CitB: then what the fuck are you cultivating him for if no info and no wiring?

ByteMe: it’s not like that

CitB: it’s special

ByteMe: bite me

CitB: there’s a lot on the line here. u have to find a way to get him to unlock for you from his end

ByteMe: he wouldn’t know how

CitB: then teach

CitB: stakes are high. If ur not chasing him for this then why

ByteMe: none of your business

CitB: stay on task, grasshopper. we let the Alexander burn us out of the sky, your red hot love will be subsumed by a bigger, hotter flame

ByteMe: how do you even function in society?

CitB: it’s a struggle

Date: 07/25/75

Text: Without a compass

Today, said our poor, beleaguered counselor, We Are Going To Try Something New. We are going to focus on the fact that despite our personal losses, Life Goes On, and There Is Still A Future.

Frankly, I think whether or not we get a future is still hanging in the balance, but I figured expressing that opinion wasn’t going to add much to the session, so I stuck to Being A Surly Teen. (Huh, the Inappropriate Caps are catching.)

The present is my problem, right now. My brain won’t stop buzzing, scrambling, trying to hook on to something that will tell me which way is up. I lie strapped into my bunk at night, and it all presses in on me. The bed’s so narrow, the blanket smells like the huge laundries they have here, and it itches, and I’m so not at home.

Nothing’s where it’s supposed to be, and without my north, how do I know what to do?

My throat closes when I think about it, and a part of me wants to crawl under the covers and stay there. Wait for someone to tell me what to do. Wait for a grown up. But nobody’s coming.

So do I drag Ezra into danger? Isn’t he in more danger if I don’t keep trying to work out what’s happening?

Everyone here wants to believe the guys in charge know exactly what they’re doing, but of course they don’t. There’s nothing in their rules and regulations for this. They’re wounded and limping for safety, and they don’t know how to get away from the Lincoln. So why should I trust them, especially when they’re lying to me?

There’s no clear path ahead of me. They never taught this class in school.

I remember there was this teacher called Ms. McElroy back at McCaffrey. Taught junior tech. She used to go on and ON at me about fulfilling my potential, and I used to roll my eyes, and my mom would tell me to listen to the lady.

She died in the first wave. She looked really surprised.

I don’t mean to make a joke there, though I know it sounds kind of sarcastic. I just mean, that wasn’t the facial expression I would have expected.

She used to talk a lot about how to make decisions, as well. Like, she had this idea around exploring your own moral system, but then applying it to a grid to work out what to do. Marrying ethics and technology.

Why didn’t I listen to that? I could really use her system for working out the right thing to do around now.

I only know one thing for sure.

Whatever they don’t want me to see, that’s where I’m digging. I need to be where the secrets are.

I’m more interested in ensuring I have a future than they think.

McNulty, J, Sgt: ezra

McNulty, J, Sgt: mason

McNulty, J, Sgt: ANSWER BITCH

Mason, E, LT 2nd: shit internal comms back on?

McNulty, J, Sgt: they testing

Mason, E, LT 2nd: ah

McNulty, J, Sgt: Dorian pinged me to check if my internal messager was working. I am his test monkey. Watch me monkey

Mason, E, LT 2nd: and of everyone you could’ve picked to IM, you pinged me. Flattered, you may color me

McNulty, J, Sgt: don’t be, ur the only one I knew who’d be awake at this hour

McNulty, J, Sgt: thinking about Miss Thing

Mason, E, LT 2nd: eat me

McNulty, J, Sgt: first, a kiss from your cherry lips

Mason, E, LT 2nd: maybe if you warm me up a little

McNulty, J, Sgt: k wut are u wearing?

Mason, E, LT 2nd: nothing. Your sister was just here

McNulty, J, Sgt: …

Mason, E, LT 2nd: OH BURRRNT?

Mason, E, LT 2nd: flew face-first into that, son

McNulty, J, Sgt: FUCK YOU CHUM

Mason, E, LT 2nd: too tired. Told you, ur sis just left

McNulty, J, Sgt: look at you, all sprightly and shit. Big switch from mr Mopey, all “bloo bloo, my troubles have water wings” couple of days back

Mason, E, LT 2nd: cold, chum. cold

McNulty, J, Sgt: thought you’d be all sadpants with no ship 2 ship. No more sexies from Miss Thing to keep you warm

Mason, E, LT 2nd: she’s not like that

McNulty, J, Sgt: ah, she special

Mason, E, LT 2nd: she is

McNulty, J, Sgt: u got pix of this astro-princess?

Mason, E, LT 2nd: no sexies, I told u

McNulty, J, Sgt: clothed, fool

Mason, E, LT 2nd: I got school pics

McNulty, J, Sgt: send me

Mason, E, LT 2nd: no chance

McNulty, J, Sgt: SEND

Mason, E, LT 2nd: en oh bee eye tee see haych

McNulty, J, Sgt: Mason, if u no send, I will make it my mission in life to teabag you while you sleep

Mason, E, LT 2nd: 0_o

McNulty, J, Sgt: Shipboard security have master access to all areas, chum

McNulty, J, Sgt: I know where you lay thee down

McNulty, J, Sgt: And you WILL wake one night to feel a pair of slightly sweatysomethings tickling your prettyboy chin

Mason, E, LT 2nd: my fucking god

McNulty, J, Sgt: I am serious, mason.