Maela disappears into the bathroom, and I strain to listen. I think someone is crying. Probably one of the servants. Some poor girl rejected years ago.

I wait forever, and Jost stays crouched by my side. We don’t speak.

‘Adelice,’ Maela says, coming back into the room, ‘you found her?’ She lights a cigarette and blows the smoke down at me.

‘Yes,’ I say in a clipped tone.

‘And she was already dead?’

I clench my jaw and nod.

‘And the last time you saw her?’

‘Yesterday,’ I lie.

Her eyes turn to slits and she opens her mouth, but before she can speak, Loricel enters the room.

‘I’ve informed the medical department,’ she says to Maela. ‘As well as the main office. An investigator will be here soon. You are no longer needed.’

Maela turns to Loricel and lifts her chin. ‘I’ll decide that.’

‘No,’ Loricel says in a quiet voice. ‘I will. Enora was in Manipulation Services. You are dismissed.’

Maela shoots me one withering look, but she slinks out of the room.

‘You found her?’ Loricel asks.

I sigh and squeeze my eyes shut. If Loricel was the one who sent her to be remapped, I shouldn’t be so glad to see her.

‘When was the last time you saw her?’ Loricel asks.

I open my mouth, ready to repeat the information I told Maela. ‘I saw her—’

‘Tell me the truth,’ Loricel interrupts. She’s already washed her face and without the carefully applied cosmetics and patching, the cracks of age are more visible. Her eyes sink back and her eyelids droop.

‘I saw her this morning,’ I whisper. ‘She was with Valery.’

‘Thank you,’ she says in a tired voice.

‘Loricel,’ I say, ‘you have to protect Valery.’

She presses her lips into a thin line and looks away. I don’t wait to hear her excuse. Standing, I stride to the door, away from her and Jost, but I hear her response. ‘I’m afraid it’s too late for that.’

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

I’m down one flight of stairs before Jost catches up with me. His boots beat down the steps behind me, but I don’t stop until his strong hand closes around my arm. He pulls me to his chest and I melt into him. I count the beats of his heart, each more precious than the one before, until I’m sure my own heart will break. As soon as he’s released my arm, I back away.

‘Ad—’

‘No.’ I raise my palm to stop him from speaking. ‘This has to stop now. You saw what they did to her.’

‘She did that to herself.’

‘Because they drove her to it. They warped her mind, Jost.’

‘She was an experiment.’

‘Exactly,’ I whisper. ‘To get to me. And anyone else in the way.’

‘So we pretend nothing’s happened between us?’ he asks.

‘It’s the only choice we have.’

‘I can’t accept that.’

‘We always knew this couldn’t go anywhere,’ I murmur.

Jost takes a step back and stares me down. I resist the urge to fall into his arms and instead push by him to the next set of stairs. There has to be another way. If I break his heart again . . .

‘I won’t live without you,’ he whispers, and his eyes say it all – desperation, betrayal, grief. But even as these emotions flash across his face, he reaches out his hand. He would risk everything – his own life – for us. But I can’t make that sacrifice. The Guild will kill him, too, if they find out about us. I can’t lose him, so I have to let him go.

‘Try,’ I say, as coldly as I can, but I’m dashing down the steps before he replies.

18

I skip breakfast. And lunch. I don’t leave my room. Valery doesn’t come to style me, so I spend the day strung across my prep chair drinking a bottle of wine. Valery would have liked that; she was always telling me to relax while she worked on me. Here you go, Val. I have another glass for Enora. And then one for my mother, who would so not approve. As it turns out, there are a lot of people to drink to, and I do my best.

I devote the second half of the bottle to Jost, who isn’t dead. Yet. I’m sure dragging him into this will be just the ticket to add him to my personal death toll. And no matter how much I drink, this thought sobers me right up. I can’t let them kill Jost or Amie or even Loricel. I can’t let anyone else suffer because of me. Which leaves me with two options: buck up and take one for the team or get out of here. The trouble with Arras is that the whole thing is watched and controlled by the Guild, right down to my personal identifying sequence. Even if I got out of the compound, a tracker could use my sequence to hunt me down before I made it past the rebound station. Or maybe Cormac would skip catching me entirely and have me ripped.

By mid-afternoon I’ve come up with nothing. But since no one bothers to force me to work I slip into a pair of linen pants and a soft cotton tunic – the only clothing in my entire closet that doesn’t require buckling, zipping, or stockings. It’s the perfect outfit to lie down and waste away in. Staring out the window from my bed, I watch as waves seep onto the shore. There is no snow on the mountain today. Everything is placid, programmed to counteract last night’s tragedy. The wine churns in my empty stomach as I stare out at the peaceful scene, and I feel anything but tranquil.

Behind me my door clicks open, but I don’t turn around. I told Jost not to come, so he can go about whatever menial task he’s concocted as an excuse to see me. Besides, I probably smell like Cormac by now. Not very romantic. But he doesn’t go to the fireplace or my bathroom. I can’t detect the exotic aroma of a late luncheon. Instead he walks straight to me and stands there; I keep my back to him.