“No,” I agree. “You’re not.”

That doesn’t mean I can talk about this. I’ve buried parts of that day so deep, I don’t even know where to find them. Bringing it up, facing it, could wreck me all over again. The nightmares and the visions of my husband are painful. Right now I’m angry. I’ve held on to that feeling to get through the days. To bring back the sadness would be too difficult.

“All I’m asking is that you don’t treat me like them. As worried as you are about what our future might—or might not—hold, I’m feeling the same shit, Pres. I’m fully aware that I was the one who left. I live with that regret every damn day. But you fucking broke me.”

I look over with a ton of questions. “I broke you?”

“Yeah.” He looks heavenward before his gaze locks on me. “I loved you. You were the reason I was taking that position with the Dodgers. I wasn’t doing it just for me!”

“I know you think that. If I had left that college for you, I would’ve been a fool. People already thought I was for giving up the school I wanted to follow you. I didn’t want to spend my entire life chasing your dreams. There’s no way we could’ve done another two plus years with you traveling, the girls throwing themselves at you, and me finishing school.”

He rubs his shoulder as he takes a minute to respond. “We could’ve lasted. Or maybe not. We won’t ever know because you didn’t give us that chance. You think I’m the only one to blame?”

“I have for a long time. I felt like I was dying inside without you. You were such a deep part of who I was that when you left I was empty. Todd was visiting Angie that weekend and he held me while I sobbed. It’s how we became anything. He held together the pieces of me that you destroyed.”

There’s truth in what he said before. The minute he left—I gave up. I was young and dumb too, and I jumped right into a relationship with Todd. God, I was so afraid of being alone.

But my life with Todd wasn’t bad. We had love, children, happiness, and I would’ve grown old with him.

“I would’ve held you.”

“Not from California,” I remind him.

“No, I guess not.”

We fall silent as we ride slowly. There are things that I need to deal with to move forward. Not only with Zach, but in my life. He’s right to be wary. My heart is still heavy with loss but also filled with anger toward so many.

Our history runs deep, and the scars aren’t superficial. They’re branded into who I am and have shaped the deformity that is my heart.

I can’t just move on.

I can’t just forget.

Then those wounds were reopened by my husband. The man who was supposed to be there through the good times and bad. The vows we took and the life we shared are no more.

“What are you thinking?” Zach asks.

“I’m thinking about you, Todd, me, and whether I can move on from any of it,” I say honestly. “There are a lot of things between us. A lot of history, and it’s not as simple as just trying again.”

He nods. “I didn’t think it would be.”

“Then what did you think?”

Zach sighs and stops moving. “Wyatt,” he calls out. “Presley and I will be there in a minute.”

I look over confused. “We can’t . . .”

“We’ll only be a few minutes,” he says as he climbs off the horse. He holds my reins while looking up at me. “Come down.”

His voice is commanding. I swing my leg over, but my other foot gets stuck. I almost fall, but Zach’s strong arms snag me. My hands rest against his broad chest, feeling his heart beat beneath my fingers. We don’t move. Neither of us do anything except look into the other’s eyes. His arm tightens as he holds me even closer.

I want to kiss him and feel his lips against mine. The battle is clear in his eyes.

“We’ve kissed twice now.” His voice is low and raspy. “Once I attacked you, then you attacked me.” His brow raises and I smile. “The next time, though, I don’t want either of us holding back.”

“And what if I kissed you right now?” I ask breathlessly. Every cell in my body is awake with desire. Touching him, being in his arms, is everything I remember. Only he’s stronger, sexier, and right in front of me.

He grins and moves his head toward mine. “Then I’ll take that as your swing.”

Can I resist? It’s Zachary. He’s always been a part of my soul. I don’t know that I can walk away—even if I want to. I had lived my life without him once, I’d survive it again, but I think I’d regret not trying.

“Zach,” I whisper. A part of me is stalling. The other part is asking for him to tell me what to do.

He leans in closer and my eyes close. But instead of his lips touching mine, he kisses my forehead. “I can’t tell you if you’re ready, Pres. I can only tell you that I’ve always loved you. I’ve always closed my eyes and seen you beside me. It was never over.”

“What about all the crap between us?”

“Like what?”

“Like the fact that I have two small boys who just lost their father. I’m still fucked-up from it. That I have no money and had to move home. I’ve been through so much trauma in the last six months that I can’t sleep. Everything hurts.” My eyes fill with tears. “I’m so tired of hurting. And you scare me. You can hurt me worse than you know.”

I feel the acceleration in his heart. His blue eyes are soft and warm. “I can’t guarantee that this will work. I would be lying if I said there weren’t obstacles. I know you have Cayden and Logan. I would never try to start something with you if I didn’t want your kids to be a part of my life.” He pulls me tighter. “I’ll be their friend. I’ll let them get to know me and see how not all the Henningtons are idiots.” We both laugh as I shake my head.

“Well,” I say jokingly.

“I know your husband died, and how. As for you being broke . . .” He stops for a moment. “I don’t give a fuck. Your lack of money or if you were rich doesn’t hold any weight here. I want to see where this goes, and if it works, I want to take care of you. There’s a lot of shit we have to work through. This isn’t going to be easy, darlin’.”