Craving Page 53

No, my ranch wasn’t the source of my problem.

“We do okay,” I said.

“Then what’s eatin’ at you, boy?”

I glared daggers at him. “Don’t call me boy.”

“Sorry. Meant no disrespect. But something’s bothering you. I can tell.”

I sighed. “I just got mugged.”

“Don’t surprise me none, walking around this area dressed like that.” Mike coughed.

“Last time I checked it was a free country, Mike. I should have the right to walk where the hell I want without someone trying to take something that’s mine.”

“I can’t argue with you, son. But you gotta use your smarts, too. You don’t look stupid to me, but it seems stupid for someone like you to be walking around here after dark and not expect to get mugged.”

“I took care of it.”

“You don’t look any worse for the wear.”

“I don’t, but the dumb-ass mugger sure does.”

Mike raised his eyebrows and took a long draft of his beer. Then he let out a laugh. “So you didn’t give in, I take it?”

“Hell, no.”

“And you kicked his ass?”

“Into next week.” I took another sip of the rotgut.

Mike chuckled. “Can’t say he didn’t have it coming.” He finished his beer. “So tell me, what’s eating you? And don’t tell me you’re upset over the mugging. If you didn’t want to be mugged, you wouldn’t have come down here.”

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

Mike let out a little chortle. “I’m thinking I’m hitting a little too close to home for you, son.”

“So you’re a shrink now?”

“Not by a long shot. Just an old guy who’s been around the block a few times. I’ve been told I’m good at reading people. And I think I just read you better than you wanted me to.”

“You don’t know damned thing about me.”

“Now that’s not true. I know you’re rancher. You said so yourself. I know you were walking outside in the dark in this area with those boots on, and that made you prime meat for the muggers. I also know that you knew damned well you were likely to get mugged, and you did. You didn’t let the mugger have anything, and you walked away unscathed.”

I downed my drink and motioned for another. “You don’t know shit, old man.”

Mike gestured the bartender for another beer. “You get to be my age, and you know a lot. I know right now that you’re hiding something. Now, I don’t know what it is, but you’re going to have to deal with it sooner or later if you want to live a happy life.”

“I’m perfectly happy.” What a crock.

“Son, perfectly happy people don’t walk around asking to get mugged.”

I downed my third rotgut whiskey and threw some bills on the counter. “I’m out of here.” I stood and turned around, ready to walk.

“Running away is never the answer, son.”

I didn’t know why I turned back. I had heard those words before, from my brothers, from myriad other people. But something in Mike’s voice spoke to me.

I sat back down and looked into his watery blue gaze. These were eyes that had seen a lifetime, eyes that seemed to hold…something. Was it empathy? “You really think you know me, old man?”

Mike coughed again and smiled. “I don’t know the color of socks I put on this morning, but I know you need to face your life. Just like everybody else in the world.”

I shook my head. “Everybody else in the world doesn’t have my life.”

“Maybe not. But they have their own hardships. Never doubt that.”

I didn’t doubt that, not really. Did I? Maybe this old man had something to say after all. “All right. I’ve got a few minutes. Give me your wisdom, Mike.”

“Hell, I’m no sage. And even though I know you’re hiding something, I don’t pretend to know what it is. But you’ve got to let it go. There is no great secret to life. It’s pretty simple. You’ve read Thoreau, haven’t you?”

I nodded. I had read Thoreau, but I was pretty surprised that Mike had.

“It’s like he says. Suck out the marrow of life.”

“Thoreau was living in the wilderness. Refusing to do his duty. Pay his taxes. Pretty much being a spoiled brat, if you asked me,” I said.

Mike laughed aloud. “I can’t really disagree with you there. But the man had a lot of worthwhile things to say. You need to concentrate on the good things, no matter how small. Find the good in everything, and suck it out.”

The man was hardly eloquent. But Mike’s words resonated with me. Could I?

“Tell me something good about your life,” he said.

I remained silent.

“Don’t tell me you’ve been in this funk so long that you can’t see what’s good in your life. Clearly, you have no financial worries, judging by those boots you’re wearing. That’s got to be a good thing.”

I took a sip of drink and nodded. “Yeah, that’s a good thing.”

“For God’s sake, son, don’t be so blasé about it. I scrimped my whole life, and now I’m existing on what little I get from Social Security. Financial worries are a big part of most people’s lives. Be thankful you don’t have them.”

I raked my fingers through my hair. Suddenly I felt like a very small person. “You’re right.”

“Now what else?”

“I have two brothers and a sister. They’re all really great.”

“Good, good. Family is everything. And what else?”

Jade. She was actually the first thing that had popped into my mind when he asked about something good in my life. For some reason, I couldn’t bring her name to my lips. She wasn’t mine, as much as I wanted her to be, because with the same amount of desire, I didn’t want her to be. I didn’t want to bring her into my tortured existence. I didn’t want to ruin her. She deserved so much better.

“You got yourself a girl?”

I looked away.

“Or a guy? I don’t judge.”

My nerves prickled. “There’s a girl. But she’s not mine.”

“She doesn’t feel the same way about you?”