I can’t help it.

Now he’s gone. I banished him from my life. I walked out of his apartment that horrible night and never once looked back. He left for London the next evening on a red-eye flight after being called to a very important—and secretive—meeting. A three-day meeting that also involved my father at one point. Zachary is sure there’s some sort of sabotage going on in England despite my constant reassurances that he’s overreacting, because yes, I’m still talking to him even though I shouldn’t be.

Deep down inside, I’m sure he’s probably right.

It’s so silly, after everything he did to me, but I miss the connection Ryder and I shared. One look from him and my knees weakened. He made me laugh. He made me moan. He made me think. We worked well together. We made love well together, too …

He’d touch me and I’d grow dizzy. He has a magical hold on me that I can’t deny, that I don’t want to deny.

More than once I told Ryder that he owns me. And I thought … I thought he felt the same way. That he somehow owned me and I owned a little piece of him, too. He commanded me like no other man ever has. He understands me. My needs and wants. All of those wickedly sexual things we indulged in never once felt wrong with him. He consumed me. And scared me.

I’m still scared, more over the fact that I’m alone again. I’m mourning the loss of Ryder, which is stupid. I’ve never felt more alone in all my life.

I assume Pilar is having an affair with my father, though that hasn’t been confirmed. He hasn’t shared much information beyond that one time, telling me there’s a woman in his life. And Pilar doesn’t talk, especially to me. We’re unspoken enemies. She’s never liked me, even before what happened between all of us.

For all I know she’s seeing Ryder on the side as well, and that thought …

I can’t even go there.

Imagining her with Father, though—I don’t like it. I don’t trust her. She’s only using him, the way she used Zachary. The way Ryder used me, and I don’t want to see my father hurt. But I can’t stop my father from doing what he wants, so I can only wait this out and hope for the best.

And prepare for the worst.

“Lovely spot,” Father says, suddenly standing at my side. It’s as if he knew I was thinking about him and magically appeared. “Zachary will be pleased, I’m sure.”

I make a face. I don’t really care if Zachary’s pleased with the restaurant I chose for his going-away party. I just want him gone. “I’m sure he will be.” But by the end of the evening, he’ll no longer be my problem.

Ever again.

“Thank you for planning it,” he says. “I know it wasn’t easy.”

“Of course.” I’m doing what any good ex-girlfriend would do.

Good and crazy ex-girlfriend. God, who am I? Didn’t I ask Ryder that very question? I don’t even recognize myself anymore.

“Please don’t make a fuss over this but, I have a date that will be accompanying me tonight,” Father informs me, his voice low, as if he wants no one else to hear.

“A fuss?” I ask.

He waves a hand. “Don’t mention it to your sister. She’s been badgering me lately and I’ve been evasive.”

I glance around, panic flaring within me, but I don’t see Pilar anywhere. “Is your date here?”

“She’s meeting me in a bit.” He exhales loudly and shakes his head. My heart freezes. “Violet, I need to tell you—”

“Forrest! Glad to see you, old man.” Zachary approaches us with a giant smile on his face, slipping his arm around Father’s shoulders and slapping him on the back like they’re dear friends. I watch in disgust, shocked at Zachary’s behavior, surprised that he has the nerve to call my father “old man.”

Is he drunk already? I’m in trouble if he is. The night has barely begun.

“Good to see you, Zachary.” Father smiles, completely unfazed by Zachary’s overly friendly ways. “Seems that Violet has put together a fine celebration for you tonight.”

“Yes, she has.” Zachary’s eyes alight on me, heating in that way of his that tells me he’s pleased to see me. His gaze scans down the length of my body and I suppress the disgusted shiver that wants to steal over me. I’m wearing a pale yellow chiffon dress that’s sleeveless and hits mid-thigh. It looked bright and cheery when I slipped it on, the exact opposite of what I’m feeling. “She’s too good to me,” Zachary murmurs.

“More like too good for you.” It’s Father’s turn to slap him on the back, so hard Zachary coughs. “I need a drink.” Father nods at me. “We’ll talk later.”

I watch him head for the bar, barely paying attention to what Zachary’s doing until he slips an arm around my shoulders and tries to press his mouth to my cheek. “Stop,” I admonish him, shoving him so he staggers backward. “We’re not together anymore, remember?”

He shoots me an irritated glare. “Please. It’s my last night in this country. I’m leaving, Violet. For months. If I want to kiss my girlfriend, I will.”

“You keep forgetting I’m your ex-girlfriend.” I pull my arm out of his hold when he tries to grab me again. “Please, Zachary. Stop.”

If Ryder saw Zachary do this to me … would he have stopped him? Not that he’s been around to notice, even though I hear he’s just back from London. The last packaging meeting we had, his assistant Luann led the entire thing—rather efficiently I might add, but still.