The memory of Bryce’s last seconds flashed in my mind so forcefully that it was almost like being slapped. It was all as clear as if it was happening right this moment. I could perfectly remember his contorted expression, his cries of pain, and the way his eyes had shot me a ‘goodbye’ glance.

A hand gently rested on my shoulder, and I suddenly realised that my name was being softly repeated. The touch, the voice and the scent alerted me to the fact that it was Jared. And although there were plenty of people around and several of them seemed to be trying to reach me through my daze, it was Jared I needed. I turned into him, burying my face in his chest and gripping his shirt. His arms instantly went around me.

“Will you just leave her alone for a minute,” he said to someone. That someone seemed to persist and Jared responded with, “This isn’t a game of who can get closest to her. Just give her a minute.” Louder now, that someone persisted. Max.

Jared spoke down my ear, “Want me to teleport you away from here?”

I nodded against him. There was fluttering in my stomach and then the ground beneath me was softer. Opening my eyes, I saw that we were standing in the living area of my apartment. But I didn’t move away from Jared and he didn’t drop his arms. He didn’t ask me questions which I appreciated. He just let me have a moment to collect myself.

After a few minutes I stepped out of his embrace and, without meeting his gaze, uttered a barely comprehensible, “Thanks.” I then headed straight for the refrigerator. Sure Vodka flavoured NST couldn’t get me drunk but the taste would be enough for a little comfort.

Jared didn’t leave. He followed me into the kitchen and leant against the counter, mirroring my stance. “I don’t know what to say.” He was speaking softly. “I was going to ask if you’re okay, but that would be a stupid question.”

“I’m fine. Seeing Clark just dragged up a lot of memories, that’s all.”

“Memories of someone called Bryce.”

I nodded. “Yep.”

“Who was your boyfriend…?”

“Yep.”

“What happened to him?”

“Victor killed him right in front of me.”

(Jared)

There was no emotion on her face or in her eyes or in her tone as she spoke those chilling words. But I sensed that underneath all that, Sam was screaming. I could feel the ache in her chest like it was mine. I wanted to hold her – not that this was anything new – but the air around her was so tense that it was almost as though she was inside an impenetrable, invisible dome.

“Tell me about it.”

She studied my face. “You don’t have to stay with me, I’m not going to breakdown or anything.”

“I’m not asking you to tell me as an excuse to stay and keep an eye on you. I genuinely want to know.”

Sighing, she opened her refrigerator door and gestured to the contents. I took a Cola flavoured NST and leant against the counter again, a little closer to her this time.

“I’d been in a relationship with Bryce for about six months when I first met Victor; we bumped into him at a club. I hadn’t known Bryce was a vampire, and he told me that Victor was his boss at work. I noticed that he didn’t seem to like having to introduce me to him, and then they started arguing because Victor said I’d make a good consort for him – I had no idea what he was talking about, of course – and he wanted Bryce to give me up. Bryce wouldn’t. And when Victor came onto me, I said no.”

She paused as she drank the last of the contents of her bottle before then grabbing herself another. “I was attacked that night outside the club, left for dead, and Victor Turned me into a vampire. I think that maybe Victor was the one who attacked me too. He had plans for me to be his consort. He was my Sire so he had rights to me that Bryce didn’t have...But then he realised I was a Feeder and his plans for me grew immensely.

“Like any newborn Feeder, I was out of control. I was absorbing energy without meaning to and then shooting fire or water or energy balls here, there and everywhere. Victor had to lock me up in a little room by myself. He didn’t let me feed much so that my energy levels wouldn’t be too high and my power would be diluted. But every day, three times a day, he took me out of the room and tried to get me to control my gift. He’d have a line of humans waiting, and for every time I failed to do whatever task he gave me he’d kill one of them.”

“Bastard.”

“Yeah. Bastard.” She took a long swig out of her bottle before continuing, emotion creeping into her voice. “Bryce had been appointed as one of my guards, and he promised me that as soon as I could control my gift and there was no chance of me hurting myself we’d make a run for it. We did. We went undetected for a whole week, but then Clark gave us up. Victor tortured Bryce before slitting his throat. I couldn’t stop him, I wasn’t as controlled as I am now, and Victor had me drugged and completely bound and gagged while I was forced to watch.”

If I’d known all of this before meeting Victor and Clark, I’d have killed them both myself. I couldn’t imagine having to watch someone I cared about go through something like that, especially while I could do nothing to stop it. Something like that would stay with you forever.

“I tried to run away from Victor by myself after that,” she said, her voice steady again now. “He’d told me that if I ever tried it he’d kill one human every day until I was returned to him. I hadn’t believed him. I was caught two weeks later by a Pagori who had a similar gift to Salem’s but not as powerful. When I was conscious again I was back with Victor and at the other side of the room were fourteen dead human bodies, most of them just kids. I didn’t try it again after that. At least not until Sebastian showed up. I knew Victor would be too busy following me here to be bothering killing humans.”

It was only now that I was getting a true idea of just why it was so important to her to be her own person. She had basically spent the past three years as a hostage, sex slave and assassin. I admired her for being stood in front of me right now. A lot of people would have tried to end their own existence rather than live that kind of life. “That’s what you meant when you said to the guys that they had no right to forget their pasts.”

She nodded. “In a nutshell, Bryce died because he loved me. Trying to forget that would be the biggest insult to him and his memory.”

“You really did love him.” As unreasonable, strange and seemingly idiotic as it was, I felt a twinge of jealousy at the idea.

“I’m not going to lie and say I thought we were going to be together forever. Sometimes people love each other for a little while. But I did love him, yeah. Look where it got him.”

“Hey, the blame doesn’t lie with you. You have to know that.”

“Do you know what’s the saddest part of it all? Bryce hadn’t wanted to go to the club that night that we saw Victor. I’d been all packed ready to move into a new flat in the other end of London the next morning, and I’d said I wanted to go to that club one last time. Funny how one decision can lead to so many different things. I might never have been Turned into a vampire, Bryce might still be alive -”

“Or you could have met Victor at a later date and had the same thing still happen.” I advanced toward her, but not attempting to penetrate that dome she had created around herself. “You can’t go thinking stupid shit like that. They’re the kind of things that Victor might have said to you. I’ll bet he’s looking up at you right now, listening to this and laughing about it. This would be exactly what he wants.”

She smiled a grim smile. “Victor already got what he wanted; he said the ‘experience’ should teach me not to want to love someone ever again. It did. I’ve never wanted anything like that since. It hurts to love someone. I couldn’t ever again watch someone I loved die.”

I couldn’t watch her in pain anymore. For the second time tonight I held her. Tight. She didn’t resist like I’d thought she might. With her palms flat against my chest, she had tucked her head under my chin. How could it feel this good just to have your arms around someone? I’d say I was getting just as much comfort from this as she was.

I’d never seen Sam look vulnerable before. Even now, though, there was still an air of strength about her. She was the last person I know who would need protecting, but she made me want to shield her from everything. She brought out this protective side of me that I hadn’t even known I had. I lightly kissed her hair and squeezed her even tighter.

The moment was shattered by the heavy knock on her apartment door. “Sam, it’s Max.”

Oh, great. Had I ever wanted to smash his face in as much as I did right now? I loosened my hold on her, expecting her to dash to greet him.

Sam sighed as she took a single step backwards. “I know he means well but I just can’t deal with him fussing right now.”

If she had any clue as to how happy I was to hear her say that she’d laugh her ass off. “Then don’t answer. He’ll get the idea.” I held her tight again. And again, there was no resistance from her. Max knocked again but, as I’d suggested, she ignored him. At that, he went away. Happy days.

“You’re good at hugging,” she said after a minute or so of silence.

I chuckled. “Thanks, I can’t say I’ve had much practice at it. You’re comfortable to hug.”

“You seem to like my hair as well.”

Subconsciously I had begun stroking her hair. In my defence, it’s so soft and beautiful. Like her. “Want me to stop?” She shook her head. So I didn’t stop. I combed through it with my fingers, enjoying the silky feel of it against my skin. I’ll swear she was close to purring. But then she squirmed a little, and I thought she was about to free herself. I was wrong. In fact, she was sliding her hands up my chest and reaching for the collar of my shirt. One button open. Another button open. And then there was the unbelievable feeling of her lips on my skin. Not kissing, just lingering there. That was enough to make me hitch in a breath. She kissed the spot beneath the hollow of my throat and I shuddered a little. Her lips then slowly began to work up the column of my throat, dabbing it with light kisses. She then gave it a little lick and exhaled heavily over the wet spot before scraping her teeth over it, causing me to quiver again. My downstairs department rose to attention.

I’m not much of a person for ethics and morals when it comes to sex, but a feeling struck me just then that had me questioning whether I wanted this now. It wasn’t so much me that she wanted; it was comfort that she was looking for right now, and I didn’t want us sleeping together to be about that. Voicing this view, however, was proving to be a struggle seen as I was sort of caught up in the sensation of her lips and tongue and teeth on my skin. Then she grinded against me. Not helpful.

As such, all that came out was: “Sam, you have to stop.” I can’t say that I sounded all that convincing, especially seen as I was clutching her close to me.

“Why?” she murmured against my neck. “You want me.” As if to emphasise her point, she grinded against my raging erection again, and a low moan escaped me.

Her lips worked their way around my entire neck, her tongue lightly flicking out each time, her teeth nibbling. There wasn’t one part of it that she didn’t kiss. Christ, I had to make her stop now. I was too close to thinking ‘comfort sex it is’.

“Sam, really, you need to stop.” Again there wasn’t much force behind my words, and considering that I had one hand tangled in her hair while the other was cupping her ass, she wasn’t likely to take much notice of me.

“Why?” her husky voice said into my ear before she kissed the hollow beneath it while grinding against me again, harder this time.

“If I kiss you I won’t stop.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

I want you, you’ve no idea how much, but I don’t want it to be about comforting you. Can you honestly say that you would’ve kissed me like this tonight if it hadn’t been for what happened with that guy out there?

Her lips left my skin and I felt her release a small sigh. As she stepped out of my arms she gave me a half-smile. “Fair enough.” At that she slowly headed to her bedroom. “Good night,” she said quietly over her shoulder.

It took every ounce of my self-will not to follow her into that room and into that bed. God, why am I being such a f**king girl? If she wanted to use me, she could use me, what was so bad about that? The end result would be the same whether it was tonight or another night: sex. And yet it was oddly important to me that she wanted to sleep with me for no other reason than that she wanted me; it wouldn’t have felt balanced if it was any different.

Since when did I care about things being balanced?

This whole thing was too weird.

I was stood staring at the closed door of her bedroom with my hands slapped against the sides of my head, releasing sigh after sigh after sigh after sigh. Occasionally I’d step toward the door only to then take a step back. I couldn’t help thinking about how she was in there, in bed – na**d? – and finally willing to sleep with me. Seriously what the hell was I doing out here?

But then, like a smack to the face, the importance of her wanting me just for me, not comfort, hit home. True, this wasn’t like me. True, being used for sex was never a problem for me before. But, for whatever reason, it mattered to me now with this woman. So, with a strength I honestly had no idea that I had, I ignored the protesting coming from the bulge in my pants and teleported to my own room.