“Hey.” He straightens up in his seat, shuts his laptop, and grimaces. “Not much. Checking out Harvard, still looking for a place to live next fall. The good places fill up fast. All my exams are done, ’bout to head out. You?”

My eyes bounce around the room, taking in the framed picture he has of him and Anastasia on his nightstand. It was taken the night he pinned her. Part of me wants to pick it up and look at her face, but the other part wants to burn it to ashes.

He follows my gaze and runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah. Still haven’t put that away.” A long exhalation comes from his chest.

I brace myself, my voice stilted as I tell him the decision I came to. “This is it. My last day. My mom needs me. She won’t say it out loud, but she does.”

His eyes flare, and he stands, reading the serious vibe in my voice. “No way. I mean, I knew you were waffling, but I always figured you’d…”

“Come back to Braxton?”

“Yeah, at least next semester. Here take a seat. What about football?” He goes to move clothes to make room on his bed, and I shake my head and wave off his offer to sit. I’m too twitchy.

“Yeah, going to take my chances in the draft. Can we talk a minute?” Get in, say it, and get out.

“Sure.”

I look out his window and search for words. I leave my arms loose at my sides, pretending to be relaxed. I exhale. “You’re going to be president. The guys look up to you, you have leadership skills, and you’ll carry us through the spring. I might be able to get away and visit but…” it’s going to be hard. There’s a thousand miles between Vermont and Braxton. “…I’ll be focused on Mom, getting in shape for the combine, then the draft.”

He pushes his glasses up. “I’ll do a good job. I mean, you’ll be missed.” His mouth pulls down and an uncertain expression flashes on his face. “It feels like you’re building up to something.” He gets strangely still, then glances back at the photo. “Is this about Anastasia?”

I start at the name he uses, and he sees it, a hard expression growing on his face as he gives me a look.

“Like I didn’t notice. You never took your eyes off her.”

I tuck my hands into the pockets of my jeans. “Donovan, yeah.”

He swallows, his chest rising rapidly. “Just say it.”

Shit, here it comes. “I’m with her. I wanted you to know before people see us on the ski trip.”

His jaw pops, a flush rising on his cheeks. His brown eyes harden, his fists clenching. Ten long seconds pass. His eyebrows draw together. “So, this whole time…that night you were at her apartment, the time we talked about her in the basement, then the day of the party?” He stops and scrubs his face. “You told me to break up with her. You told me I needed space. Every conversation we had… Fuck me.”

“If you really needed her…” like I do “…it wouldn’t have mattered what I said. You would have ignored me.” My voice hardens.

He gets in my face, his finger jabbing me in the chest. “You’ve wanted her since day one.”

And I should have taken her!

Towering over him, I shove his shoulders with both hands, and he stumbles back. “Back off.”

He straightens up. “Or what? You’ll beat the shit out of me? Nice way to end us, River.”

“I’m not here to fight,” I tell him curtly. “I waited until it was over, and it is over.”

“It’s been a week! You’re not coming back and she’s staying!” he shouts. “How’s that going to work? I mean, are you serious about her?” Disbelief colors his words. Something he reads on my face makes his mouth open. “I don’t believe you. You’re a slut, River, and she’ll figure it out. You can’t keep it in your pants!”

“I did with her!” Barely.

He shakes his head. “So you’re like, what…in love with her?”

“Yes.”

The first time I saw her, before I even knew her name, something was born. I’m in love with the dreamer side of her, her quirky randomness, the way her eyebrows arch, her passion for books, her intelligence, the way she cares for others, no matter who they are. She’s a beginning for me, a future I want.

He paces around the room, stopping periodically to look at me and shake his head. An incredulous sound comes from his throat. “Jesus, you’re a joke as president. You two deserve each other. Enjoy. Just know I was there first and it was fucking spectacular.”

I slam my fist into his face and he falls back on the bed, holding his eye.

He grunts. “You’re a bastard, the worst kind of brother. You put a girl before us. Disloyal as hell.”

Maybe I was…

“It was worth it.”

“She’ll be here. You’ll be there. You can’t hang on to a girl like her.”

He’s hit a nerve, and my hands fist, longing to pound into him, all the pent-up worries I don’t want to think about flaring.

I think about my three things for myself, then I give him his.

“Do great at Harvard. Be a lawyer and help others. And leave us alone. One word to Anastasia, one thing, just one, and I’ll come back and fuck you up.”

I didn’t want this to be ugly, I didn’t, because he was my friend, but when it comes to matters of the heart, ties get severed, and I’m ripping this one right down the middle.

“Get out of my room,” he says as he stands.

“Gladly.” A long breath comes from me as I walk away and leave him there.

He doesn’t follow, and I hear the slam of his door as I hit the staircase.

Wrestling with my emotions for control, I take a seat on a step, my chest rising as I think about Anastasia. That ring of gold around her irises. The way she feels in my arms. Calm settles over me slowly, sinking into my bones.

After grabbing my things from my room and putting them in a duffle, I hit the basement and say hi to the pledges and a few brothers who are hanging around. I tell Benji I’m not coming back, but I can’t tell anyone else. If I make it public now, the media will catch on, then all hell will break loose. I give them hugs that signify This might be the last time I see you. Will Donovan drag my name through the mud? Probably, and it’s okay. The ones who know me, who see me for who I am, will get it.

She isn’t temporary.

She’s the ultimate goal.

Yeah, I’m leaving her, and I know it cuts her, it has to, but I have to.

An hour later, I walk out and stand in the front yard to look at the house, sadness tugging at me.

I came.

I saw.

I didn’t conquer.

But it’s time to move on.

Getting a degree was never my dream. Playing football and Anastasia are, and I’m going to do what Mom said: put my hands on it and take it, take it.

That afternoon, I pace around my house, my head tumbling. I’ve talked to Mom and Rae on the phone. I’ve touched base with Coach Taylor and we’ve made a plan to make an announcement to the press after the holidays. I’ve made some tweaks to my reservation at the ski lodge, and now I’m jonesing to see her. We only have a couple of days left.

When she shows up at my door, serenity replaces the nerves. Her cheeks are flushed as she beams and shows me the flat boxes and packing tape. She’s got a grocery bag looped over her arm. “I have supplies for last-minute packing and food for us tonight.”