I can’t even care if I went against his rules. I’m limp in his arms, shivering and shaking, and he’s looking at me like he wants to both hug me close and shove me away.

“You disobeyed me,” he whispers, reaching out to trail his fingers across my cheek.

My eyes slide closed at his gentle touch and I tip my head back. My legs are wound tight around his waist and I bury my hands in his hair. “Sorry.” I don’t sound remorseful because I’m not. That was absolute torture and I needed the relief.

His other hand goes to my neck and he grips my nape, forcing me to face him once more. “It’s like you can’t help but be a bad girl.”

I smile, my heart aching at his words. “Haven’t you realized that’s what you’re dealing with? I am a bad girl. I do what I want, when I want. No one can tell me what to do.” Pausing, I let my gaze roam over his handsome features, seeing the familiar disappointment in his eyes. Typical. I make no one happy. “Not even you,” I add in the softest whisper.

He stares at me, his gaze unwavering. There’s no disappointment in his eyes; he doesn’t appear upset any longer. “Aren’t you tired of being alone? On your own? You against the world, always fighting, always struggling?”

I want to say no. It’s easier to pretend I’m tough and I don’t need anyone, definitely not a man trying to tell me what to do. But Max isn’t like that, not really. He treats me like an equal. That he enjoys taking command in the bedroom doesn’t bother me, not really.

I almost … prefer it.

“Yes,” I finally whisper, my throat raw with emotion. “It’s … hard, being alone.”

“I know.” He reaches out, drifts his fingers across my cheek. “I agree.”

Should I say something more? Tell him we don’t have to be alone as long as we have each other?

No, that’s too much. Too soon. He’ll freak. Or worse, make fun of me. Make a joke of it.

He would never do that and you know it.

“Let’s take a step back and calm down.” Max traces my jaw with his fingers, his thumb smoothing over my chin. “After all, we’ve got all night.”

There’s a finality to his statement that sends panic racing through my veins. All night isn’t enough. It would never be enough. But I can’t admit that.

So I don’t.

Chapter eighteen

Max

I TOOK HER TO DINNER, to torture myself and to give us some much needed distance. My irrational anger at her getting herself off by humping my dick while I had my swim trunks on still simmered low in my gut, which was ridiculous. But I didn’t like how she defied me, how she did what she wanted despite my telling her not to.

It was the first time she’d done that since we’d started playing this sick game and it made me mad. Made me feel out of control. I didn’t like it.

At all.

I really wanted to walk out on her and never look back, but I couldn’t. Not only because I flat-out can’t leave her, but I have a job to do and by God, I’m going to finish it. Plus, if I left her and gave back Pilar her fucking money, that bitch would send some other dick after Lily instead and God knows what would happen. So I’m protecting her.

Yeah, keep telling yourself that, jackass.

The idea of not having this last moment with her hurts more than I care to admit. It was Lily’s idea to suggest a hands-off approach for tonight and like a dumbass, I agreed.

“No sex,” she’d said, her expression stony, her gaze steady. Though I saw the slight flicker in her eyes. She was probably afraid I’d tell her no and leave her. Like I could. “We only seem to piss each other off.”

Easy for her to say—she already got her orgasm for the day.

“Fine,” I said, rubbing a hand over my face, ready to agree to anything so I could see her again. I almost blew it, getting so mad at her. But this is what happens when you get yourself physically and emotionally involved with someone you have no business being with.

Heavy emphasis on the word business.

We went to a restaurant in the resort, a place that was dark and expensive and served up intoxicating, exotically named drinks. Lily had three and I had two and she was a little giggly, a lot beautiful, helping me forget my anger, the tension that radiated through me over what I was about to do.

Steal from her. Betray her.

I’ve done a lot of things in my life that I didn’t like or that I didn’t want to do, but I always did them honestly. With integrity, though I know of others who would disagree with me, especially from my military past. Going off the mental deep end still embarrasses me when I think about it, but what’s done is done. My family accepted me back into the fold, even though my brother Sam thought I was a complete dumbass at first. He served his time in the military, left after four years, and is now a cop, just like our dad. He did everything right.

I, on the other hand, did everything wrong. Guess Lily and I have more in common than I first thought.

But never have I done something so dishonest, so cruel. So fucking risky, both to me and to Lily. I can’t study my subject with an objective eye. I’ve had her every which way I could sexually. I know the taste of her lips, the taste of her pussy, the way it feels when it clamps tight around my cock before she comes. I’m in way too fucking deep.

I like her. A lot. If I’d met her under any other circumstance, I’d pursue her relentlessly until I made her mine. Pretty much like I’m doing right now. The difference?