“The department received a formal complaint on you a few days ago. It was from Olivia’s parents. Stated instances where Olivia has called them, scared of you, where you could be heard yelling in the background, and times when she’s been able to escape you and come to their house, she’s been claiming you had hit her.”

I felt the blood quickly drain from my cheeks, and my head felt light. “Chief. No, you know I wouldn’t.”

He held up a hand to stop me, and I looked around the office for a trash can. “I know that. Which is why I hadn’t planned on telling you about it and hadn’t planned on taking any action against you. Besides, they even said they had no evidence other than hearing you yelling while she was talking to them.”

“She’s almost never home!” I defended myself unnecessarily as my eyes kept looking for something I could throw up in.

“I know. Saco, you need to breathe. Okay? Can is behind you if you need to hurl. Just breathe and listen to me.”

I nodded my head and gripped the arms of the chair I was sitting in.

“The complaint came in a few mornings ago. From what you were telling me, it was the morning after her latest episode. Now, you said you were out when she called, correct?”

My mind flashed to the hotel with Kamryn, and my eyes slowly met Chief’s. “Yes.”

“And that person will testify to that if needed?”

I nodded again, even as I knew I couldn’t put Kamryn in that situation.

“Because I know you wouldn’t do this to anyone, Olivia included. But if her family decides to send a letter like this to a judge or someone else who doesn’t know you like I do, then you’ll need to be able to fight your side. You understand?”

“Yes, sir.”

“That is why I said you might want to leave this to her family. Because even though she has threatened suicide to you, to others she’s saying you’re making it up. She hasn’t done anything suicidal yet, and until then, you can’t force her to be seen by a doctor. It has to be her decision. And if she’s retaliating against you this way when you are suggesting she get help, I don’t see this ending well for you, if you know what I mean.”

I ran my hands agitatedly through my hair and leaned back in the chair. “But I’m the one who caused this. This is all on me. I owe it to her to get her help.”

Chief was silent for a long time as he thought about how to respond. “I get it, Saco, I do. I just hate to see you doing this to yourself, and I hate to see her family trying to destroy you and your career even more. This is going to sound heartless and is to be kept between you and me, but just know that helping her now may hurt you more in the end. Like I said, it may be worth it to let her family deal with it.”

I thought about my relationship with Kamryn, but pushed that to the back of my mind for now. “I appreciate the advice, Chief. But I need to keep trying.” I stood to leave, then turned to face him as I reached the door and asked my original question again. “So there’s nothing I can do that you know of?”

“No, sorry. Unless she does something suicidal, or something we can arrest her for, it ultimately has to be her decision to get help. I’m here if you need anything, Saco.”

“Thank you. I’ll be back before my shift tonight, there’s something I have to do.” I didn’t wait for him to respond, I just turned and made my way out of the police department.

I drove to the familiar lot and parked in the same spot I always do. With a deep breath in, I got out of my Expedition and walked the too-familiar path until I was standing in front of the piece of marble with Tate’s name and dates on it. Squatting down, I moved the stuffed monkey I’d placed there for his fifth birthday and traced the letters and numbers as I apologized again to my son.

After he died, my family and friends had all said that one day the pain would slowly start lessening, that one day it would get easier and I’d start moving on with my life. They were wrong. I still hated myself, the guilt still ate at me just as much as it had the day it happened, and my grief was as strong as ever. Kamryn was bringing me back to life, but with Tate gone, and with Olivia constantly throwing his death in my face, I didn’t know how to even begin to deal and move on from the sorrow that was always waiting in the background.

Placing the monkey back in front of the headstone, I pressed my fingers to my lips before touching the cool stone.

“I love you, little man. I’m so sorry.”

Kamryn

June 9, 2015

DROPPING THE TAKEOUT on the island in my kitchen, I took off for my bedroom and rushed to get into my pajamas. Just as I was slipping the shirt over my head, the doorbell rang, and I ran back through my condo to answer the door.

“Did you get the food?” Kinlee asked excitedly.

“Just got home from picking it up. Did you get the stuff for the drinks?”

She held up a large brown paper bag. “Pfft. Duh!” Turning to look at Jace, she made a shoo-ing motion with her hand. “You can go now, slave.”

He rolled his eyes, but smiled as he looked at me. “Call me if she gets too trashed. Otherwise I’ll be back at eleven.”

“See you then!”

After kissing my cheek, he grabbed Kinlee’s cheeks in his hands and kissed her hard. “Call me ‘slave’ again and see who doesn’t get that thing she likes tonight.”

Kinlee whined, “Babe! That’s not fair, you promised!”