I walk slowly over toward the corral and hold myself together. “Boys,” I say with a smile.

“Mom!” Logan rushes over. “Look! This is mine and that’s Cayden’s new horse!”

“Whoa!” I’m taken aback. “I didn’t know you got your own horses.”

“Isn’t it awesome?”

“It sure is! Did you name them?”

“No! Cay!” Logan yells over to his brother. “We have to name them!”

The boys run off, trotting them around the ring. I smile. Each time the horse does something new, they both come to life. It reminds me of the Christmas that Todd and I got them each the bikes they wanted. We had to bundle them in five layers so they could ride in the freezing cold.

“I can’t believe Cooper and my daddy could afford this,” I say to myself.

I look at Zach, and he smiles. “Well, your dad bought two new horses, but I thought that maybe the boys would like their own too.”

“You did this?” I ask. “You gave them two horses?”

“They can’t live on a farm without a horse.”

“Zach,” I whisper, “it’s too much.”

My heart swells with appreciation. Horses are not cheap. The Hennington Horse Farm has always been extremely lucrative. They breed, train, board, and sell some of the top horses in the state. The gesture is beyond anything I deserve. The last time we saw each other, I slapped him. Yet, here he is, giving each of my kids a horse. It reminds me of the boy I fell in love with.

“I remember being a kid. I can’t imagine this is easy for them. A horse can be a great therapy tool. Think about how many nights we’d take off just to free our minds. I figured with their dad, a new home, and not knowing anyone . . .”

I feel like such a bitch. Here he is going out of his way for my kids, and I wanted to come out here and punch him in the face. I look over at the boys as they pet their new horses. “Thank you, Zach. I truly don’t know what to say. I’m really blown away.”

“Just say, ‘Thank you, Zachary.’” He pauses, smiling. “‘You’re the kindest, most handsome man I’ve ever known.’”

I laugh. “Still living in a delusional world.”

We both stand there, watching the boys. Wyatt hops in the ring with them and shows them a few tips.

“Are you sure about this? It’s a lot of money. If it’s a problem, we can work something out.”

“Absolutely not.”

“You really didn’t have to do this.”

“I really did. I wanted to do this for them. And for you.”

He doesn’t even know them, but he always had a big heart and a soft spot for kids.

“I wish I could pay you.”

Zach’s hand grips my upper arm. “I wouldn’t let you.”

I look at where his skin touches mine, and we both step back. “Look, what happened two weeks ago—”

“Let’s not,” I reply quickly. The last thing I want to do is talk about that damn car ride home. It’s only going to bring up unwanted emotions.

He sighs and looks away. “The more we keep pretending, the worse this keeps getting. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“No. You shouldn’t’ve.”

“I know you’re not ready.”

“Not ready?” I laugh. “Not ready for what? For the fact that you have a girlfriend? Not ready because my husband died less than six months ago? Or maybe it’s because we haven’t seen each other in, ohhh.” I pause, counting off in my head. “seventeen years.”

“I’m not saying I want to be together, Presley. I mean, you’re not ready to forgive me for something that you know was the right choice. Or at least the choice anyone would’ve made.”

I sigh and close my eyes. ’Round and ’round we go.

“Right for you, Zach. It was the right choice for you . It’s a common theme in my life.” It hits me right then. I love men who choose themselves above me.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that it wasn’t the best choice for us. It wasn’t what I wanted. It was what you wanted. If you hadn’t dragged me out there and left, it could’ve been different. I’m not angry because you took it, I’m angry because you decided our life without even talking to me.”

He shakes his head and pushes the air from his lungs. “You couldn’t be any more wrong about that. You think that choice wasn’t for the both of us? I could’ve given you everything. The money I was going to make would’ve given us the life we dreamt of.”

He’s being delusional. Zach wouldn’t have started in the majors. He thought the money would have been there, but he forgets that Triple-A ball players barely make a living wage. Plus, I wasn’t ready to live that life. We had talked about him entering the draft after his senior year, not the beginning of his junior year. We would’ve had almost three years together by the time everything had worked out. Then, to find out he did it all without a word—hurt.

All I wanted was a say in how our life would go.

I don’t speak as my chest heaves. I am so tired of this goddamn merry-go-round. I want off. This is in the past, yet we keep bringing it to the present. “Can we stop? Please? There’s a lot I would change about how we handled things in our past. I don’t want to be angry anymore.”

He steps forward. “I was thinking of you.” His voice is hushed. “I thought about how I could finally be the man you saw.”

“I don’t want to do this.”

“I was ready to give you everything. I could give you everything.”

“Now you can give it to Felicia.”

Zach rears back. “I told her everything.”

My heart races. “She forgave you?”

He studies me. “She understands this is difficult for both of us. Felicia isn’t the girl you remember.”

“Maybe not. I don’t know . . . she seems the same to me.”

“I get it now.” Zach’s deep voice seems amused.

“Get what?”

“You don’t want me. You’ve made that clear, but you don’t want anyone else to have me. Did you think I’d live alone and pine over you, Presley?”

Again, we go one step forward and two steps back. Of course I didn’t think that. I wished it, but I didn’t think it would happen. I tried very hard not to think of Zach. Because loving him nearly broke me apart. Even all these years later when I think of him, my heart yearns for him. Zach is the piece of my soul that’s been missing. But he’s not mine anymore.