“Let me.”

I do my best to relax when I feel his hand go to the knotted belt at my waist.  He works it loose with his nimble fingers and then slowly pulls one end until it falls away.

Next, I feel his skin brush mine at my chest.  He runs his hand along the inside of the lapel of the robe, opening it and pulling it away from my body all the way to my hip.

As light as the lavender scent emanating from my pores, Cash reaches up and eases the plush material over the ball of my shoulder, gently pressing his lips to the skin there.  “You smell so good.”

Ever so slightly, his hips tip into mine.  Desire gushes low into my belly when I feel his hardness press against me.

He drags his fingers along the skin of my arm, pushing the robe away as he goes.  I bend my elbow and pull my arm free of the sleeve.  Cash reaches down to push the rest of it off my legs.

“Turn toward me.”

Excitement humming along my nerve ends, I do as he asks and I turn onto my back and then continue rolling until I’m facing him.  I’m so close, if I puckered my lips just right, I could kiss his chin.

In the dimly lit room, I can see his eyes sparkle like black diamonds.  The light from the living room spills softly through the door and illuminates half his face, leaving the other half in deep shadow.

I can hear his breathing. I can feel the heat pouring from his body.  I know he’s as excited as I am, that he wants this just as much as I do, and yet he’s willing to hold off.  Just for me.

But what if I don’t want him to?  What if, despite the never ending doubts and misgivings and horrors of the day, I want him?  Is that enough?  For now?  Would that be so bad?

It is in a way. In another way, it’s not.  But the fact of the matter is, right now I need Cash.  I need him to hold me, to kiss me, to touch me. I need him inside me, filling me up with his presence and his security.  Tomorrow will bring new worries.  I can think more then.

Just as slowly, Cash runs his fingers up over my collarbone and pushes the material off my other shoulder.  It hangs on the tip of my breast and I see his eyes drop to my chest.  I suck in a breath and hold it.  His gaze burns like a physical touch.

Deliberately, he raises his hand to the center of my chest and runs the backs of his fingers over my nipple, freeing the robe and exposing my flesh to his hungry eyes.  Again, he doesn’t move for several seconds.  Again, neither do I.  When his eyes flicker up to mine, they’re full of all sorts of things, but most apparent is resolve. He won’t let himself give in.  Not tonight.  It’s that important to him.  Why, I don’t know.  Maybe I’m that important to him. I can only hope.

Leaning slightly forward, Cash pushes the robe off me, toward my back, running his hand over my butt and then up to the side of my thigh.  When I’m lying in front of him, as naked as he is, he lets his eyes wander over me.

I see them close just before he rolls onto his back and raises his arm to loop over my head. He pulls me onto his chest.  I let my hand skate over the hard muscles of his stomach and drape my knee over his thigh.

I can’t hear him breathing. I wonder if he’s holding his breath.  I don’t know, but I can hear his heart slamming against his ribs.  He’s fighting me, fighting us, fighting this.

I think for a second of teasing him a little, of changing his mind, but respect for what he’s doing rears up and stops me.  I don’t want to make more out of his consideration than what it is, but that still leaves me with the question: what does it mean?

Cash’s lips graze my hair just before he croaks, “Go to sleep, baby. You’re safe.  I promise.”

On some level, I must believe him.  So I sleep.

********

Something shifts at my back.  It’s smooth and warm, and it takes me less than a second to realize it’s Cash.  He’s behind me.  And he’s naked.

His hips flex, pressing his erection into the crease of my butt.  Without thought to consequence, I arch my back and push into him.

I hear him suck in a breath and my stomach flutters in response.

He’s awake.

Please don’t let this be a dream.

One big hand skates over my hip and onto my stomach then up to cup my breast.  With his fingertips, he teases the nipple until it aches for him, for his mouth.  Reaching up, I place my hand over his, squeezing his fingers.  He kneads my sensitive flesh until my pulse steps up to a quicker beat.

I feel his lips at the curve of my neck. Then his tongue. It sneaks out to wet a circle on my skin then he nips it with his teeth.  Chills break out down my chest and back, and my belly tightens in anticipation.

I want this to happen. I need this to happen.  So I go with it.  I encourage it.  I throw myself into it.

Reaching behind me, I grab his hip and pull him into me, grinding my butt against him.  I hear him groan as his hand leaves my breast to travel back down my stomach to the juncture of my thighs.  I spread them the tiniest bit to allow him to touch me.  And he does.  He slides one long finger between my folds, pausing only briefly to flutter over the nub at the top before slipping inside me.

“Mmm, what’s this?” he says, pulling his finger out and then thrusting it in farther.  My nails bite into his hip and he flexes against me again. He’s even harder.  And bigger. If that’s possible.

“Were you dreaming about me?” he whispers in my ear.  “It sure feels like you were.”  He rubs me with his palm and penetrates me with his fingers.  “Were you dreaming of me touching you like this?  Or were you dreaming of me doing more?”

I say nothing. I can’t think past what he’s doing to me, past what I want him to do to me.  Over and over and over again.

“I think you were.  I think you want this, but you’re afraid.  But not tonight.  Don’t be afraid tonight.  Just let me have you.  Let me show you how good we are together.”

Gently, Cash moves from behind me. I start to roll onto my back, but he stops me.  “No,” he says flatly.  When I start to speak, he cuts me off.  “Shhh,” he murmurs, rolling me onto my stomach.  “Onto your knees.”  I hesitate only for a second, but it’s long enough.  “Do it,” he orders softly. “I promise you’ll like it.”

I come up onto my hands and knees.  I feel Cash’s warm body at the backs of my legs and my butt as he moves in closer to me.  His warm hands find my hips.  His fingertips dig in and he pulls me back into him, his hardness pressing against me.  A shiver of pure lust trembles through me.

Pushing gently, he urges me forward.  I crawl toward the headboard until I’m hovering over my pillow.  “Reach out with your hands.”

I do it, curling my fingers around the top of the wooden headboard.  Slowly, Cash bends over me until I can feel his chest against my back.  He breathes into my ear, “Spread your legs.”  When I do, one of his hands moves between them from behind me.  He puts his thumb inside me as his fingertips play with the slippery skin between my folds.  If I were standing, I would collapse. I feel his touch all the way in my knees.  I can’t stop the moan that leaves my lips in a rush.