“Sounds very meager as far as comparisons go. If you’re protecting us regardless, despite the fact we’ve survived just fine for many, many years without you, then all we really get is to sex you up and fulfill your fantasies,” Jude states dryly.

A hint of a grin forms on my lips.

“Gage was only with Ezekiel. They could have both taken me, if you know what I mean,” I state with dark humor in my eyes.

Kai’s smile falters, and Jude’s eyes narrow.

“I could have had her too, and there was no one in the room besides me,” Kai grinds out, cracking his neck to the side.

I hold Jude’s gaze as I remind him, “You can’t have any other girl without each other in the room. Except me. You can have me individually, and share when you want to share. That’s the tradeoff.”

His entire expression blanks, like he doesn’t want me to see anything in his eyes or his features to clue me in on where his mind goes. Kai shoves Gage away, taking his place as he gets in front of me.

“What’s my incentive if you’re icing me out?” he asks coldly.

“Work for it, and who knows, maybe I’ll let you have me too,” I say with a false bravado that wavers on the end.

Sheesh, he’s really gorgeous when that intense stare is on you because he wants what he can’t have. It has me questioning just how weak I might actually be once this thing gets started.

He pushes off. “I’m not in,” Jude finally says with a shrug. “Individually, we’ll get greedy, selfish, even combative. Look at what happened to E. I say we stick to how things have been, and you learn not to be in front of us in flesh. Otherwise, we’ll ask you to leave permanently. If you stay, that precious life of yours might just end before it truly begins.”

It’s always Jude who cuts the deepest. I’m not sure why I keep expecting anything else.

It’s like it sobers all of them, and I see the renewed determination in their eyes.

“Then we go on as we have been. Stay out of my room,” I say tightly.

“Don’t tell us where you’ll be,” Kai groans, raking a hand over his face. “We don’t do well with temptation.”

“Fine.”

I zap myself to the basement where they never go, and finally stagger in my new physical form, collapsing to a couch. I had planned on leaving the estate to keep them away from me. I’m not quite as irresistible in reality as I was in fantasy.

I also had no idea this level of exhaustion could exist.

If I’m a gift from Lilith, that means I lose something each time I earn something new. What if I have to fight this form more and more to keep my untouchable one? Or what if I lose something else that has been instrumental to my survival?

The comfort that encompasses me when I snuggle up with a blanket has me smiling despite the ache they left in my stomach. My life has revolved around them for so long, that I’m truly quite worried I won’t know how to exist without them.

And they’re never going to do more than tolerate me.

This snuggly blanket really is a miracle cure for staving off stupid tears.

When my stomach suddenly growls, I’m very freaking distracted from all thoughts of guys. It growls again, and a pang accompanies it.

Then a slow grin spreads across my face as I glance to the basement kitchenette, staring at the fridge. Though they never actually come down here and stay down here, they do use that fridge for storing leftovers a lot.

In the next instant, I’m wobbling on unsteady legs all the way to the fridge. As I’m scrambling to pull out a box of pizza, a thought occurs to me.

It might have been a little harder for them to turn down the offer if I had been wearing something sexier than the Pinocchio outfit.

My mind turns to mush when I bite into the pizza, feeling something so satisfying ignite in my mouth with a touch of surprise and savoring flavor. A little cold on the teeth, which I hadn’t anticipated, since I’ve never felt cold before.

Yet I know what it is, so I can assume I’ve felt cold and forgotten it. Even the pizza seems familiar, in a unique, sensory sort of way.

It almost startles me when I realize that the moan in the room is coming from me. If pizza is making me moan, then I can only imagine what it would feel like to have an orgasm.

Pizza still in my mouth, I touch my stomach, feeling a grin light my features as a surge of excitement bursts through me.

I can touch myself.

I practically inhale the rest of the pizza, then grab a glass of water to choke it all down as fast as I can. It’s not pretty, but it sure as hell works.

I try to make my clothes change, but it doesn’t happen. So I just tear them off and toss them aside, still working on unsteady legs.

I drop back down to the couch, my hand trembling as I slide it down my body. Even my touch is almost too much. My memory from the first time Ezekiel was watered down by my mind to keep me from missing it so much.

My mind goes back to all the women they asked to do this so they could watch. It sounds creepier than it is.

It was actually really hot.

And informative.

Half of it is immediate instinct when my fingers brush over the very sensitive clit I completely underestimated. My eyes flutter shut, and those fantasies flash through my mind.

In my head, they said yes, and Ezekiel is already starting me out by sucking my nipples.

I use my free hand to try and mimic how I think it might feel, and it’s like a shot to my lower body. Biting down on my lip so as not to make too much noise, I start slow circles, imagining Gage’s face between my thighs as he works that glorious mouth of his on me.

My imagination kicks it up a notch by letting Jude kiss me while Ezekiel continues on with his mouth. And I have Kai in the corner, watching me, his hand stroking slowly, matching a rhythm I’ve requested.

It’s so much more intense when I can actually feel the physical touch and the overwhelming sensations crossing over me all at once.

I immediately know what an orgasm is when one crashes into me so forcefully that I’m forced to arch, my toes involuntarily curling as an unbidden, rasp cry is pulled from my throat.

When I open my eyes, they cross, and the sound of my panted breaths resonate in my ears as I try to breathe normally again. A stupid, uncontrollable smile spreads across my lips, and I stretch, feeling remarkably less stressed and addictively relaxed.

If that’s an orgasm, I’m going to have as many as I possibly can until the day I die.

It’s so much better than I imagined, even though there is a small, annoyingly hollow feeling stealing a little of my high.

That pizza sounds good right now, so I sit up, planning to eat another slice before round two.

But I freeze.

All four of them are perched up on the stairs or walls, staring. Jude’s hands are gripping the banister so hard that there are indentions on the cracking wood.

Ezekiel has his hands clenched in fists, and it looks like he wants to strangle me.

Kai is leveling me with a look that is equal parts murderous and captivating as his arms cross over his chest.

Gage is gripping the bar, and he’s the first to turn and look away.

Now I know what it’s like to have an audience you’re unaware of. It’s a little embarrassing. And terrifying, in my case.

“Hide better,” Jude finally says through a sardonic, annoyed grin before he walks down the rest of the stairs and pushes out through the basement door that leads to the outside on this side of the house.

“Okay,” I manage to say on a rasp whisper.

By some miracle, I manage to go ghost and zap myself to the woods. I pick a new outfit while in this form before zapping to the waterfall just beyond here. The new whole form takes over as soon as I end up on the smooth rocks.

That are slippery.

A laughing scream is jerked out of me when I slip off the rocks and land in the cool water that feels…amazing. My eyes open in wonder as I look around, taking it all in.

The white silk gown turns out to be a terrible choice. It’s clingy as hell and very transparent in the water.

But I don’t care.

It’s just me out here, and I’m fairly shameless as I pick out a perfect boulder to lie down on for my next orgasm.

Chapter 23

Fun fact: orgasms don’t get old. However, I’m already desperate to graduate to a two-person orgasm.

Yes, I think about more than sex. But imagine discovering sex for the very first time. I’ve read about teenagers, so I don’t feel one bit ashamed about my current obsession.

However, the guys sure as hell haven’t come around. In fact, they’ve made it easy to adjust to my new form this past week because they’ve avoided me more than I’ve avoided them.

I tried leaving the house. It was a terrible thing to attempt, since I sort of got lost fifteen times, and kept having to zap back and forth. Ezekiel finally asked me not to leave without them, since I have no idea how easy to kill I may or may not be.

Another fun fact: I heal as fast as they do. I cut open my finger with a kitchen knife, and the wound sealed almost immediately. I wasn’t a fan of the pain, but it was a good learning exercise.

Don’t worry, I know their weapons won’t allow me to heal as fast.

I’ve seen them in action, so I go ghostly when they’re strapped with weapons and off to reap some souls. They’ve done a lot of reaping this past week, staying gone longer and longer.