Poppy

I stared at the beautiful blonde woman seated across from me with a mixture of fear and admiration. I was waiting for her to rage at me, to yell and make a scene the way she had done when she showed up at her sister’s apartment to confront Wheeler after he called their engagement off. She looked like a supermodel but I knew she had the temper of a reality-TV housewife. Along with being nervous that she was going to snap on me, I was in awe of how friendly and welcoming she seemed to be. She’s been asking Wheeler for weeks to set something up so that she could meet me and I’d finally given in, more so he could get some peace and quiet than out of any real interest in meeting the woman who was pregnant with his child. That being said, my reserve was met with nothing but warmth. Kallie even brought me a fancy jar of artisanal honey as a cheeky gift, though Christmas was several weeks past.

I’d spent the holidays with my sister and Rowdy, as well as with Sayer and Zeb and their son. Salem whined about the fact she would just be starting to really show when she was supposed to be a bridesmaid in her friend Cora’s upcoming wedding, and Sayer bought out an entire Toys “R” Us for Hyde’s first Christmas with his dad. All in all, it was the perfect mix of family and friends even though I missed Wheeler. He’d agreed to spend Christmas day with Kallie and her family. I understood why, but I knew we both would have preferred that he got to spend the day with me. It was good practice for the choices we were going to have to make when the baby came, and while it wasn’t easy for either of us, knowing we were doing the right thing for the baby took some of the sting out of it. My willingness to let him go when Kallie needed something from him was one of the reasons she’d been so desperate to meet me. The first thing she did when I walked into the coffee shop was throw her arms around me, tell me I was a saint, and then burst into tears as she apologized for all the havoc she caused in my relationship with Wheeler.

It was a lot to take in, which is why I was waiting for her to swing the other way emotionally. Wheeler warned that she was a naturally dramatic person and that her now raging hormones had made her even more so. He’d gotten really good at picking and choosing which of her whims he was going to cater to over the last month or so, making himself available only when she really, truly needed him. He told me he’d been taking care of her for so long that she still hadn’t quite figured out how to be okay on her own.

I wrapped my fingers around the warm, white-and-green cardboard cup in front of me and listened patiently as Kallie rambled on about how they were going to find out the sex of the baby at her next appointment. They’d gone right before the holidays started but the little thing had been uncooperative and refused to get in position for the ultrasound. They were still in the dark about what they were having, much to Wheeler’s dismay. I obviously already knew they were anxiously awaiting a determination because even if he wouldn’t tell her, Wheeler had told me on numerous occasions he was hoping for a little boy. Her excitement was nearly palpable, and after a few minutes of endless one-sided conversation, I realized that her nervousness was too. She was just as anxious as I was about this little get-together.

“This is going to be weird. No matter how hard we try and not make it weird, we both love the same man.” I lifted an eyebrow and let a tiny grin tug at my mouth. “We both know what he looks like naked and that he snores when he sleeps on his back.”

She blinked wide blue eyes at me and cut off her flow of words with a grateful nod. “I didn’t want it to be weird. I know you know why Wheeler and I split and why we’re not getting back together. I thought knowing that there wasn’t a chance in hell that he’d ever come back to me, or that I would ever try and take him from you, would make it easier.” She returned my grin. “It didn’t. I’m sitting over here thinking about how stupid you have to think I am. You know exactly how good I had it and I threw it all away.”

I shrugged and traced the logo on my cup with my thumb. “I don’t think you’re stupid at all. I think it would have been far more foolish to stay in a relationship that didn’t make you happy.”

She looked down at the table. “I probably would have stayed if my secret hadn’t gotten out.” She lifted her eyes back up to mine and there was shame and embarrassment threaded throughout. “I didn’t know anything else, how to love someone else, and I was terrified to live a different life. Wheeler always made everything so easy; he took care of everything and I knew no one else would do that.”

I tilted my head to the side and considered her thoughtfully before telling her truthfully, “That’s why a lot of women stay in failing relationships, even ones that are dangerous and unhealthy. It’s all they know and they don’t know how to walk away. They’re scared to be alone, scared no one will understand what they’ve been through, and won’t try to understand why they couldn’t leave. They feel like damaged goods, like they’ve somehow brought everything bad that’s happening to them upon themselves. The lucky ones eventually find their way out and find their way to something better.” I cleared my throat and reached up to push my hair out of my face. “But far too many stay.”

She wrapped her hands around her own drink, a hot chocolate, and copied my pose as she looked back at me with serious eyes. “Would you have stayed? If things hadn’t happened with your husband the way they did, if he hadn’t kidnapped you and hurt you, if he hadn’t shot himself, would you have gone back to him?”

This wasn’t the kind of conversation I planned on having with her. I thought we were going to make small talk about the weather and chat about the baby. I thought she was going to ask me if I was serious about Wheeler and serious about staying a part of his life after the baby came. I wanted her to like me because that would make things easier for all of us but I had no plans on letting her into all those dark corners where the scary parts of my past lived.

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair and shrugged again. “I don’t know. I’d like to say that I would have left for good; he broke my arm and beat the crap out of me, which was what sent me running to my sister in the first place. There was no more hiding or covering up the abuse and I was ashamed, but when the bones were set and the bruises faded, he was still going to be my husband, the man I promised to spend the rest of my life with, and I didn’t take that lightly.” I bit down on my lower lip and felt my brows knit together over the bridge of my nose. “He wanted to have kids, that’s what we were fighting about the night I left. He wanted to know why I wasn’t getting pregnant. He called me terrible names, told me God left me barren and empty because I’d had sex before marriage. He told me I didn’t deserve a baby because of my loose ways and claimed that’s why I’d miscarried my first pregnancy when I was a teenager.” Kallie gave an audible gasp from across the table and lifted her hands to her horrified face.