She’s moved closer and takes my hands.

I freeze, realizing my voice had risen toward the end.

Then, I’m acutely aware of the feel of her skin against mine. Sparks zing along my nerve endings.

I stare down at our intertwined hands, my big ones and her small, delicate ones. My frustration crashes and dies, snuffed out by her touch.

“It’s okay to vent. Anger builds inside of us, especially with things we can’t control. Breathe. Tell me your three things.”

A small laugh escapes me. Oh, oh, she thinks I froze because I’m upset about my issues. Rainbow, that may have been it at first, but now…

She’s a River-whisperer runs through my head as I lean into her. She feels so good. Hesitant and unsure, her arms wrap around my waist and her forehead presses to my chest. She exhales, her face moving as her cheek rests against me.

Can she hear the fast beat of my heart?

I exhale a deep breath as I rest my chin on the top of her head and hold her against me.

It’s not a sexual touch; it’s accepting and real, and fucking alright. I’m not making any moves on her. This is legit friendship stuff. A hug. A comforting hold. One I wanted to do at the sunrise but resisted.

I’m totally okay, totally fine.

I’m not doing a damn thing wrong.

You are!

A bolt of pain shoots through my skull. “Dammit,” I groan.

“What’s wrong?” She looks up at me.

With reluctance, I shake my head and ease away from her to drop down to sitting on the bed.

“Headache. Tension. I reached my limit. At the worst possible time when I need to get this paper done. I get them on and off. This whole week is catching up with me…” My voice trails off and I grimace.

“What helps your head?”

I huff out a laugh as I rub my temples. “Ha. Not going there.”

She sits down next to me on the bed, her leg against mine. “Huh?”

“Sex helps, Anastasia. And it’s been a long time.”

She blinks rapidly. “Can I get you an Aleve?”

“I’m kidding.” Not. “It’s just… I need to relax to make it disappear. I go and go and go and then my body is like, Stop thinking so much.”

“Ah.” Her arm brushes against mine, and the blood rushes to my groin. Trying to be discreet, I shift my jeans around. That hug wasn’t just a friendly one… Jesus! What am I doing with her?

“I get it. You need your own restorative sex. Funny. One of the best quotes in Lady Chatterley’s Lover is from Oliver, ‘We fucked a flame into being.’ You think we can fuck your headache away?” She throws me a look.

“What?”

“Kidding. Seems to be the theme of the day. Look, I can leave, and you can call a girl—”

“No,” I mutter.

“Okay.”

I lie back and sprawl out on the bed.

She lies down next to me, and my breath stutters in my chest. She’s pushing me, pushing me…

We both stare at the ceiling of my room, which is pretty damn unremarkable. But it is clean.

And I’m not looking at her.

Because it’s dangerous.

Winning.

She props her arms behind her head. “Since you brought up sex—”

“Hello, it’s the topic of our paper—”

“—have you thought about us?” She pauses. “It’s just…that day in the kitchen was intense, right? Did I dream that?”

Damn. She went there.

“Never thought of us together,” I lie to the ceiling.

There’s a pause. “Oh. Well. That’s good. We’re total opposites.”

Are we?

I have my doubts. We’re both a little rudderless, both of us on the cusp of an uncertain future. She’s random as hell. So am I. She looks at people like she needs them, like she cares, and I hope I do too.

I turn my head and gaze at her. There’s a foot between us, but it feels like less. She’s gazing at me, a glint in her eye, and I wonder how long that’s been going on.

“You put on fresh lipstick,” I say softly. My eyes linger on her mouth, that full bottom lip, the little V in the upper part. Deep red. Soft.

I want to crush it.

“So what?” she asks.

“To come over here. To see me.”

“To help you. I didn’t put it on for you.”

“You looked to the left when you said that. That’s your tell when you lie. FYI, people generally look to the left when they lie.”

She props her head up with her palm. “Don’t comment on my lipstick—unless you plan on kissing me. It’s a rule. I just made it.”

I ease up and prop my head up like she did. “Serious talk: I guess we need rules. No kissing. We both know what will happen if I kiss you.”

“Hold on. You said you’d never thought about it.”

“I’m a dude—now I’m thinking about it.”

She curls her lips. “Huh. I can guess what would happen. You’d get grossed out and puke or die from the poison on my tongue. I’d faint from bliss because you are so awesome. Right?”

“If you’re trying to hit on me, mentioning puke is not the way to go—”

“Like I’d hit on you! Please. You’re the last man on earth I’d ever consider—”

“As I was saying, if we kissed, it would lead to us doing more, and that can never happen…” My voice trails off.

Her eyes search mine. “Donovan is your friend.”

“Not like Crew and Hollis and Benji, but yeah. We pledged together. He was there for me when one of the other pledges slept with my girlfriend. He supported me in getting him kicked out. We’ve spent over three years hanging out together as brothers.”

“He broke up with me in a horrible way,” she says with a defiant tilt of her chin.

“It just happened, and you’re hurting. Right now, you want to lash out at him, and I get that—I would too—but you can’t use me.”

“Jesus, get over yourself. I wasn’t going to! I made one little comment and you can’t let it go.” She jumps up off the bed and prowls around my room. She picks up the picture of my family and sighs. “Beautiful,” she murmurs, then heads to the closet, opens it, and gapes. I don’t even try to stop her. It’s not that bad.

“What are you thinking?” I ask as she walks back to the end of the bed.

“What I think, what I think…hmmm, you really want to know?”

“Yeah?” I say uneasily. I know I’m saying all the wrong shit, but I can’t seem to stop. Why did I bring up her lipstick? Why did I insinuate that she was hitting on me?

It’s me. Me. I’m poking the tiger, seeing where she is…

A hesitant expression crosses her face. “I’m not sure you can handle it. I’m not sure my ego can.”

“You can’t be vague like that. I think we’ve come a long way, so lay it out.”

She takes a deep breath. “Alright. You asked for it. I think we have some kind of connection. Like, I know this is crazy, but since day one in the library, there was something between us. Insta-hate? Insta-attraction?”

My heart pounds.