But a twinge of happiness is starting to form, too. I’m closing in on the end of the first trimester, and supposedly that is the hardest part when it comes to morning sickness. I’d finally confessed to Violet about my pregnancy thanks to Lily’s nonstop nagging, and though she was worried, I could tell she’s genuinely happy for me.

I haven’t told my father yet. As if he would care. He’s too consumed in wedding plans with Pilar. Gross.

Then there’s Lily. My crazy, without-a-care-in-the-world oldest sister, has stepped up to the plate and been there for me every step of the way. She was pissed when she found out I went to the doctor without her. She wanted to be there, to hear the baby’s heartbeat too, and I felt bad that I left her out. Next time, I promised her, and I know she’ll hold me to it.

Now she’s setting up dinner get-togethers and she invited me over. I don’t want to go. I’d rather stay home and read a book or watch TV and not think about what I’m going to do with my life. Eventually I have to try to find Caden and tell him what’s going on. He deserves to know.

And I know exactly who to talk to when I’m ready to find him. That man named Cash. The one who’s dating Caden’s mother.

Holy shit, that entire meeting had been surreal. I’d fainted and scared them all. I woke up to all three of their faces hovering above mine, and when I focused on Cora Kingsley’s features, I knew without a doubt she was Caden’s mom. Same eyes, same crease in between their brows when they’re worried, same smile.

I was staring at the face of my unborn child’s grandmother and it was all just so … weird.

Lily convinced our father that I needed to go home and rest that night, laying on the guilt trip extra thick when she mentioned I threw up and fainted. She blamed it on a flu going around and Daddy fell for it.

Thank God.

I stop rubbing my temples and grab my phone again, cursing myself for being so weak. I don’t want to work. I can’t focus. Not like I have any big projects going on anyhow. I’d come up with a new plan where I was going to ask my father to let me go on sabbatical. For just enough time to have the baby, be home for a few months, and establish a routine before I go back to work.

I think he’ll go for that idea a lot better than if I just upped and quit.

Pushing all thoughts of my father and my future firmly out of my mind, I send a quick text to Lily.

Who’s all going to be there?

She answers immediately.

A few people you know.

Huh. Well, that couldn’t be any more vague.

It’s not going to be one of those long, crazy parties you like to have, is it?

She knows I’ve gone into low-key mode. And I can hardly keep my eyes open beyond ten o’clock lately. I feel like an old lady.

I wouldn’t do that to you. I know you’re not feeling well. Don’t worry. Everything’s going to be fine. I just need you there right at seven.

Weird. She’s being elusive and I’m not sure why.

I’ll be there. Do you need me to bring anything?

She’ll say no, but I had to ask.

Just your pretty face. Wear something cute.

Ugh. I roll my eyes.

Don’t you dare try to set me up with anyone. Besides, who would want to date me? I’m knocked up with another guy’s baby.

Lily sends me a smiley face with hearts for eyes in answer and I laugh.

Some guys might think that’s sexy.

Please. She’s delusional.

There’s only one guy I want to find me sexy and clearly he’s not interested.

I don’t know that for sure, but it feels that way.

You’ll find out someday. We’re going to track him down and tell him everything.

Nerves eat at my stomach just seeing those words.

Yeah, I type. Someday.

No reply.

Lily’s apartment isn’t too far from mine and I walk over, enjoying the late-summer evening. For whatever reason the night sky feels full of potential, which in turn fills me with hope.

I can get through this. No trial is too big or too small for me to handle.

Resting my hand on my stomach, I’m thankful I actually feel like a halfway normal person this evening. I’m at the tail end of the tenth week, and though I don’t want to get my hopes up for fear it’ll come back at me tenfold, I think this so-called morning sickness—because really, it’s been morning, noon, and night—is almost over.

I enter the building and smile and wave at the security guard behind the massive desk. He buzzes me in and I head to the elevator, trying to ignore the nerves that come over me.

It won’t be so bad, this little get-together. Lily’s been so sensitive to my feelings and I appreciate that. We’ve never been close, Lily and I. That was for me and Violet. Lily always seemed to be off in her own little world, doing her thing, driving our father crazy and enjoying every minute of it.

Violet and I were always closer, both in age and in personality. This baby I’m carrying inside of me is bringing so many blessings already, like my sister and me forging a stronger relationship. I’m thankful for that.

Thankful for so many things tonight that for the first time since I came home from London, I almost feel … carefree.

I knock on the door and wait for Lily to answer. I hear nothing coming from within, which is odd. Usually Lily’s parties are loud. She always invites a bunch of people over and though she said this gathering would be small, I know how she is. If everyone else is quiet, then Lily at least is yelling about something.