy,” I add, tugging on one of his leather straps that crosses over his shoulder.

“Your power naming skills are—”

His words are cut off as he’s launched into the air. Something crashes into my back so hard it feels like all the bones in my body break and heal in simultaneous, excruciatingly painful actions.

It takes a second to realize I’ve been forced airborne as well. It’s painfully obvious when I skip across the abrasive sand like an overachieving pebble on a quiet lake’s surface.

A scream tears from my throat as I roll to the side, heaving for air as my lungs try to recover. My ears are ringing as the taste of blood enters my mouth, and through a fog, I see some five-headed beast that would have made dinosaurs seem small as it rears up, only partially out of the ground.

So many teeth snap as it spits and hisses at something, hovering over me as I try to rock up to my knees, too dizzy to get my bearings as I crash back to the ground.

Rolling onto my back, I internally curse the stupid fucking beast that damn near killed me. Again.

“I really hate dying,” I say through strain as something hot starts sizzling around me. Under me.

Kai slides in front of me, stabbing the seemingly invincible monster with his triton. Ashes form all around the wound before healing almost instantly.

“That’s really not fucking good,” he bites out as Jude slashes at the beast over and over again.

My eyes dart over, finding the blurry images of Ezekiel and Gage fighting an identical beast—the one that was hellaciously loud and distracted us from its twin while it hit us from behind.

We were just hunted. How did The Apocalypse and the Four Horsemen become the prey?

My eyes focus back on the one that narrowly misses Jude, and something slithers out of me with more force than I’ve felt yet.

The beast shrieks seconds before flames engulf it, and it roars that ear-splitting, thunderous sound once more, which only pisses me off again. I’m going to be deaf because of this stupid fucking thing.

The smell of charred monster can only be described as the most rancid, disgusting, putrid scent I’ve ever had to withstand in my short existence. It’s all I can do not to wretch as it crashes to the ground. I’m forced to roll out of the way because I can’t seem to go phantom no matter how many times I try.

“The Devil blocked it,” I say to myself, spitting out blood as I stagger to my feet, using the corpse of the flaming monster—that is still slightly jerking around like a detached lizard tail—to balance myself.

Master of balance my ass.

The flames simply pass over me, not hurting me the way it does the beast.

I glance over to see the twin beast falling down when all four of the guys use their power on it at once, channeling it through their new weapons.

Why is Lucifer doing this? It makes me question everything I thought we’d just figured out, and he’s now definitely back on the suspect list. I was just joking earlier.

Now I know better than to make jokes about that unpredictable, evil son of a—

Another make-me-cringe-and-piss-me-off slice of pain interrupts my inner rant so I can whimper a little and be a baby.

I lean back on the section of the beast that isn’t flopping around. Is it a severed piece?

Who knows?

Who cares?

Hearing is difficult, I hurt all over, and I can’t stand without wobbling. Glancing down, I see my knee at an odd angle, and my stomach roils. It’s just one more point of pain at this moment.

Closing my eyes, I mutter, “That’s probably the reason I can’t seem to walk.” Exhaling harshly, I loudly add, “Someone fix this before we have to run again and I can’t!”

Gage curses, and I startle when I feel hands sliding up my leg with a falsely soothing motion.

“This is going to hurt.”

“Observational too, eh?” I bite out. “Just get it over with, already. The waiting is the—”

My words end on a swallowed scream of pain that I barely manage to hold in, as the searing hot misery shoots through my leg, hitting every sensory nerve along the way. I think some new nerves are even created along the way just to maximize the agony.