I’d like to get us beyond that.

Can we please talk?

By morning, and through the next day that was a lot like that day, though Joker didn’t show, but some dude called Boz did, Boone did not text.

Mom had gotten in touch to share she’d managed to get Portia to school the day before, and she did not say things were still not all that great in the world of Angelica, Brian and the kids, but I read between the lines.

Lottie had also gotten in touch, and I had not shared that the boys were not my biggest fans at the moment, but somehow I had a feeling she was reading between the lines.

And thus all the girls had checked in, but they were all busy, so they couldn’t come over and provide moral support.

But all day I got a bunch of fun gifs and memes to bolster my spirit.

Their intentions were super sweet.

It just didn’t work.

* * *

Day three Post Fuckup with Boone, my emotional check was slipping.

I’d woken up not with a phone call from my family, also not with a response to my latest string of texts from the day before.

These included,

Honey, we need to get past this.

Please text me.

And,

Right, you’re beginning to scare me.

I fucked up. You fucked up. The only way to

get beyond that is to talk it through.

Please.

Text.

And last,

I’m going to bed without you again.

And I don’t like it.

Needless to say, I was doing all the work in trying to unfuck us and Boone’s completely ignoring that, coupled with his buds treating me like I’d cheated on him or something, making a bad situation worse, meant my control on behaving like an adult in a relationship that was important to her and thus she was going to put in the work slipped.

Though this was assuaged by some guy named Tack (also in the Chaos MC) coming to the house with a plumber (definitely Chaos had taken on this project, and me, like they had a financial stake in it, and an emotional one in keeping me safe, I mean, super sweet guys) and treating me like I knew what I was talking about.

Then, in his gravelly voice, Tack bossed said plumber around (and said plumber was not treating me like I knew what I was talking about, and okay, I was no plumber, but I knew what I wanted for the space, I’d also had a contractor in to discuss it, so I knew it could be done—he was just trying to make me feel like the little woman trying on her man’s boots).

Tack kept glancing meaningfully at me with his sapphire (no joke, straight-up sapphire) blue eyes, which I took (correctly) as, Watch and learn. This is how you talk to them. Don’t let them give you any shit.

I tried it out.

So when the guy said flat out that I could not move the sink in the kitchen, I said, “I’m moving the sink where the fridge was. And the fridge was plumbed. I’m moving the fridge where the sink was. And obviously it was plumbed. If you don’t know how to do that, I’m sure I can find a plumber who can.”

Tack gave me a crooked grin that was sweet (and hot, what could I say, he was a good-looking guy, but clearly from what I’d seen of all his MC brothers, this was a prerequisite for membership) while the plumber verbally fell all over himself to share that it actually could be done, it was just more work and time and expense.

Some of the guys took off to get sandwiches for lunch, and my daytime detail was Mag, who was avoiding me, doing this keeping vigilant and shooting the shit with Joker, who did not go off to get sandwiches with his brothers.

So I took that opportunity to send Boone my first text of the day.

Or as it was, texts plural.

Cat urine carpet gone. Check.

Walls demoed in living room, dining room

and kitchen. Check.

Both baths gutted. Check.

Working on cutting door to small bedroom

to make it closet door to master.

I love the Chaos MC.

And I miss you.

♥♥♥♥

I was trying a new gambit, going for conversational, but still being a little bit mushy and opening the door for him to make his move.

He did not reply.

* * *

Later in the evening, when I was home, exhausted, Axl was back on duty and watching TV with me (silently), I tried a new gambit.

Portia didn’t go to school that first day. Mom

had to wade in by asking me to

wade in and I had to tell her

about the whole thing with me

and all the drama, though I didn’t go

into specifics, this being why I couldn’t

go see to Portia.

She was definitely freaked but I told her

you and the boys have me covered.

That helped a lot with her freak-out.

Mom got Portia to go to school and she says

things are better but I think she’s

protecting me.

So that’s what’s happening with that.

I still miss you.

♥♥♥♥

So okay, maybe I was going the woe-is-me, my-family’s-a-mess, my-life’s-a-mess, we’re-a-mess, feel-sorry-for-me gambit and that took me to a new low.

But by the time I hit my bed, he still didn’t reply.

* * *

So now was now.

It was three days after my fight with Boone.

I was lying in bed, Axl stretched out on my couch in the living room, no idea what was happening with Brett, the dirty cops, or any of that because I was now kinda mad at the guys for being semi-dicks to me when none of this was my fault, so I wasn’t asking.

And seriously.

Even if each day passed making it seem like it was over before it had begun and Boone and I had actually been able to make a go of it, we’d have occasions where we fought.

I hadn’t lost my mind in a fit of rage and set our bed on fire.

We’d had a fight.

Just a fight.

And it wasn’t even a huge one.

And he’d walked away and shut me out.

I was trying.

But he’d shut me out.

So now the boys had shut me out.

Even if I was trying with them too (I offered Axl breakfast every morning, and the Machismo Factor was at rocket rises around me, what with the addition of Chaos to my life, but at least every day I tried to pay for sandwiches for all the guys for lunch).

So yeah, the last three days had been not-so-great.

And they were ending now, with me texting,

Right.

Loud and clear.

Thanks for arranging for the boys

to look out for me.

You’re a really good guy, Boone.

And I wish you well.

And then…

Well then…

After over a decade, dry as a bone…

I turned to my side, curled up, and I cried myself to sleep.

Chapter Fourteen

Oh Hell to the Yeah

Ryn

The bed moving woke me up and flipped me out.

Like, huge.

So huge, when I felt a touch on my hip, I whirled and fought like an animal.

I connected with what I thought might be a jaw, heard a grunt, went back with nails bared at the same time positioning to catapult myself from the bed in order to commence running screaming from my house.

But I got my wrists captured, a man on me and my arms pressed to the bed at the sides of my head.