I'd always suspected that most men thought that abortion was almost a sacrament, a gift generously bestowed on them by Heaven to make their lives uncomplicated and pleasant. To deal with nasty little nuisances, like children, which might interfere with their life of gay bachelorhood.

Of course there's always the crowd who get all sanctimonious and self- righteous and say that abortion is murder. You'll find that the men who are quite happy to say this are the ones whose girlfriends aren't pregnant. But the minute their women have an "accident" and are with child, it's usually a very different story.

404

They're often the very first to tentatively suggest that maybe now is not the right time to have a baby and that there's nothing to an abortion, really. That it's easier than having a tooth out. And that in most cases you don't even have to stay overnight. And there's no need to feel guilty because, at this stage, it's not even a child, just a few cells. And that they'll come with her and pick her up afterward. And maybe in a few weeks they'll go away for a weekend to help her get over it. And then, before the woman knows what's happening to her, she's lying on an operating table in an expensive "clinic" wearing a paper gown that opens all the way up the back, with a needle stuck in her arm, counting down from ten.

Sorry, sorry! I got a little bit distracted there.

As you may have noticed, this is something I feel very strongly about, but maybe now isn't the time to go into it. Suffice it to say that Adam had me convinced that he wasn't one of those men.

But just one more thing and then I'll shut up. Show me a man who's pregnant, penniless and partnerless and then invite him to stand on the soapbox and tell me that he still thinks abortion is completely wrong. Hah!

Anyway, back to Adam the feminist.

He was still explaining, all anxious and earnest, staring at me with a be- seeching look in his beautiful eyes.

D'you know, he had the most gorgeous eyelashes? Really thick and long and...sorry.

Ahem.

"I said that if she had the baby, I'd do whatever I could to help," he said. "I promised I'd support her financially and that I was happy for the baby to live with me. Or with her. Or we could share. Whatever Hannah wanted. I wanted her to have the baby but I knew that at the end of the day the decision was hers. I couldn't decide for her and I didn't want to put pressure on her to have the child because I knew she was scared. She was only twenty-two."

"Oh dear," I said, "that's very sad."

"It was," he said miserably. "It was really awful."

"And then what happened?" I asked.

"Her parents got involved. And when they found out that we'd discussed her having an abortion, they went crazy. Fair

405

enough, I suppose. And they took her away, from my supposedly evil in- fluence, to their house in Sligo."

"Jesus," I said, imagining Hannah being locked up in a tower in the middle of nowhere like the princess with the long golden hair. "How awful. It's barbaric! Like something out of the dark ages."

"No," he said quickly, eager to put me right, "it wasn't that bad. They meant well. They only wanted the best for the baby. After all, it was their grandchild and they wanted to make sure that Hannah didn't have an abortion. But then they wouldn't let me talk to Hannah any time that I called. And they said that when the baby was born, I was to leave them alone."

"Are you serious?" I said, outraged. "I've never heard anything like that. Well, I suppose I have. But only about uncivilized, crazy people. And then what happened? Didn't this Hannah have any mind of her own? Didn't she tell these parents of hers where to get off? I mean, she was a grown woman!"

"Well," he said awkwardly, "then Hannah didn't want to see me either. I went to Sligo and she spoke to me and told me that she didn't want any- thing further to do with me and she didn't want me interfering when the baby was born."

"But why?" I cried.

"I don't really know," he said unhappily. "I think she felt very bitter that I wouldn't marry her. And she was angry with me for getting her pregnant. Her parents had convinced her that I must be the son of Satan to have thought about an abortion."

"I see," I said, "so what happened next?"

"I got legal advice to see what I could do. And, do you know what? I've got almost no rights at all. Practically none. But even if I could have insisted on my right to see my child, I didn't want it to be a vicious legal battle. I really couldn't believe that Hannah would do that to me. It was terrible."

He was silent for a few moments.

Kate was being suspiciously quiet, I thought in alarm. But she looked fine.

"The worst time of all was when the baby was born," Adam went on. "I didn't even know if it had been born or not.

406

I didn't know if it was healthy. I didn't know whether it was a boy or a girl. Then I called her house and her father told me that it was a girl and she was fine. And that Hannah was fine too. But he said she didn't want to speak to me."

"Isn't that awful?" I breathed.

"Yes, it was. And for a whole year I heard nothing," he said. "It was a nightmare. I was totally powerless."

My attention was distracted from Adam's sorry plight by the sound of feet pounding up the stairs. Then Helen burst into the room. She stared from me to Adam and back again. "What's going on here?" she asked in astonishment.

I went totally dumb. I couldn't speak. I didn't know what the hell to say to her.

Adam, in time-honored fashion, came to the rescue.

"Helen," he said gently, "would you mind giving me a few moments with Claire."

"Yes!" she said truculently. "I would mind."

A pause while she wrestled with her curiosity. Then she demanded, "Why?"

"I'll explain later," he said with a kindly look.

She stood at the door for a while, suspicion and jealousy written all over her exquisite little face.

"Five minutes," she said, throwing me a poisonous look as she flounced from the room.

"Oh God," I said, "you'd better go."

"No," he said, "she's already pissed off with me. I might as well stay and finish what I'm telling you."